Why Curiosity Might Be Your Greatest Relationship Compass

Curiosity tends to get painted as a troublemaker, often lumped in with the “Curiosity killed the cat” crowd. But what those cat-phobic sayings miss is the second half of the proverb: “...but satisfaction brought it back.” Curiosity, when embraced, can be your secret sauce—not just for life, but for love. It’s the little spark that turns “What if?” into “Why not?” and can lead you straight to unexpected, magical places.

It certainly has for me. Growing up in sun-soaked La Jolla, I learned to follow the tug of curiosity early on. Whether it was poking around tide pools until my shoes got soaked (again) or chasing tangy coastal sunsets I swore were slightly more colorful than the night before, curiosity always delivered something worthwhile—even if it was just wrinkled toes and ruddy cheeks.

Now, applying that curiosity to the messy, exhilarating world of relationships? That’s where the magic gets real.

Love and the Art of Tide Pooling

Let me get a little marine-bio-nerdy for a second (I promise it’ll make sense). Growing up exploring tide pools with my mom—a marine biologist and literal ocean whisperer—I learned that the best discoveries came when you slowed down and took a closer look. Prying back a kelp-covered rock might reveal something exciting—a tiny, candy-striped crab or a shimmering anemone gently pulsing in the water. You just never knew what surprises awaited until you crouched down and looked closer.

Dating works a bit like tide pooling, doesn’t it? It starts with curiosity—a willingness to lean in and peel back the surface-of-the-surface impressions we often form about one another. I remember going on a first date with someone I rushed to write off because he said he’d never been to the beach. In La Jolla. I mean, what mid-20s human avoids a coastline that gorgeous? But curiosity kept me in my seat, ordering another round of fries to buy some time to figure him out.

Turns out, while Daniel had avoided the beach growing up in San Diego (don’t even ask—long story about jellyfish trauma), he had a deep love of mountain hikes and stargazing. He introduced me to a whole new world that I might have missed if I’d dismissed him over one odd (read: slightly tragic) beach-phobia quirk.

Lesson learned: Ask the extra questions, wait the extra five minutes, and embrace the weird little trivia that defies expectations. People are rarely one-dimensional, even when they seem like they might be on Date #1.

"But What If I Look Silly?" Hint: You Definitely Will.

Somewhere between adolescence and the heavily filtered modern romance scene, we forget how to lean into our curiosity because it feels...vulnerable. After all, asking the wrong question or showing too much enthusiasm on a date can make you feel like an overeager kid waving their hand too high in class.

But here’s the thing: leaning into curiosity in relationships means you will occasionally look silly. You will ask questions that make your Date #2 side-eye you like you’ve never used a fork before. You'll admit you don’t know things they care about (What even is pickleball? Is it squash + ping pong? Someone please explain).

Here’s my advice anyway: embrace it. I once went on a date where I blatantly butchered the Spanish name of a fish taco on the menu (pro tip: practice saying “dorado” before you hyper-enunciate it like it’s your Duolingo debut). My date laughed so hard he spilled salsa, but that moment of shared awkwardness actually sparked a much deeper conversation about how we’ve all got things we’re bad at.

Spoiler: the date turned into a relationship that taught me how to laugh at myself more. And how to order tacos correctly.

Curiosity is worth the risk of looking goofy because it reminds the other person you’re human—and intrigued by them just the way they are.

Asking the Right Questions (No, Not About Income)

When I say “curiosity,” I don’t mean the kind that feels like a job interview. Nobody wants to sit down for margaritas and get grilled about their five-year plan or favorite tax deductions (save that for date three or when you’re splitting the check). Instead, bring a light, playful curiosity to the conversation. This draws someone in without the pressure, sparking connection and leaving enough room for those unexpected tangents that can lead to memorable moments.

Here are some of my go-to curiosity starters that are surprisingly illuminating:

  • “What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever Googled at 2 AM?” (Prepare for hilarity. Also, it says a lot about their personality.)
  • “If your life were a movie, what song would play during the opening credits?” (Cue a spirited discussion about everything from Taylor Swift’s era shift to obscure indie bands.)
  • “What’s your go-to comfort food?” (This one’s secretly brilliant. Food memory says so much about upbringing, identity, and love languages.)

It’s not about being the most interesting person in the room. It’s about creating a space where your shared curiosity acts as a bridge to deeper understanding. Plus, asking fun questions shows you don’t take yourself overly seriously—and that? That’s worth its weight in lobster rolls when it comes to fostering attraction.

When Curiosity Gets Sticky (Or Awkward)

Not every journey sparked by curiosity will immediately deliver fruit—or crabs hiding under kelp. Sometimes, you’ll glance under a metaphorical rock and find nothing worth keeping. That’s okay too.

A few years ago, I agreed to an impromptu date because I was curious about a guy’s wildly specific hobby: metal detecting. Romantic metal detecting stroll on the beach? It sounded quirky and cinematic in a Richard Linklater kind of way. Twenty minutes in, I realized (1) he was mostly talking to his metal detector, calling it “Beep Buddy,” and (2) he had zero plans to take the headphones off and actually have a conversation.

In moments like that, curiosity becomes less about “How could this work?” and more of a self-check. I learned to gracefully exit awkward situations (coffee-to-go is a lifesaver) while appreciating the experience itself. Sometimes, the beautiful thing about curiosity is that you’ll have ridiculous stories to tell your friends later.

Embrace Curiosity, Embrace the Unexpected

Curiosity has this sneaky way of turning the ordinary into the extraordinary. It urges you to ask “Why?” and “What if?” without worrying too much about where the journey will take you—from the tide pools to first dates to years-long relationships that feel like home.

The joy of curiosity is it doesn’t demand immediate answers or perfect outcomes. It just asks you to keep showing up, looking closer, and staying open to whatever might surprise you along the way.

So, the next time your gut tells you to lean in—whether it’s toward a new person, an unfamiliar hobby, or an unpronounceable taco—listen to it. You never know what you'll find until you take a closer look. Who knows? Satisfaction might just bring you back every time, cat-like grin firmly intact.