“Curiosity killed the cat,” they say, but if you ask me, that cat lived one heck of an interesting life before meeting its maker. And while I promise there’s no mortality risk in letting curiosity steer your relationships, I will say this: getting curious has a way of opening doors you didn’t even know were there. It’s how I accidentally ended up crashing a private dinner at an Italian villa (long story), got duped into trying escargot in Provence (not as bad as I assumed!), and how I learned that asking someone how they like their coffee can spark conversations that go far beyond caffeine preferences.

Curiosity isn’t just about asking questions; it’s about embracing those unscripted moments where you ditch the “rules” and dive into life’s unknowns. In love and relationships—whether romantic, platonic, or even self-oriented—it’s this openness that leads to deeper connections and, honestly, better stories. So here’s my ode to getting curious, one unexpected adventure at a time.

1. Curiosity Is the Ultimate Icebreaker

A few years ago, while wine-tasting with some friends, I found myself chatting with a stranger at the tasting bar. He was swirling his glass like he’d seen it done in a movie, making committal eye contact with the wine. (For the record, swirling is great, but looking at wine like it owes you money is unnecessary.) I asked, “What do you taste?” thinking I’d get the usual answer—berries, oak, maybe vanilla. Instead, he grinned and said, “Like someone put a cinnamon stick in a campfire marshmallow.”

We ended up talking for an hour, bonding over our shared inability to take wine culture too seriously. I learned he was a chef experimenting with food and wine pairings inspired by campfire flavors, and later, he emailed me a recipe for the most incredible smoked rosemary s’mores. We didn’t fall in love or anything—he was married, I was busy—but that short, curiosity-led exchange has stuck with me ever since.

Questions are magic for starting conversations, whether it’s at a wine bar, a party, or the intimidating abyss of a first date. Ask specifics—things people don’t expect, like, “What’s the story behind your favorite meal ever?” or “What’s the last totally random skill you tried to learn?” People want to talk about themselves, and showing genuine interest in their quirks can be the spark that lights the fire.

2. Try the Thing You Would Normally Avoid

Without curiosity, I would have never ended up lost in Burgundy on a tiny borrowed bike, learning the humiliating limits of my high school-level French vocabulary. I’d probably also never have cried tears of joy over an onion tart made by a local woman named Adeline, who plucked me from a vineyard trail, gave me water, and insisted I stay for lunch. That spontaneous “yes” to her invitation turned out to be one of the best meals of my life.

Curiosity often requires veering off the carefully paved road, and that’s especially true in relationships. So often, we stick to what’s comfortable: people who fit our lists, activities we know we’ll enjoy, and routines that feel as warmly familiar as mashed potatoes on a cold day. And while consistency has its place, every once in a while, we owe it to ourselves to take the leap—whether it’s signing up for a dance class despite two left feet or saying yes to a date with someone not quite our “type.”

In fact, “type” is one of the biggest curiosities killers out there. Sure, preferences are fine (no one’s asking you to date someone whose idea of three-course dining is gas station nachos and an energy drink), but be honest with yourself: how much of your “type” is real, and how much is a story you tell to feel comfortable?

3. Ask “What If?” More Often

“What if we planned an entire date where we didn’t spend a dime?” It started as a joking question I threw out at the guy I was dating at the time—a subtle hint that I was tired of expensive dinners that felt like mini interviews. But he surprised me by not just agreeing but committing. Our “free day” turned into a hike along the coast, a shared thermos of homemade soup, and hours spent watching seagulls swoop against the waves. It was the most fun we'd had in a month, which taught me two things: one, we didn’t need fancy meals to connect, and two, cheap dates tell you way more about compatibility than candle-lit dinners ever could.

In relationships, “what if?” will save you. What if we tried their weird hobby, even though it makes no sense to us? What if we planned a spontaneous road trip to the next random town over? What if we leaned into the tiniest spark of an idea that popped into our heads and turned it into something real? “What if” questions don’t just breathe life into partnerships—they also add layers to your identity as a couple.

4. Break the Routine—Even the “Good” Ones

Don’t get me wrong—I love a good routine. My morning cappuccino is so sacred it borders on ritualistic, and I could give you detailed instructions on how to perfectly butter toast (it’s an art, okay?). But I’ve learned the hard way that the same-old-same-old is where curiosity goes to die.

Romantically, ruts can look like “Taco Tuesdays and Netflix Fridays” on an endless loop. For friendships, it’s having the same conversations about work woes without ever diving deeper. Instead of asking your partner “How was your day?” for the thousandth time, get creative: “If your day was a movie, what would it be called, and what’s on the soundtrack?” Or mix up your schedules—go for a sunrise walk instead of the usual evening stroll, or swap your favorite podcasts and discuss them like your own private book club. Curiosity doesn’t have to mean grand gestures—it’s often the tiny tweaks that make the biggest difference.

5. Be Curious About Yourself, Too

I’d be lying if I said curiosity was something I always mastered. There was a time in my twenties when I got so caught up in impressing a guy that I forgot to ask if I even liked him. Spoiler: I didn’t. He was like a bowl of plain oatmeal—bland, a little sticky, and surprisingly exhausting for something so dull.

That experience—a full six months of ignoring my gut—taught me that curiosity starts with knowing who you are and what drives you, before you try to figure out someone else. Ask yourself questions. What’s something you’ve always secretly wanted to try but were too nervous? What have you given up for the sake of someone else? Where do you want to go, independent of anyone else’s plans or expectations?

Once your curiosity about yourself is alive and well, you’ll approach relationships differently—less space for oatmeal guys, more room for exploring flavors that truly excite you.

Curiosity Will Take You Further Than You Think

Here’s the thing: curiosity is contagious. The more you approach life and love with wonder, the more you’ll attract people who want to explore alongside you. Whether you’re building a new relationship or deepening an existing one, there’s endless value in staying open to the unexpected—and finding humor in the inevitable awkward moments.

So go on—ask the weird question. Say yes to the plan you’d normally dismiss. Taste the metaphorical (or literal!) escargot. Curiosity won’t kill you, but it might just lead you somewhere extraordinary.