“Curiosity killed the cat” is one of those phrases people throw around like a cautionary tale meant to keep you snugly inside the lines. But as someone who grew up navigating the lively chaos of Greek taverna conversations—where every question somehow led to three more questions—I can promise you this: curiosity didn’t kill anyone. It just gave the cat a much more interesting story to tell. When it comes to relationships, curiosity is less of an optional feature and more like a GPS: it will take you somewhere, even if that “somewhere” is a winding detour through uncharted territory. And trust me, those detours are where all the good stuff hides.

When You Ask, You Open Doors

Picture this: I’m running a boutique hotel on Santorini (yes, it was as dreamy as Instagram makes it look), and a guest—a honeymooner from New York—asks me if I’ve ever tried watermelon with feta cheese. I hadn’t. To me, watermelon belonged firmly in the fruit family, and feta was for Greek salads or maybe, if you’re feeling daring, baked into pies. But she was so insistent that I try it, I gave in. What happened next was borderline revolutionary for my taste buds. The salty-sweet combination? Perfection. That conversation didn’t just introduce me to my new favorite summer snack; it reminded me of a larger truth: the best experiences often start with a simple question.

When applied to relationships, this truth holds up. Whether you’re on date number one or somewhere in year ten of coupledom, asking questions is how you knock on the door of someone’s inner world. What’s their secret dream job? When’s the last time they felt genuinely proud? What’s the weirdest sandwich they’ve ever eaten? Curiosity builds intimacy. It says, “I want to know you,” and isn’t that the heart of connection?

The Trouble with Autopilot

Let me tell you about a dinner party gone wrong. My ex and I—let’s call her Maria—were hosting friends in Athens, and the conversation started leaning into one of my favorite pastimes: philosophy debates. Maria, who had heard my rants about Plato’s “Allegory of the Cave” approximately 472 times, kicked me under the table. “Not this again,” she whispered, rolling her eyes. The message was clear: Dimitri, stick to safer topics.

But here’s the thing: relationships turn stale when curiosity runs dry. When you start assuming you know everything about your partner—their favorite ice cream flavor, where they fall on the controversial pineapple-on-pizza debate—you go on relational autopilot. It’s like eating mousaka every day without ever wondering how it might taste with a pinch of cinnamon. Comfortable? Sure. Interesting? Not so much.

The Greek Lesson in Curiosity

In many ways, my upbringing in Athens prepared me to embrace curiosity as a way of life. There’s something uniquely Greek about sitting in a kafenio (a traditional coffeehouse), surrounded by four old men arguing passionately about politics, and realizing that no one actually wants to win. They’re just there for the joy of the debate, the thrill of the banter, the give-and-take of ideas. That attitude is what can transform your relationships.

Curiosity is about more than asking questions; it’s about showing up with the mindset that people—even the ones we think we know best—are endlessly fascinating. My Papou (grandfather) used to say, “People are like olives. You don’t know their flavor until you press them,” and that metaphor stuck with me. Every person has layers, quirks, stories, and surprises, but you need to be willing to explore.

Curiosity Doesn’t Mean an Interrogation

Now, don’t get the wrong idea and start bombarding your crush or partner with rapid-fire trivia-style questions like you’re hosting a very awkward game show. Curiosity isn’t a detective mission. It’s about creating openings for meaningful exchanges.

Here’s how to do it right:

  • Start small, but specific. Instead of asking, “How was work?” aim for something like, “What was the most surprising thing that happened today?” These kinds of questions invite reflection rather than autopilot responses.
  • Follow the energy. If they mention they used to play the cello in high school, don’t just nod and move on. Dig a little deeper: “What made you choose the cello?” or “Do you still play? If not, do you miss it?”
  • Be genuinely interested. If you’re asking just to tick the “good partner” box, it’ll show. Curiosity has to come from an authentic interest—otherwise, it’s just small talk in a nicer outfit.

When Curiosity Really Pays Off

Curiosity has this sneaky way of solving problems before they become insurmountable. Take Kostas, my oldest friend from Crete. On his fifth anniversary with his wife, Lia, they got into an argument about whether they’d grown “too predictable.” He, the steady introvert, worried Lia found him boring. She, the ever-curious adventurer, admitted she sometimes felt like their conversations ran in circles. The solution? A game called “Two New Things,” where, once a week, they each shared two things the other didn’t yet know about them. Six years later, that game is still going strong.

The beauty of this story isn’t just the creativity of their solution (although I’m absolutely stealing that idea). It’s that curiosity brought playfulness back into their relationship. It reminded them of how much they still had to learn about each other, even after hundreds of shared dinners, inside jokes, and sleepy Sunday mornings in bed.

Tips for Getting Curious (Without Getting Weird)

If curiosity doesn’t come naturally to you—or if you’re worried about accidentally veering into nosy territory—don’t worry, I’ve got you covered. Here are some bite-sized tips you can take into your conversations:

  • Embrace the “what if” game. What if money didn’t matter? What if you could eat only one cuisine for the rest of your life? Hypothetical questions can break the ice in surprising ways.
  • Be ready to share, too. Curiosity shouldn’t feel one-sided. If you ask someone about their dream travel destination, be prepared to share yours. Vulnerability is a two-way street.
  • Take inspiration from unexpected sources. A French penpal I had during my university years asked me once, “If your personality were weather, what would it be?” I laughed, thought for a moment, and said, “A sunny day with unexpected rain because I can be charming until I get overly philosophical.” To this day, I use quirky prompts like that to keep conversations lively.

The Big Takeaway: Stay Open, Stay Surprised

If curiosity has taught me anything, it’s this: you can never fully “know” someone. Even after years of shared laughter, awkward silences, and the inevitable arguments over which is better—baklava or chocolate souffle—there’s always more to discover. Love thrives not on certainty but on curiosity. It’s in the surprising details, the ridiculous hypotheticals, the willingness to ask, “Why do you do that?” instead of rolling your eyes and assuming the worst.

So be the person who dares to ask, who’s brave enough to venture into the unknown corners of someone else’s mind. After all, curiosity doesn’t just enrich your relationships. It turns the otherwise ordinary into the spectacularly unexpected. And if you’re lucky, you might just find the watermelon to your feta.