Curiosity might’ve killed the proverbial cat, but I’d argue it’s the secret sauce that keeps us human. After all, without curiosity, we’d still be sitting in caves wondering what fire was good for (spoiler: it’s marshmallows). Curiosity is, at its core, what pushes us to explore, to connect, and to grow—not just outwardly, but inwardly.

Relationships are no exception to this rule. Whether we’re meeting someone new or rekindling the spark with a long-term partner, embracing curiosity can add layers of joy, understanding, and yes, a bit of delightful unpredictability. Let me take you on a journey of why curiosity is the underrated MVP of love, friendships, and everything in between.

The First Date Mindset: Why Curiosity Is King

Remember that scene in Bridget Jones’s Diary where everything that could go wrong on a date does? Sure, her sweater’s inside out and she trips over her words, but there’s an undeniable charm in her messy authenticity. It’s human—and what makes connection spark is when the other person leans into that curiosity to want to know more about you, not less.

Often, first dates can feel like job interviews in disguise. But what if instead of rattling off your resume ("I’m really passionate about kombucha brewing lately"), you approached things with wonder? A first date doesn’t need to be a test you pass; it’s a treasure hunt for untold stories. Ask questions like:

  • What’s the weirdest job you’ve ever had?
  • What’s the most unexpected skill you’ve picked up in the past year?

These are the kinds of open-ended questions that disarm people, making them feel seen and sparking conversations even rom-com writers would envy.

When I think about this myself, I once showed up for a blind coffee date armed with one playful question off TikTok: If aliens landed tomorrow and you were Earth’s spokesperson, what restaurant would you take them to? It instantly set the tone for an imaginative back-and-forth. (His answer was Denny’s, by the way. No second date, but what a story.)

Curiosity Keeps Long-Term Relationships Fresh

Here’s the thing they don’t always tell you about long-term relationships: you don’t just "finish" learning about someone and hit cruise control. Just like your partner doesn’t know why you’ve recently taken to gardening podcasts, there are likely quirks, dreams, or vulnerabilities they carry that you’ve yet to crack open.

Curiosity isn’t about interrogating your partner like it’s a true crime podcast; it’s about assuming there’s always more to uncover. My parents, who would celebrate anniversaries with midnight walks along Kits Beach (a tradition that shines in my memory like a Wes Anderson-directed scene), taught me this by accident. My dad—stoic café owner by day—once confessed he had hundreds of postcards stashed from years of dreams about visiting New Zealand, a passion he’d never mentioned before. It’s a small thing, but their ability to keep peeling back the layers of each other’s lives showed me that curiosity can rewrite the narrative of a relationship.

Try these prompts with your partner: - What’s a hobby you’d pick up if you had an extra two hours in the day? - What’s a memory I don’t know that always makes you smile?

Spoiler: The answers might surprise you—and even shape your next adventure together.

Laugh Your Way Into Someone’s Heart

Curiosity isn’t just a serious deep-dive into someone’s soul—it can be hilarious. Some of the most unassuming moments come from playful questions that lead somewhere completely unexpected. Case in point: I once asked a friend I’d been crushing on when they’d last built a sandcastle, and we ended up booking a weekend trip to Tofino to relive our childhoods over fish-and-chips and bags of neon-pink beach shovels. (Side note: If you give someone the opening to make a fool of themselves, sometimes they’ll invite you to dive in with them.)

Humor bridges gaps in any type of relationship. It reminds us not to take ourselves too seriously and fuels the sense of adventure that curiosity inherently requires. Because sometimes you don’t need a philosophical conversation—sometimes you need to laugh about who accidentally dropped guacamole on their lap five minutes earlier.

Here’s how you can harness this: - Work in some weird hypotheticals. (If we were in a zombie apocalypse, what role would you play in our survival group?)
- Ask them to describe their favorite childhood snack in graphic, over-the-top detail. Unbridled passion for Dunkaroos? Sign me up.

Curiosity About Yourself Is Also Key

This one’s for you, my fellow romantics. Before you can dive into someone else’s life, take time to get curious about YOU. Too often we make other people the main characters of our exploration, forgetting that delving into your own corners of joy, insecurities, and passions can be equally transformative.

When I lived in Melbourne, curiosity was my lifeline. I didn’t know a soul in the city, so I started exploring solo—the jazz bars in Fitzroy, beachside cafés in St. Kilda, even a poetry reading in a grungy basement that smelled suspiciously of old socks and dreams. In those months, I learned more about myself than I ever expected. Pro-tip: Accepting who you are outside the context of a relationship makes you magnetic within one.

To start: - Ask yourself, What kind of connection am I looking for—a wild spark? An ember that burns steadily?
- Rediscover hobbies just for the pure joy of them. You might surprise yourself.

Everyday Curiosity: Not Just for Love Stories

Curiosity isn’t reserved for meet-cutes or epic love sagas. It’s a way to deepen all the relationships already around you: friends, family, coworkers, the stranger you keep running into at the local café. One quiet afternoon, I asked a regular customer at my parents’ café—an elderly Romanian man who always ordered a cortado—what he was reading. I wasn’t expecting him to invite me to sit down, let alone launch into his immigration story in poetic detail. By the time his cup was empty, I swear I understood Tennyson in a whole new light.

We miss so many opportunities for connection because we assume we know someone’s story, even the people we talk to daily. But as it turns out, everyone contains multitudes. All we have to do is ask.

Finding The Courage to Be Curious

Curiosity isn’t always easy. It takes vulnerability to admit you don’t already know everything about someone. It takes even more self-confidence to ask the kinds of questions that might challenge your perceptions or reveal something unexpected.

But here’s why it’s worth it: Relationships thrive on curiosity because it shows you value learning about the other person. It’s a superpower that fuels intimacy. When you approach life like it’s full of questions waiting to be asked, the reward is a connection that goes deeper than surface obligations or Instagram-perfect snapshots.

So consider this your permission slip to get curious—whether with your date, your partner, or, hey, even yourself. Ask the weird, silly, meaningful questions. Lean in when the answer surprises you. Push the boundaries of what you think you know. Because truly, the joy of curiosity isn’t about finding answers. It’s about growing into all the spaces where questions can take you.

And sometimes? That might just be a beach in Tofino with a half-built sandcastle and a grin spread wide across your face.