They say the simplest things bring the greatest joy, and while that might sound like something from one of my grandmother’s many proverbs, I’ve found it to be true. When life gets complicated—and relationships most of all—it’s the little essentials that keep me grounded, happy, and, let’s be honest, sane. So, here’s my carefully curated (and slightly dramatic) list of things I absolutely cannot live without. And no, “good morning texts” didn’t make the cut. Let’s dive in.

1. Pepper Soup Spice Mix: The Cure for Everything (Including Heartbreak)

If you know, you know. Pepper soup is not just soup. It’s a spiritual experience. Whether I’m battling harmattan in Abuja or mourning the end of a situationship, a steaming bowl of pepper soup laced with the perfect spice mix works like magic. My mom’s tiny, handwritten recipe for the spice blend follows me everywhere: dried uziza, ehuru seeds, and some ingredients I dare not reveal (family secrets are sacred).

There’s something about the fiery sting of the peppers that feels like therapy in a bowl. It’s clear: no date, no argument, no “What-are-we” conversation can get the better of me as long as I have my spice stash. And honestly, if my potential partner can’t handle the heat, we have bigger problems than just relationship dynamics.

2. A Red Lipstick That Refuses to Quit

No matter where life takes me—whether it's navigating the crowded streets of Lagos or showing up for myself after a soul-shaking breakup—my red lipstick is always in my bag, ready to add a little drama (the good kind, of course). I call it my “war paint” for a reason.

A swipe of red gives me instant confidence, even when I’m feeling like a walking disaster. A friend once told me that red lips send a “Don’t waste my time” vibe on a first date. I don’t know if that’s scientifically proven, but it’s certainly worked for me. Plus, it’s the perfect shade of petty when I want to serve “I’m doing better than you” energy post-heartbreak. Iconic.

3. Burna Boy’s Discography: The Soundtrack to My Life

Let’s get this out of the way: If Burna Boy doesn’t feature heavily on your playlist, what are you even doing with your life? His voice is the ultimate pick-me-up. Whether it’s the sultry softness of On the Low or the unstoppable energy of Ye, his music has this magic way of injecting rhythm back into my life when things feel out of sync.

My favorite memory of his songs? An impromptu dance session during a torrential downpour in Accra, all because my date canceled last minute, and I refused to let the day go to waste. Lesson learned: life’s too short to wait for someone else to make things fun. Get your groove on.

4. My Group Chat: A Comedy Show and Therapy Session in One

Can we all just agree that group chats with your closest friends are one of the greatest modern inventions? Mine are filled with my sisters and childhood friends who know absolutely everything about me—yes, even the embarrassing text I once sent to my crush at 2 a.m.

These chats are where I go to dissect cryptic texts, decode someone’s “read but no reply” energy, and, most importantly, laugh until I can’t breathe. Seriously, my friends have a way of turning even my most ridiculous dating disasters into comedic gold. The best part? The GIF responses. They’re not just reactions; they’re art.

5. A Lightweight Scarf That’s Seen It All

Hear me out—this isn’t just a scarf. It’s survival gear. It’s a blanket on a long-haul flight, a shield against Lagos traffic dust, and an impromptu head wrap when I’m having a bad hair day. But beyond its functionality, this scarf has seen some of my most important moments: whispering conversations under starlit skies in Dakar, airport goodbyes in Johannesburg, and long bus rides during my NGO days in Ghana.

And don’t even get me started on how useful it is when I want to avoid eye contact with a recent ex that I accidentally ran into at a café.

6. A Notebook for My Thoughts, Dreams, and (Very Bad) Poems

I have about five half-filled notebooks lying around at all times, each one a messy treasure trove of ideas, half-baked poems, and random musings about life and love. Writing is my therapy. It’s how I untangle my emotions and figure out why someone ghosted me (or why I keep texting them even though I know better).

Pro tip: Journaling through relationship ups and downs does wonders. There’s something liberating about pouring your feelings onto paper—it’s like venting to a loyal friend who will never interrupt. And trust me, the clarity that comes after writing down “Maybe he’s just not that into me” is worth every ink stain.

7. Jollof Rice (Because Life Is Better Spicy)

If my pepper soup is my backup therapist, then Jollof rice is the love of my life. This West African classic has been at every significant gathering in my life: weddings, birthday parties, and, yes, even the ill-advised dinner I made to impress someone who referred to Jollof as “just rice” (needless to say, we didn’t last).

Making it perfectly requires patience and attention to detail—the smoky aroma from slightly charred tomato paste, the vibrant red color, the perfect balance of spices. If I were to choose a metaphor for a healthy relationship, it might just be Jollof rice. You can’t rush it. But when it’s done right, it’s chef’s kiss perfection.

8. My Calm App Subscription: Daily Pep Talks to Survive Love’s Chaos

Dating is not for the faint-hearted, and sometimes, you just need someone to say, “Breathe, you’ve got this.” Enter my Calm app, the little voice in my ear reminding me not to text my ex (again!) or hyperventilate before a first date.

You’d be surprised how five minutes of guided meditation can save you from saying or doing something you might regret. Life gets loud—between busy schedules, relationship hiccups, and our social media-fueled FOMO—but this app reminds me to stay present. Little by little, I’m learning that it’s okay to not have it all figured out.

9. Family Group Photos: A Reminder of Strength and Belonging

Even on my loneliest days, I can look at my family photos and remember where I come from—Abuja afternoons filled with laughter, endless teasing, and the comforting chaos of my large Nigerian family. Relationships may fizzle, but family? They remain.

Whenever I feel like giving up on love or retreating into my single-girl cave of despair, I remind myself of the love that surrounds me, no matter the season. It’s grounding and humbling—a reminder that no matter how many mistakes I make, I have a safety net to catch me.

Conclusion: Creating Your Own Essentials

Your “can’t-live-without” list doesn’t need to mirror mine; in fact, it shouldn’t. The beauty of life and relationships is figuring out what truly brings you joy, keeps you grounded, and ignites your spirit. Whether that’s a lipstick that makes you feel fierce or a playlist that turns bad days around, find it and lean into it unapologetically.

Because let’s be real: Life and love can be unpredictable. But with the right tools and a touch of pepper soup spice, we’ve got this.