Lessons I Wish I Knew Earlier
If there’s one universal truth about relationships, it’s this: they don’t come with an instruction manual. Sure, there are self-help books and your best friend’s late-night pep talks, but none of those shortcuts can truly prepare you for the wild, wonderful maze of love and connection. Looking back, I’ve facepalmed at many younger-me decisions—from sending an ill-timed “What are we?” text to thinking I could solve relationship tension with homemade sourdough.
If I could send a care package of wisdom back to my 20-something self, it would look something like this. So whether you’re single, entangled, or blissfully coupled, I hope you take a nugget or two with you into your journey. Trust me—learning this stuff sooner will save you a lot of head-scratching (and possibly dry-heaving into a pillow after reading old text exchanges).
Stop Romanticizing Potential
Here’s a fun fact I wish someone had tattooed onto my arm in college: You’re not a rehab center for someone’s personality. I used to fall for potential like it was an indie rock band with a limited-edition vinyl release. Maybe they could learn basic communication. Maybe the guy who showed up 45 minutes late to our date with an empty gas tank did just need a little encouragement to plan ahead.
Spoiler: No amount of cheering, wishing, or patience on your part can turn someone into the person they’re not ready (or willing) to be. Dating someone for their “potential” versus their reality is like buying a fixer-upper house without checking if the plumbing even works. Go for the human equivalent of move-in ready—someone who wants to do the emotional work with you, not because of you.
Honesty Isn’t Harsh—It’s Hot
If I had a dollar for every time I “edited” my feelings to avoid conflict, I could finally buy a house in Austin. I once spent six months pretending to enjoy hiking because I didn’t know how to tell a guy it wasn’t my thing. Six months. Y’all, I hate walking uphill in the name of leisure. Do you know what truly drains a relationship? Not misaligned hobbies—but resentment bottled up tighter than LaCroix carbonation.
Honesty isn’t rude. It’s magnetic. When you communicate your needs, you’re not scaring a good partner away—you’re giving them a roadmap to understand you better. Start small: “I love spending Sundays together, but I recharge best with a little alone time,” or, “Look, I’m more Netflix-couch than mountaintop, but I’d love to cheer you on from the snack stand.” Clear dialogue creates connection; avoidance only creates frustration.
Pro tip: If someone reacts poorly to your honesty, that’s not your green flag to stop being honest—it’s their red flag that they can’t handle it.
Learn to Love Your Own Company First
In my early 20s, I approached relationships like a final group project in college. Alone? I was lost. But with someone else shaping things? Now I had worth. The irony, of course, was that I had no clue what I actually wanted or needed from a partner back then because I hadn’t done the work of asking myself those questions first.
Learning to love your own company isn’t just some overshared Instagram quote—it’s a necessity. When you’re comfortable with yourself, a partner becomes a want instead of a need. You’ll stop tolerating walking human red flags just so you don’t have to eat Friday night takeout alone. (Also, news flash: Pad Thai eaten solo in bed? Still delightful.)
Start small. Take yourself to a movie, curate your Sunday vibe without factoring in anyone else’s preferences, or debrief your day in a journal. Building a sturdy sense of self is the foundation for any relationship worth its salt.
Love Doesn’t Always Look Like the Movies (And That’s Okay)
I spent far too long chasing grand, rom-com-worthy declarations of love. Candlelit restaurants, white-knight rescues, dramatic airport chases—surely, that’s how I’d know it was real, right? Turns out, love often looks more like someone noticing you’re out of oat milk and buying it without asking. Or them remembering how you like your tacos and sneaking in an extra salsa verde just for you.
Hollywood made us think “big” equals meaningful. But real love thrives in the mundane. It’s the comfort of walking home from a party together in sweatshirts and sneakers. It’s knowing their “mad” face from their “hangry” face. It’s how they fold your blanket back onto the couch exactly the way you like it. Don’t sleep on the everyday stuff—it’s where connection truly shines.
Pay Attention to How They Handle “No”
You want to know someone’s character? See how they react when you tell them no. No to splitting dessert because you’re too full. No to plans because you’ve already had a long week. No to something—dare I say—vulnerable in the bedroom. A good partner handles “no” with grace, curiosity, and maybe the occasional “Well, more chocolate lava cake for me!” joke.
On the flip side, if someone makes you feel guilty, gives you the silent treatment, or tries to push past your boundary like it’s a yellow light? That’s a big, blaring no from me. Relationships are built on respect, and boundaries are their building blocks. Protect them, and expect your partner to do the same.
Know When to Leave, Even When It’s Hard
Ah, the lesson I resisted learning the most. Sometimes, no matter how much you love someone—or how much history you share—it’s not meant to be. I once stayed in a relationship for years (years) longer than I should have because I was too scared to admit it wasn’t working. Leaving felt like failing. But do you know what hurts worse? Staying somewhere your gut keeps screaming isn’t right.
You’re not the villain for choosing yourself. You’re not a quitter for walking away from someone who can’t—or won’t—give you what you deserve. As poet Warsan Shire says, “You can’t make homes out of human beings.” Sometimes love is choosing to love yourself enough to leave. And yes, I cried into several spicy margaritas after making that decision. But I’ve never regretted it—not for a single second.
Love Is Messy—and That’s the Point
Here’s the simplest truth I’ve learned: Love isn’t a destination, a checkbox, or a magic wand that solves all your problems. It’s messy. Beautifully, hilariously messy. Sometimes it’s chore charts and Google Calendar syncs. Other times, it’s tequila-fueled dance-offs in your kitchen or laughing so hard you snort during a serious conversation. The “perfect” relationship doesn’t exist—thank goodness for that. Where’s the fun in perfect?
So give yourself a little grace. You’ll screw up. You’ll say the wrong thing, play your hand too soon, or waste three months on someone whose text message grammar makes you cringe. But you’ll also make incredible memories, learn unexpected truths about yourself, and meet amazing people along the way. Love is a journey, after all—not a product.
In the end, the best advice I can give is this: Be brave enough to trust your gut, kind enough to respect your partner’s humanity, and bold enough to ask for what you truly want. The rest? Like Austin’s skyline, it’s always evolving—and that’s what keeps it interesting.
