Curiosity is a funny thing. It’s like that one friend who suggests road trips with no destination—often chaotic, sometimes questionable, but always unforgettable. When I think about what it means to lead a curious life, one word comes to mind: discovery. It’s an underrated superpower that has helped me navigate everything from awkward breakups to unexpected friendships. And when it comes to relationships (romantic or otherwise), curiosity isn’t just the spark—it’s the whole flame.

In today’s world, where it feels like everything and everyone is accessible with a swipe, it’s easy to let curiosity collect dust. But trust me, staying curious can turn the most mundane moments into game-changers. Let’s get into it—the joys of being insatiably, unapologetically curious in love, life, and everything in between.

The Power of Asking a Question

The most life-changing lesson I’ve ever learned? Ask the question—even if your voice shakes or your palms sweat like you just ran across the Sahara. Questions are the ultimate secret weapon in relationships because they show people you’re invested, paying attention, and eager to understand them beyond the surface-level stuff.

I remember being 21, sitting in the college library with Farrah, who was trying to explain her love for Sylvia Plath while I yet again misidentified Plath as “the bell jar lady.” Instead of nodding and pretending I got it, I asked her: “What is it about her work that moves you so much?” That one question led to a two-hour-long conversation where I finally understood that her connection to Plath wasn’t about literature but survival. It was the first time, sitting across from her beneath the hum of fluorescent lights, I realized how curiosity could move a conversation deeper than small talk ever could. Spoiler: Farrah and I didn’t end up together, but we remained friends because we built something real through just being curious about each other’s worlds.

Lesson learned? A well-placed, thoughtful question can unlock parts of people that would’ve otherwise stayed hidden. Plus, it helps people feel seen—and let’s be real, isn’t that all anyone really wants?

Let’s Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

Curiosity often leads into the unknown, and let me tell you, the unknown is not the olive-oil-slicked, Hollywood montage moment romcoms make it out to be. It’s messy, clumsy, and requires vulnerability. But if you’re willing to sit through discomfort, the universe has a funny way of rewarding you.

Take one of my early dates with Ramon, where I found myself asking questions I wasn’t sure he’d want to answer—about his family, his fears, and the immigrant experience I didn’t share but wanted to understand. It wasn’t about prying; it was about wanting to know the person in front of me. His answers were careful, uneven, but each one gave me a little more insight into his soul. We learned how to bridge gaps between his history and mine, how to admire the things we didn’t instantly “get” about each other. Five years later, Ramon and I can laugh about how I once asked him, after eating lumpia for the first time, “So like… will you teach me how to make this? Or is that too forward on a third date?” (The answer was yes, but his mom definitely side-eyed me the entire lesson).

The truth is that curiosity and vulnerability are best friends. They need each other, and together, they open the door to authentic, meaningful connection. So, if you’re someone who clams up whenever things start getting personal, hear me out: embrace the awkwardness. Ask the question. Stay open.

Curiosity Isn’t JUST About Other People

While curiosity can help us understand others better, let’s not forget the beauty of redirecting it toward ourselves—who we were, who we are, and who we’re trying to become. Introspection changes the game.

Several years ago, fresh out of my first serious relationship and newly single in Houston, I sat in a crowded café journaling (yes, journaling—judge me later). In one of those existential spirals, I asked myself a question I’d been sidestepping for months: “What went wrong?” And not in the bitter, blame-assigning way, either—more like, “What was missing, and what part of it was on me to fix?” The act of sitting with that question became the catalyst for my own growth.

I realized I hadn’t been as honest about my needs as I thought I was. I realized I defaulted to “easy” answers in my past relationship, shortcutting deeper conversations because I didn’t trust they’d lead somewhere productive. That pattern wasn’t just affecting my love life; it showed up in everything. It wasn’t an easy set of truths to unpack, but learning to be curious about myself made me someone more capable of showing up authentically—for me and anyone else in my life.

The takeaway? Being curious about yourself isn’t just self-help mumbo jumbo—it’s the blueprint for aligning with who you want to be.

More Curiosity, Less Judgment

Here’s the thing about life: We’re all out here trying to make it work. The last thing we need is more judgment—in relationships, friendships, situationships, or whatever complicated thing you’re currently trying to define. What we do need more of? Curiosity.

Let’s say you’re in the middle of a disagreement. Maybe someone canceled plans last minute, or a text didn’t land the way it was meant to (the classic “k.” instead of “ok”—a crime punishable by confusion). It’s tempting to jump straight to judgment: “They’re unreliable!” or “They’re obviously mad about something.” But what if, instead of judging, you got curious? Ask yourself: “What could be going on that I don’t know about?” Then, instead of silently fuming, ask the other person directly—with kindness.

The same applies to our love lives. I couldn’t tell you how many times curiosity has swooped in to save me from assumptions. It’s helped me see shades of gray in places I once thought were black and white. It’s also a helpful reminder that people are a lot more complex than our snap judgments give them credit for.

The Rewards Are Endless

Here’s why curiosity is the ultimate life hack: It keeps things fresh. Whether you’re navigating a first-date awkward silence or celebrating fifty years with the same partner, curiosity keeps you tuned in. It reminds you that there’s always something new to learn, even if you think you’ve heard all the stories and memorized all the facial expressions. People evolve. Relationships evolve. You evolve. Curiosity ensures you don’t miss the beauty of it all.

Next time you find yourself at the crossroads of curiosity and comfort (spoiler: comfort is seductive but rarely transformative), take a chance on the former. Lean into the questions. Seek out the stories. Laugh at yourself when you mess up the lumpia dough or send an accidentally overanalyzed one-word reply. Being curious might not solve all your problems, but it’ll definitely help you write a better story.

So, here’s your challenge: Be brave, be kind, and most importantly, stay curious. Because you never know what joy, connection, or revelation is waiting for you on the other side of a question.