"Growing up in East Austin, my mom had this phrase she used whenever I got overly angsty about fitting in as a teenager: ‘Being yourself is easier than pretending, Harper. Just less laundry.’ It wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I realized she didn’t mean literal laundry (though that tracks—why is it cooler to wear black hoodies than neon blouses in high school?). She was talking about authenticity, about showing up fully as yourself in every space you occupy—whether it’s the classroom, a date, or, yes, your accidentally-intense Taylor Swift karaoke night."

The Framework That Shapes Me

If I had to sum up what I stand for in one motto, it’s this: intention over perfection. Time and again, I’ve found that life rewards us not for being flawless but for showing up earnestly, even when we’re a little messy about it. This applies as much to dating as it does to baking your first gluten-free sourdough loaf or figuring out how to dance at an open mic without spilling your $8 kombucha.

I believe that the core of meaningful relationships starts with being an active participant in your own story. You have to know your values, embrace your quirks, and stand firm in your non-negotiables. Why? Because compatibility doesn’t come from trying to be everything to everyone—it comes from being the exact right thing to someone who sees you.

It’s All About ALIGNMENT (Not Perfection)

Now, before I launch into a romance-meets-TED-Talk pep rally, let’s get real for a second: living authentically isn’t always bikini commercial easy. It can be vulnerable. Uncomfortable. Sometimes downright awkward. Let me paint a picture:

About six years ago, I agreed to meet someone for a coffee date after trading philosophical texts about nature documentaries (always hotter than sexting, fight me). We sat down and within minutes—somewhere between me justifying my obsession with puffins and him blankly nodding—I realized, oof. My weirdo factor had fully activated, and he wasn’t vibing. So, I pulled back. Dialed down my humor, sipped my latte quietly, and coasted into neutral chit-chat mode. It was safe, it was fine, and it was also draining.

That night, as I rehashed the date to a friend over tacos, she said something that landed hard: ‘Girl, if you can’t figure out how to light up around someone, you’re wasting both of your time.’ Safe to say, that’s the day I retired my emotional dimmer switch."

Why Knowing Your Core Beliefs Is Non-Negotiable

If you’re not sure what values really matter to you, you risk shapeshifting to fit other people’s expectations—to become the human equivalent of tofu. (Fine texture, no flavor unless you soak yourself in someone else.)

But when you understand what makes you tick—what pulls you closer to someone rather than leaves you lukewarm—you can leap into dates and relationships armed with clarity. Here’s what I’ve learned from trial, error, and a helluva lot of journaling:

  1. Confidence Blossoms From Clarity:
    Back when I started dating in my early twenties, I’d ask friends, “What do you think they’re looking for?” Instead of considering what I wanted in a partner. Wrong move. Confidence doesn’t come from guessing games—it comes from owning what you’re all about.

  2. Compatibility Isn’t a Checklist, It’s a Vibe:
    Sure, common interests matter, but rigid criteria can be overrated. Yeah, my partner and I love live music and spicy ramen, but could I have predicted that his mild obsession with vintage board games would become endearing? No way. Stay flexible on the fun stuff, but anchored to shared values.

  3. Values > Validation:
    Repeat after me: If they’re not into you, it doesn’t mean you’re not worthy. It’s just data. Where their yes ends, your next chance begins. You’re not auditioning for their approval—you’re seeking mutual alignment. (This is a mantra I whisper after every terrible dad-joke I drop on new people, btw.)

How This Shows Up in My Writing

Every story I write—even the ones where I rant about the cultural significance of avocado toast—circles back to this central theme: show up as yourself. Embrace connection, but don’t lose yourself in pursuit of it. I’m the type of person who likes walking readers through the messy truths (like how one breakup can spiral you into four months of overly-aggressive gardening) and the hopeful takeaways (hey, those basil plants made me feel alive).

When I write about relationships, it’s never with the assumption there’s one fixed formula. My intent is to invite you to try on different perspectives, check in with your gut, and leave every piece feeling a little more clear-headed about what you’re building.

Tales From the Trenches: How I Stay Authentic

Let me leave you with three rules that keep me grounded in dating and life:

  1. Treat Every Date Like a First and Last Co-Host Gig on SNL:
    If you approach a date as a once-in-a-lifetime collab, you’ll naturally lean toward sincerity. That doesn’t mean curating your quirkiest anecdote—it means involving them, asking if their cat really has that many Instagram followers, finding joy in the unscripted.

  2. Embrace the Power of “No, Thanks”:
    When I was younger, I agreed to a second date out of politeness and spent an excruciating two hours letting him mansplain craft beer. (I KNOW how hops work, Greg.) Remember, it’s okay to say no. People-pleasing doesn’t protect you—it just prolongs unnecessary exhaustion.

  3. Laugh at the Awkwardness:
    If there were a lifetime reel of my dating gaffes, it’d involve flubbed handshakes, talking way too much about community gardens, and—my personal favorite—accidentally fist-bumping someone mid-hug. Authenticity doesn’t require perfection. It requires showing up, laughing off the stumbles, and trying again.

Your Cue to Begin (Or Begin Again)

We’re all just figuring this out as we go, right? Whether you’re navigating heartbreak, practicing a pep talk for your third dinner date in a month, or just trying to decide if you’re more Team Early Flirtation or Team Snuggly Familiarity, here’s what I hope you remember: Your quirks are assets, not flaws. Your journey is yours—and it doesn’t need an applause track to matter.

So go ahead. Be bold. Be imperfect. Be unapologetically ‘you.’ That’s your real magic. That’s what I stand for.