"Do you just sit around all day and write whatever comes to you?"

I get this question more than you might think. It's asked, I’ve gathered, in a way that's meant to be playful, but it still stings—like when someone makes fun of how you say "crick" instead of "creek." As a professional writer with a few different hats (fiction author, essayist, online dating and relationships contributor), allow me to pull back the curtain on what this job really entails. Spoiler alert: It’s nothing like how it’s portrayed in the movies.

Grab a seat—preferably on a porch swing or under a wide-open sky—and let me tell you what people get wrong about my job.

Myth #1: Creativity Flows Like the Yellowstone River

People imagine writers as these divine vessels of inspiration, sipping coffee in rustic barns while the muses whisper fully-formed sentences into our eager brains. First of all, let me clear something up: there are no muses. There are late nights, long stretches of staring into the abyss (read: Word docs), and moments where your brain feels emptier than highway 287 during a snowstorm.

Writing is part art, part grit. Some days you feel like a genius; other days, your sentences read like a sixth-grader’s book report on Moby-Dick. Take this article, for example: I procrastinated by reorganizing my sock drawer and debating whether maple syrup counts as one of the major food groups. (It should.) But then, you sit down, wrestle with the words, and somehow—grittier than poetic—you make them form something coherent.

Lessons For Life and Love

Even relationships require work beyond those golden bursts of inspiration. Chemistry is great, but no lasting connection survives on sparks alone. The dull day-to-day stuff, the effort, the showing up? That’s your real masterpiece.

Myth #2: All Writers Eat Dinner in Candlelit Silence

Let me say this loud enough for the couples in the back: I am not some wistful loner huddled over a typewriter accompanied by nothing but the soft glow of a flickering flame and a single glass of red wine. Half the time, I’m munching on trail mix or leftover mac and cheese while reworking sentences, wondering if there’s a better synonym for “connection.” (Spoiler: there usually isn’t.)

Writing is not glamorous—it’s practical. Think less Jane Austen penning love letters at her desk and more a person frantically typing one-handed while swatting away a cat who decided your keyboard is the best possible nap spot.

Connecting This to Dating

Relationships, too, are not just endless candlelit dinners that culminate in grand professions of love. Some days, they look like you and your partner—I don’t know—eating lukewarm pizza in your sweatpants while Googling why your car is making a weird rattling sound. And that’s fine. Magic can live in the unglamorous.

Myth #3: Writers Live Sedentary, Drama-Free Lives

Sure, I sit to write, but everything else about this job? The opposite of sedentary. I’ve spent hours pacing my tiny Montana kitchen unraveling a plot hole or, on particularly stumped days, riding my horse across the prairie hoping the motion shakes loose some ideas. (Sometimes, it actually works.)

Also, there’s this notion that writers love solitude, basking in their peaceful, drama-free lives. Not true—at least, not always true. Writing requires stepping into chaos. You dissect the complexities of emotions, conflicts, and problems—whether you’re breaking down how to ask someone out or crafting a scene where a rancher struggles with his father’s legacy. Drama exists because conflict is alive and kicking.

What’s the Lesson Here?

Relationships are not drama-free either, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t to avoid all conflict—it’s to handle it with care and curiosity. Avoiding uncomfortable truths doesn’t lead to growth for characters, couples, or you. What makes love strong isn’t the absence of tension; it’s the ability to keep showing up in spite of it.

Myth #4: Writers Are Boring

I know this one might stem from the countless “introverted bookworm” stereotypes, but let me tell you something about writers: we’ve got stories. I once spent an entire week tagging songbirds for a migration study in eastern Montana. Another time, I was trapped in a gas station during a raging thunderstorm, watching the clerk tell tall tales about the regulars. My job requires me to soak up moments and to observe nuances most might miss.

I bring this attentiveness to my work on dating and relationships because honestly? People are endlessly fascinating. Why does someone wear cologne when they’re single but stop after a few months of dating? Why do certain love notes stick in your mind for years? These are the questions that keep me up at night—and no, they’re not boring.

The Real Takeaway

In love and in life, pay attention. Boring people aren’t born; they’re made by ignoring the small details that bring vitality to connection. Whether you’re on a first date or married twenty years, it’s those tiny, specific moments that bring depth to your story.

Myth #5: Writing Is Lonely

Many think writers labor in self-imposed isolation, exchanging company for creativity. But surprise—I have a phone, and I know how to use it! This job might start with solitude, but it’s really about connection. Every word I write is for someone else. I’m making sure my voice lands on your screen and resonates.

In this way, being a writer feels like preparing an elaborate dinner for a big table of friends. You might be the chef who works alone in the kitchen, but you’re cooking for others to enjoy. It’s always about connection.

The Parallel to Love

While there’s power in knowing yourself and being alone, no relationship thrives in isolation. Love asks us to consider another person, to share the best of ourselves, and sometimes to clean up and start over when the first batch burns.

Myth #6: Every Day Is Profound

I want to blame Hemingway or maybe Instagram for perpetuating the myth that writers live these wildly profound, poetic lives every day, full of inspiration and insights. Truthfully, my days involve email backlogs, editing rewrites that make me cringe, and trying to explain to well-meaning family members why I can’t add “…just a little horse romance subplot” to my next manuscript. So much about writing is boring.

But here’s the kicker: those mundane moments don’t make it any less beautiful. Stepping back, the mess of it all—the mundane meetings, the frustrating edits, the small, almost unnoticeable wins—adds up to something remarkable.

What This Means for You

Relationships aren’t grand epiphanies every single day either. They’re quiet cups of coffee shared on a Tuesday morning, small forgivenesses, and remembering each year that your partner doesn’t actually like carrot cake. It’s often in the simplicity that love becomes extraordinary.

Final Thoughts: From Fiction to Reality

What people get wrong about my job isn’t all that different from what people get wrong about dating or relationships. They assume it’s effortless, grand, or special every minute of every day. But the truth is better. Writing—like love—is messy, complicated, repetitive, and at times mind-numbingly boring. It also holds moments of jaw-dropping beauty that make all the rest worth it.

Your real task? Stop thinking the job (or love) has to look a certain way. If it’s messy and meaningful, you’re on the right track. In the end, what matters isn’t whether it fits the romance-novel mold—it’s whether it’s real enough to make you want to keep doing the work.

So no, I don’t just “sit around and write whatever comes to me.” But thank you for asking. I’ll be sure to ponder the matter while battling my next blank page exactly the way I’d battle any relationship challenges—with a little patience, a lot of effort, and maybe some leftover mac and cheese.