What’s in a Name, Really?

Is there anything more nerve-wracking than introducing yourself on a first date? Somewhere between fiddling with your napkin and debating whether to recommend the lobster roll, comes the inevitable question: “So, Abby… Is it short for Abigail?” And there it is—a whole lifetime of identity wrapped up in a five-second exchange while your clam chowder cools.

I’ll let you in on a secret: It’s not short for anything. I’m just Abby. But that question sets the stage for an age-old exploration of identity. Your name is what you lead with—a word people say before ever knowing who you truly are. So what does it mean if someone assumes it’s something else? Or worse, if they forget it altogether?

Let’s examine the messy, funny ways our names shape how we see ourselves, especially in the context of relationships. Because if love is a journey, your name is the monogrammed luggage tag you carry along the way.

A Name by Any Other… Apples and Abbys

Growing up, I always envied other girls who had names that came with more options. Take my best friend, Katherine. She had Kate, Katie, Kathy, Kat—even “Rin” during her briefly edgy high school phase. By comparison, Abby felt destined for simplicity. You can’t cut it down further (A? Too vague) or dress it up without legally changing it to “Countess Abberella.”

But simplicity doesn’t mean lack of depth. My parents chose my name for its honesty. Abby was straightforward, approachable—the human equivalent of a warm flannel blanket on a cold Maine evening. No pretense and no unnecessary frills, kind of like Bar Harbor itself. Names like Abigail or Gabriella, by contrast, felt like satin dresses to my down-to-earth hiking boots. Lovely, but not quite me.

Still, even Abby has baggage. There’s Abby from NCIS (aka goth lab genius vibes), Abby Cadabby from Sesame Street (a cheerful fairy—I could do worse), and let’s not forget about “Dear Abby” of syndicated advice column fame. With names, the culture lumps certain expectations onto you without permission. Are you “free-spirited Abby,” like the fairy, or “intense Abby,” like the detective?

But here’s the real kicker: Your name is just one piece of the puzzle. It’s how others start to map who you are, especially when you walk into a dating situation.

Names and the Art of First Impressions

First dates are like job interviews but with cocktails (and far fewer PowerPoint presentations). You’re presenting the best version of yourself, verbally slathered in charm. Your name inevitably plays into this.

Take a guy I once went out with—a Parker. I didn’t realize until halfway through the date that I’d accidentally called him “Patrick” four separate times. He corrected me gently each time, but let’s face it, I was fighting a losing battle. Even as I smiled at all the right jokes, a part of my brain screamed: You are blowing it with Parker-slash-Patrick.

Why did it stick so hard? Because names feel personal. Forgetting or botching someone’s name isn’t just a slip—it feels like indirectly saying, “So sorry, but you’re not important enough to remember.” Cringe-worthy, but true.

So when dating, either romantic or platonic, get their name right and use it confidently. Yet don’t swear off the relationship entirely if someone gets yours wrong. One old boyfriend called me “Annie” during our first encounter at a mutual friend’s dinner party. Did I correct him immediately? Nope. I let it ride for three full courses before his face turned crimson in realization. We laughed about it for months. Spoiler alert: I stopped laughing when he mixed up other details I did care about (like my birthday), but I digress.

When a Name Becomes a Shortcut

If names are the entry point, nicknames are the living-room furniture of romantic relationships. They’re personal—sometimes embarrassingly so. Pet names in particular become a love language all their own.

Take Jake, another Maine-baseball-cap-wearing admirer, who once affectionately started calling me “Crab Cake.” (Romantic? Debatable. But I’ll admit I’m a sucker for seafood.) Then there was “Abs,” which I tolerated even though it offered false advertising about my gym habits.

Nicknames are charmers and battlegrounds alike—as personal as a handwritten love letter and as divisive as pineapple on pizza. They’re earned through shared moments and inside jokes, sometimes sweet, sometimes downright absurd. But don’t underestimate the subtle power they hold. A nickname says “I see you,” if crafted thoughtfully. On the flip side, it can also say “I didn’t know what else to call you,” if hastily deployed.

Pro Tip: If you’re bestowing a nickname on someone new, test-drive it in your head a few times first. “Crab Cake” worked for me, but “Beach Snail” might have sunk faster than the Titanic. Context matters, folks.

The Name Game: Searching for Meaning

In my downtime—usually somewhere between re-reading The Secret Life of Lobsters and heading into town for locally made blueberry pie—I’ve occasionally gone down rabbit holes looking up name origins. It’s fascinating stuff!

“Abby,” as it turns out, is derived from Hebrew roots meaning “father’s joy.” Maybe that’s why I’ve always felt a certain steadiness. There’s something grounding in knowing that the name my parents chose was rooted in happiness.

If you’ve never looked up the meaning of your name—or the name of your love interest—I highly recommend giving it a go. Sure, it leans slightly into astrology-for-beginners territory (my bad), but it’s a no-stakes way to understand yourself or someone else a bit better, especially in the context of making a connection.

And if you hate the meaning behind your name? That just gives you extra material for the first-date origin story you’re going to spin.

The Empowering Part of Naming Yourself

There’s a fascinating freedom in knowing we can create our own meaning for our names. When we navigate relationships, we teach people what that name represents through how we show up—flaws and strengths together. For me, every time I walk a rocky Bar Harbor trail, pen coastline-inspired stories, or share a grilled haddock sandwich on a seaside date, I’m reinforcing what “Abby” means. A name might lead, but the essence of who we are backs it up.

And if someday a partner calls me Aberella ironically, who knows? Maybe I’ll roll with it.

So, What Does Your Name Say About You?

Not every name has a dramatic backstory, and not every romantic partner will remember yours the first time. That’s all part of the fun. When someone gets it wrong—or tries too hard to give you a nickname that doesn’t stick—it’s not a dealbreaker; it’s a conversation starter.

Whether you’re an Abby or a Zachary, a Janelle or a Reggie, your name is your story’s prologue—not the whole novel. Regardless of what it’s short for (or not), make it yours. Wear it proudly. Use it to start the kinds of connections that feel effortlessly, authentically you. Because at the end of the day, your name doesn’t define you—how you show up does.

And if you ever forget your Bar Harbor tour guide’s name, just call her Crab Cake. She won’t mind.