The Habit That Saved Me

The Night I Realized I Was Tired of My Own Excuses

It was a Tuesday night in Miami, the kind where the humidity clings to your skin like a needy ex. I’d just ghosted my gym buddy for the third time that month, opting instead to sit on my abuela’s couch eating pastelitos and scrolling aimlessly through Instagram. It wasn’t just the gym I’d avoided: texts went unanswered, plans fizzled out, and somewhere between the cafecito and that second croqueta, I realized I was officially "that guy"—always too busy, too tired, or too distracted to show up.

But the thing is, I wasn’t those things. Not really. I was comfortable in my routine, uninspired and coasting through my relationships, both romantic and platonic. The breaking point? A text from my best friend in all caps: "DO YOU EVEN LIKE BEING FRIENDS??"

Ouch. It was like getting called out in the middle of a high school cafeteria. I liked being friends—I loved it, even—but I wasn’t acting like it. I’d become the ghost haunting my own life. Something had to change, and it all started with one deceptively simple habit: saying yes.

What Saying Yes Actually Looks Like (Hint: It’s Harder Than It Sounds)

Before you picture me dramatically flipping a table and announcing a life overhaul to my Cuban family over arroz con pollo, let me dial it back. I didn’t suddenly agree to every coffee date or invent some hyper-scheduled “yes” calendar. What I did was smaller, but it packed a punch: I decided, for one month, I wouldn’t default to no—not to people, opportunities, or even myself. Instead, I created a rule to pause and genuinely consider: What’s the worst that could happen if I said yes?

Let me tell you, the worst seldom happened.

Yes-ing in action looked like: - Accepting that salsa class my coworker swore by, even though I hadn’t danced since my cousin’s quinceañera. - Calling my mom back right away instead of putting it off, knowing full well she’d just ask if I was eating enough. - Attending a friend’s open mic night and actively listening—not just showing up to snap the required Instagram Story. - Saying “sure” to biking along the ocean on a first date, despite my fear of unflattering sweat stains.

Here’s the thing: if you’re like me, you don’t actually fear the thing you’re saying no to. You fear the discomfort, the possible awkwardness, the vulnerability of being fully present. But when I leaned into those moments, they didn’t feel like work. They felt... alive.

Lesson 1: Showing Up Isn’t About Perfection

Let’s talk about that salsa class. Spoiler: I am no Celia Cruz on the dance floor. The instructor paired me with a septuagenarian named Victor, who, like the abuelos of Miami, did not come to play. Victor barked commands at me like a boot camp sergeant while my feet stumbled in every direction but the correct one.

Did I look ridiculous? Yes. Did I walk out mortified? Also, yes. But here’s what I didn’t do: quit. To my surprise, by the third class, I found myself laughing. I stopped obsessing over whether I had rhythm (I don’t) and focused on the joy of simply trying. Showing up, even poorly, still deepened the experience—and isn’t that what connection is all about?

Lesson 2: Energy Is Contagious—And That’s a Good Thing

Something unexpected happens when you start showing up: people notice. My best friend—did I mention the one I ghosted?—invited me for drinks, cautiously testing my new habit. I didn’t cancel. Instead, I arrived early. She even did a double take and joked, “New Martin, who this?”

Guess what happened? The energy shifted. Our laughter doubled, the inside jokes flowed, and I realized how much brighter life felt when I was fully present, instead of half-heartedly nodding while mentally scrolling through my mental to-do list. It turns out, people appreciate it when you care enough to mean it—wild concept, I know.

This ripple effect spread quickly. Those small moments of saying yes became catalysts for bigger, more meaningful connections. My relationships didn’t just improve; they thrived. Who’d have guessed a single habit could snowball so effectively?

Lesson 3: You’re Allowed to Say No To Protect Your Yes

Before you get caught up in imagining me as some Cuban Jim Carrey from Yes Man, let me clarify: saying yes is only powerful if used intentionally. I learned that saying yes to everything can dilute your ability to show up authentically. My real shift was learning to prioritize yes over autopilot no.

There were times I still said no, but those were deliberate no’s, made not out of fear or laziness but out of self-respect. Saying no to a chaotic work commitment gave me the space to say yes to game night with my family. Declining an ill-fated date meant I had the energy to swipe yes on someone better suited to me. In learning when to say no, my yeses carried more weight—and let me tell you, they hit hard in all the best ways.

When Yes Transformed My Love Life

Speaking of swiping yes, that leads me to the day I met Camila. We matched on a whim—her bio said something witty about people who can’t parallel park deserving grace in life, and I couldn’t resist. When she suggested meeting for Cuban coffee but at a chain (instant sacrilege, if you’re from Miami), my gut reaction was to nope out. But then, that habit kicked in. With a hesitant “sure, why not,” I agreed.

That one yes led to the kind of happy-hour conversation that stretches into dinner and turns into a Sunday morning text binge. I can’t promise every yes will turn into a great love story, but I can guarantee you’ll never know what you’re missing if you’re too quick to say no.

Make It Work for You: A Yes Checklist

If you’re ready to give this habit a try, start small, and be intentional. Not every yes has to be life-changing, but it does need a purpose. Consider these questions before agreeing:
1. Am I avoiding this out of fear or laziness? If the answer’s yes, lean into the discomfort.
2. Will this actively improve my connection with myself or others? Invest your yes where it matters.
3. Is this a “yes” I’ll be proud of later? If not, feel free to pass—your yeses inspire the life you want to lead.

Why One Habit Changed Everything

They say the devil is in the details, but I’d argue so is salvation. By changing one small response, I gained more than I expected: stronger friendships, deeper family ties, richer romantic connections, and—perhaps most importantly—a sharper sense of me.

Saying yes didn’t just change the rhythm of my days; it polished the edges of my relationships and carved joy out of the mundane. Who knew that a little three-letter word could rebuild bridges, spark laughter, and even set the perfect stage for love?

So, I dare you—start today. Say yes to the thing that scares or bores you just a little. Because here’s the truth: sometimes, the life you want is the one waiting just on the other side of the word "yes."