The Things You Carry: Why Your Obsessions Matter
Every now and then, I catch myself talking too much about train whistles. Not the kind you hear echoing through the valleys of my native West Virginia, but the nostalgic, slightly tinny hum of toy trains. And the people I’m talking to? Well, they don’t always stick around long enough to hear the part where I explain how my HO-scale train set taught me about patience, precision, and repairing things that come off their tracks.
Whether you’re six years old or thirty-six, passions like these can make you feel like you’re walking a fine line between quirky and, let’s call it, niche. But here’s what I’ve learned through years of writing, relationships, and the occasional awkward first date: what we’re obsessed with—those seemingly peculiar, endlessly fascinating things that make us tick—aren’t just “cute hobbies.” They’re the DNA of who we are. And when it comes to love, connection, and our purpose, they matter more than we think.
Let’s unpack that a bit, shall we?
Your Passions? They're Basically Breadcrumbs for Love
Here’s the thing about that model train: it always sneaks into my relationships, one way or another. When I lived in LA and everyone else was into kombucha brewing and hot yoga (both noble pursuits, by the way), I’d quietly cruise over to Pasadena on weekends to visit this quirky backyard train museum. It had those clattering, miniature steam engines and plywood landscapes that brought me back to the toy aisle in rural West Virginia.
And you know what? The woman I was dating at the time thought it was adorable. Not just the trains themselves, but the fact that I cared so much about something so...unexpected. That’s the magic trick here—show someone what sparks your curiosity, and chances are, they’ll be drawn to you in ways that stretch far beyond your shared Netflix queue.
What we love reveals who we are. My obsession with those trains? It’s deeply rooted in growing up watching my dad tinker with engines—coal mining machines one day, the old truck in our backyard the next. That intentionality, that drive to fix what’s broken instead of tossing it aside? Turns out, I bring that same grit to relationships. No train-adoring partner required, either (though dating a fellow enthusiast would be a bonus, for sure).
You’re Not “Too Weird”—You’re Just a Little Bit Magic
I can already hear what you’re thinking: But James, what if my obsessions aren’t cute or easily Instagrammable?
Maybe you’re into amateur taxidermy, niche 80s horror films, or charting every bird sighted in your neighborhood. Let me stop you right there: it’s not about mainstream appeal, it’s about authenticity. The love someone feels for you will always go deeper than your top-five Spotify playlists or whether your hobby is dinner-party-friendly.
Take my friend Carla, who collects vintage typewriters—a pursuit that’s as charming as it is niche. On her third date with her now-fiancé, she dragged him along to a flea market to help her haul home a rusted Smith Corona with sticky keys. It wasn’t the typewriter itself that sealed the deal—it was witnessing her transformed, alight with curiosity and confidence. Who wouldn’t want to be part of that glow?
Our quirks remind people that we’re unrepeatable, one-of-a-kind. And isn’t that what dating and relationships are all about? Finding someone who reminds you that your magic—even if it involves memorizing obscure facts about 19th-century coal mining—is worth sticking around for.
How to Lean into Your Obsessions (Without Overdoing It)
Okay, I get it. We’re not all Walt Whitman over here, blissfully singing the body electric and asking the world to accept us as we are. Sometimes, it feels easier to shove your passions into a drawer labeled Things I Worry Will Make Me Seem Uncool. But here’s how you can let your unique self shine without coming on too strong:
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Highlight, Don’t Overwhelm
Ever been cornered by someone who won’t stop talking about CrossFit or cryptocurrency? It’s not the interest itself that’s off-putting but the lack of breathing room for anything else. Talk about what you love, but include your date or partner in the conversation. Ask what lights them up. Cue the magic of connection. -
Find Shared Values in Your Passions
Obsessions aren’t just about the thing itself—they’re often stand-ins for deeper values. Train sets? Maybe they speak to a love of creating order from chaos. Vintage typewriters? Perhaps they reflect a desire to slow down in our tech-frenzied world. Share how your passion connects to the bigger picture of who you are. -
Bring Playfulness to the Table
Listen, personality traits that come across as intense or overly serious at first can turn people off. But a little humor and playfulness go a long way. When I’m ready to talk about trains, I lead with a funny story—like the time my nephew accidentally sent one sailing off a cliff in my make-shift Appalachian Railroad. Turns out, laughter is the quickest way to ease into the “weird stuff.” -
Be Open to Theirs, Too
It’s not just about sharing what you’re obsessed with; it’s also about being curious and supportive of what they love. People open up when they feel safe, not judged.
Why Your Quirks Make Long-Term Love Better
The obsession angle doesn’t fade after the initial flirty phase—it deepens. If anything, those quirks become magnets for connection in the day-to-day rhythm of life.
When I met my now-partner (let’s call her Lily), she didn’t care about trains. But over time, she noticed how obsessive I could be about fixing the weekend coffee maker or re-replacing the calcium deposits in the showerhead. That tendency to dig in? It shows up in the way I stay devoted when we argue, watch her favorite shows (even if period dramas aren't my thing), and memorize each weird little detail of what she cherishes about life.
And her quirks? She’s an amateur flintknapper—which means she literally makes arrowheads from stones in our coastal Maine backyard. Her patience and artistry fascinate me. Watching her in her element, carefully chipping away smooth edges as the ocean wind tangles through her hair, reminds me what love is really about: being inspired by someone’s passions, even when they’re not your own.
Closing: Let Your Obsessions Do the Talking
If there’s one thing years of new cities, relationships, and caffeinated late-night writing marathons have taught me, it’s that obsessing over something doesn’t make you weird—it makes you whole. Those unique fascinations you carry? They're little roadmaps guiding the right people toward you.
But here’s the secret: opening up about them means embracing vulnerability. It’s risky, sure, but it’s also the only way to ever truly connect. So, the next time someone asks what you’re into, skip the generic small talk. Tell them about the birdwatching spreadsheet, the dusty shelves of typewriters, or the model trains whistling in your childhood bedroom.
Because love doesn’t demand perfection; it asks for devotion. The more we lean into what makes us us, the better chance we have at finding someone who gets it—and loves it—all the same.
