The Person Who Saw Me

Somewhere between the tangled mess of dating disasters, career hiccups, and personal doubts that make up my twenties, someone saw me. Not just “saw” the way your date does when they glance at your Instagram mid-conversation (yes, I see you scrolling, Kyle). I mean someone saw me—the person I was, the person I could be—and gently reoriented my life like a well-placed GPS reroute. It wasn’t dramatic, but it was monumental. And it taught me everything about the power of connection, whether you’re meeting someone across a boardroom or a candlelit dinner table.

Crossing Paths with Your Own Plot Twist

I first met Carmen when I was teetering on the edge of a quarter-life identity crisis. For context, I’m Navajo, and I grew up navigating the tightrope between the cultural richness of home and the chaos of the wider world. By the time I hit my mid-twenties, I’d mastered the delicate art of appearing competent while secretly questioning every decision I made. I was bobbing through young adulthood, powered by sheer determination and an unhealthy amount of iced coffee.

Carmen was my mentor at an internship with a nonprofit focused on preserving indigenous heritage. She had this rare mix of fierceness and warmth—the kind of person who could call you out with love but still make you laugh about it. She caught onto my imposter syndrome almost immediately (a skill, because I was excellent at hiding it). During a post-meeting coffee run, she leveled me with a single question: “Do you know how brilliant you are?”

Let me tell you—no one was asking me that in 2017. Most people wanted to know if I could email them the meeting notes or whether I wanted almond milk in my latte. Her words landed like a plot twist in a movie I didn’t know I was starring in. Brilliant? Me? If Carmen had been handing out unsolicited compliments like candy wrappers, I might have brushed her off. But she didn’t. She meant it, and it made me see myself differently.

What it Means to Feel “Seen”

Feeling seen is not about someone showering you with compliments like glitter at a music festival. It’s about someone digging beneath the surface and holding up a mirror for you to look into—when you’ve been avoiding a hard gaze. It’s the kind of insight and trust that can come from a mentor, a friend, or, honestly, that one bartender who gives the best terrible dating advice but somehow says exactly what you need to hear.

Here’s why it matters: whether in love or life, feeling unseen can feel like you’re yelling into the void. Many of us spend so much time trying to mold ourselves into what we think other people want—quirkier, taller, quieter, more spontaneous—that we lose track of who we are entirely. When someone breaks that cycle by saying “I see you,” it feels a little like finding the trail markers on a hike you were sure you were lost on. (And yes, I’ve been that lost hiker. Thanks, Carmen.)

Small Moments, Big Shifts

Carmen didn’t single-handedly transform my life the way you see in the movies. There were no sweeping montages of me shedding all insecurities and ascending to glory. What happened instead was a series of small moments—nudges, bits of advice, and the occasional “Tiana, stop overthinking this” text—that collectively altered my trajectory.

One example: I hadn’t planned on sharing about my Navajo heritage outside of home. It wasn’t that I was ashamed; I just wasn’t sure how to balance it with the fast-paced, hyper-networked world I was navigating. Carmen, who’s Chilean, encouraged me to blend both worlds instead of separating them. “Your culture is your superpower,” she told me. “Stop thinking of it as something to compartmentalize.”

Flash forward to a year later, and those words were echoing in my head as I gave an unexpectedly personal (and terrifying) presentation on cultural preservation at an international conference. It was equal parts nerve-wracking and healing. I spoke about home, and how it shaped me—something I’d never imagined doing in a professional setting. And guess what? The world didn’t implode. In fact, people wanted to talk to me afterward. (One person awkwardly compared my storytelling to Moana, which I’ll take as a win, even if the Disney soundtrack was unnecessary.)

How This Relates to Love, Actually

So, what does this have to do with dating and relationships? A lot, actually. Feeling seen is a hallmark of the most meaningful connections, whether romantic or platonic. You know that moment when someone remembers a detail about you so specific it catches you off guard? Like the fact that your favorite comfort food is a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch eaten straight from the box? Or that your favorite hobby involves collecting vintage postcards no one else cares about? That’s the stuff intimacy is made of.

When someone genuinely sees you, it chips away at the walls life builds up. It’s equal parts powerful and terrifying. And it’s why, honestly, the best thing you can be in any relationship—whether it’s with a partner, a friend, or someone new you’re just starting to know—is observant. Here’s how you can embrace that:

  • Show Up for the Small Stuff: If your friend mentions they’re nervous about their first date with someone, follow up. Ask how it went. Sometimes, being seen just means being remembered.

  • Ask Real Questions: Stop defaulting to generic “How’s it going?” texts. Try something more open-ended like, “What’s been inspiring you lately?” You might be surprised by the answers.

  • Slow Down: We’re all racing to the next milestone. Pause. Listen. Put your phone down when someone is sharing something important. And yes, that includes stopping mid-scroll to look up from TikTok.

Seeing Others, Seeing Yourself

Here’s the twist: the better you get at seeing others, the less likely you are to lose sight of yourself. Carmen’s belief in me pushed me to value what makes me unique—and to bring that to every relationship, not just at work. These days, I lead with authenticity, even in awkward places like first-date conversations or meeting people I’d rather impress. Spoiler alert: the things that make you “you” are often the things people fall hardest for.

I won’t lie—unlearning self-doubt is an ongoing process. I still hear my inner critic sometimes. (“You sure you wanna wear that sweater? It’s giving middle-school art teacher.”) But then I think of Carmen’s voice in my head saying, “You’re brilliant, really, and anyone who doesn’t see it isn’t looking hard enough.” And somehow, I know I’m going to be okay.

Facing Your Story with Fresh Eyes

Relationships—whether they’re romantic, professional, or somewhere in between—all come down to being able to see and be seen. To be fair, this is easier said than done. Life can be noisy, distracted, and a little messy (hello, my calendar). But small choices, like listening better or taking a moment to boost someone’s confidence, can make all the difference.

Maybe you’ll get lucky and meet your own Carmen—a mentor, friend, or partner who pulls you out of a stuck moment and points you deeper into your truth. Or maybe, you’ll be the one to do that for someone else. Either way, don’t underestimate the power of telling someone, “I see you, and you’re worth it.”

Because that, dear reader, is where all the best relationships begin.