It started with socks. Innocuous, unsexy, downright utilitarian socks. I know—it doesn’t scream life transformation, but bear with me. Years ago, during a particularly raw winter in Maine, I found myself staring into the abyss of my laundry pile (an epic tale of procrastination). Among the disaster was an unmatched, threadbare sock that honestly should have been retired when Reagan was still in office. A thought struck me: How did I let something so small spiral so out of control? That sock became a metaphor for how I was living my life. Messy. Scattered. Unintentional.

That day, I made a decision. Scratch that—I made a habit. I resolved to embrace a simple but game-changing principle: focus on the small stuff. As someone who grew up in the mountains of West Virginia and spent years chasing dreams (and deadlines) in the bustling sprawl of Los Angeles, I know how easy it is to get caught up in the big picture and forget the daily habits that shape it. What I didn’t realize was how much this one shift would save me—not just my sanity but my relationships, too.

The Big Little Habit

Here's the thing about habits—they often go unnoticed, sitting in the background like the uncredited extras in a blockbuster. But habits are the scaffolding of your life. Once I decided to conquer chaos starting with my sock drawer, it snowballed into a more intentional existence. I didn’t gate-crash my way into sweeping life changes. Small steps, those tiny victories, were the name of the game.

Instead of saying, "I'm going to overhaul my relationships," I asked myself, “What’s the one thing I can do better today?” That question became my North Star. Little by little, I noticed how shifting my focus to small, deliberate actions could save me from becoming the guy constantly stumbling his way through relationships like a blindfolded contestant on a game show.

If you’re thinking this sounds like a pep talk ripped from the pages of a personal development masterclass, let me clarify: I’m a guy who still occasionally eats peanut butter directly out of the jar and can fall down a YouTube rabbit hole of 90s wrestling clips. I’m not perfect. But that’s the beauty of this habit—it doesn’t demand perfection. Just attention to the small stuff.

Why It Works (Even for People Who “Don’t Have Time”)

In relationships, we’re often wired to fixate on the thrilling highs and sweeping romantic gestures—the grand surprises, epic trips, perfectly captioned Instagram photos. But let me tell you what I’ve learned from balancing coal-mining grit with an LA perspective: small things > big promises.

Think of it like building a campfire. You can toss a giant fuel log onto the flame, but it’s the little kindling sticks that actually get the fire going. Grand gestures are nice, but they don’t sustain a relationship. The real magic happens in the everyday moments, the small acts of kindness, and a willingness to pay attention.

So here’s the absolute kicker: when I took this “small stuff matters” mindset into my love life, everything changed. Forget sweeping apologies or vows to "be a better partner"—I focused on small, consistent habits that made my connections feel steady and cared for.

A Few Small Habits That Save Relationships

  1. Send the Random “Thinking of You” Messages.
    Look, love doesn’t have to be 24/7 deep conversations or Nicholas Sparks-level declarations of devotion. A short text in the middle of a busy day? That’s gold. I’ve sent everything from “Saw a license plate from your home state, made me think of you” to “Just saw a dog that reminded me of your smile. Yeah, I said it.” Cheesy? Maybe. But I’ll tell you this—it never fails to get a chuckle or a heartfelt response.

  2. Put the Phone Down During Dinner.
    This one didn’t happen overnight, not when years of being tethered to breaking news trained my brain to treat meal breaks as Twitter Scroll O’Clock. But when I finally set the phone aside and gave my full attention to whoever was sitting across from me, I saw subtle but seismic changes. There’s a kind of magic in eye contact, friends. Turns out, genuine connection doesn’t mix with push notifications. Who knew?

  3. Remember the Small Details.
    My partner once told me her favorite childhood dessert was banana pudding with Nilla wafers, homemade by her grandma. Months later, I surprised her by attempting to recreate it. (Keyword: attempting. My pudding was a little more “southern soup.”) The look on her face, though, as she realized I’d remembered that tiny detail—well, that’s when I learned it’s less about perfection and more about intention.

  4. Say “Thank You” for the Little Things.
    Gratitude works wonders. A quick "thank you for folding the laundry" or "I really appreciate the way you always keep track of our schedules" doesn’t just show appreciation—it builds trust. Saying thank you is weirdly underrated, and it’s easy to forget. But try it, and you’ll see how it nurtures a sense of being seen and valued.

When Small Habits Save Big Moments

Here’s a true story of how one small habit pulled me out of a potential love life disaster. A few years ago, I was in a long-distance relationship—a tricky arrangement that requires military-grade communication skills just to schedule a weekend together. During one particularly chaotic week, I scribbled “call Sarah” into my planner. Not "talk about relationship stuff" or "work through the time-zone drama." Just a call—15 minutes max.

We didn’t hash out heavy plans that day. We just laughed about how my neighbor’s cat kept breaking into my garage, and she told me about a new hobby she was trying out. It was light. Fun. But that one call erased days of tension, reminding me that sometimes the best bridges are built with the quiet consistency of reaching out—nothing dramatic, just one brick at a time.

Conclusion: Build the Kindling, Not the Bonfire

Life teaches us funny lessons in quiet ways. For me, it came through mismatched socks and the slow buildup of intentional habits. But here’s what I know now: focusing on the small stuff doesn’t mean minimizing your efforts—it means amplifying them in meaningful ways. When you take care of the socks, the threadbare details in your life, you create space for the big-picture moments to thrive.

I can’t guarantee these habits will instantly transform your relationships or solve all your problems. All I can say is this: they saved me. They made me more attentive, more grounded, more grateful for the people I love. And they taught me that the secret to keeping the fire alive isn’t dousing it with gasoline—it’s thoughtfully, consistently, nurturing the sparks.

So here’s my challenge to you: What’s one small thing you can do better today? Trust me, it’s the small stuff that saves. Always has. Always will.