I grew up in a house where love was expressed through the steady hum of vintage vinyl, the smell of freshly baked sourdough, and as much sunlight as a Santa Barbara hillside could soak in. It was a world of essentials—little treasures that brought comfort and joy. And though I’ve traded my childhood backyard for the breezy apartment balconies of Santa Monica, my life still revolves around those “can’t-live-without” staples. They’re part survival kit, part self-care, and—who am I kidding?—a touch of curated aesthetic. Here’s what’s seen me through life’s highs, lows, and “Will they text me back?” sleepless nights.

1. A Candle That Smells Like the Better Version of Me

Scent is the ultimate mood-setter. And nothing says “I’ve got it (mostly) together” like lighting a candle that smells like the love child of a coastal breeze and a farmers market in Provence. My go-to? A soy wax option with notes of sea salt and eucalyptus—a perfect nod to my laid-back California roots. Bonus points if the label makes me look pretentious-but-still-approachable to dinner guests. You’d be amazed how much a flickering wick can soften “pre-date jitters” or “existential spiral at 2 a.m.”

2. The Perfect White T-Shirt

There’s a specific kind of alchemy that happens when you slide into the right white T-shirt: tucked just-so into jeans, it says “effortlessly cool” without actually having to try. My current favorite is soft, sustainably made, and has survived at least three coffee spills and a rogue dog paw. It’s utilitarian romance at its finest. Whether I’m grabbing a kombucha at the farmers market or playing third wheel at a friend’s engagement BBQ (classic), I know this shirt has me covered—literally and metaphorically.

3. My Notebook of Messy Half-Thoughts

As a writer, I’ve learned that inspiration doesn’t wait for “good timing.” My notebook—not an app, an actual notebook—lets me grab fleeting moments of brilliance, whether it’s a poetic thought about tide pools or the sudden realization that my therapist was right about everything. (Fine, most things.) Flipping through its pages is like reading a time capsule of myself: past crushes, future ambitions, and at least one doodle of a seagull. Find me without it and assume I’ve been abducted.

4. A Kick-Ass Playlist

Life without music is basically one long buffering screen. I keep a carefully curated playlist for every emotional landscape: the heartbreak overanalyzer (Fleetwood Mac’s “Silver Springs,” on repeat), the morning surf vibes (anything by Tom Misch), and yes, the romantic optimism booster (looking at you, Leon Bridges). I once played “Dreams” on a first date’s Bluetooth speaker and they described it as “predictable.” To which I say: loving classics isn’t predictable; it’s taste. Also, we didn’t go out again.

5. A Hikes-Anywhere Pair of Shoes

Growing up in Santa Barbara, nature wasn’t just scenery—it was a second parent. My shoes, scuffed but dependable, can go from coastal bluffs to an impromptu brewery stop without missing a beat (or airing out too much trail funk). When I’m stuck on a relationship dilemma, a walk among trees clears my head in ways no heart-to-heart ever has. Want perspective on your dating life? Stand at the edge of the ocean. It’ll remind you how small your problems are—and how big your potential is.

6. A Meal That Feels Like Home

There’s a reason every rom-com has a food montage: meals have magic. For me, it’s grilled salmon with lemon butter and a side of something green but forgiving (asparagus, in case you’re wondering). It’s the dish my mom taught me after I broke up with my college girlfriend while a Radiohead album played in the background (truly unhinged behavior—I blame Youth). Cooking it now reminds me that even solo dinners can feel like love letters to myself.

7. A Camera That’s Not My Phone

Sometimes, the best moments deserve better than a dusty iPhone lens. My vintage Canon AE-1—a secondhand treasure I picked up while pretending I understood film stocks—is my secret weapon for slowing down and appreciating life’s little details. A sunbeam through my kitchen window? Snap. A spontaneous kiss on a foggy pier? Definitely snap. If nothing else, it gives me plausible deniability for being the guy who romanticizes everything. Sorry not sorry.

8. Sunblock, Because Seriously

Dating is fun; skin damage isn’t. Some lessons you learn the hard way, like when a teenage me thought a base tan was “essential” after one too many Malibu Spring Breaks. (Spoiler: It’s not.) These days, a mineral SPF that smells vaguely of coconuts is non-negotiable. I apply it religiously—part self-preservation, part love letter to Future Chris. Because nothing says “I’d swipe right on my own bio” like protecting your largest organ. (Get your mind out of the gutter.)

9. The Book That Changed Everything

Everyone needs one book that shakes their view of the world. For me, it was Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring. It’s a reminder that what we nurture, grows—and that goes for relationships, too. (You knew I’d find a way to make this about love, didn’t you?) It’s why I donate to conservation projects, leave no trace during beach days, and can’t stand people who litter. The world, like your heart, is worth protecting.

10. Community—Because None of Us Navigate Alone

Let’s call this what it is: the real MVP of any list of essentials. Community isn’t about the size of your friend group, but the depth of your connections. I’m lucky to have one that spans from lifelong friends back home to newer ones over Sunday pancakes here in Santa Monica. They’re the people who know when I need a laugh, a hug, or, occasionally, an intervention when my dating habits get “abstract-art experimental.” Find your people and hold them close—they make every overcast day feel like golden hour.

Life is chaotic and unpredictable. (I mean, have you tried living through a global pandemic?) But when you boil it down, the things we can’t live without aren’t really things at all—they’re extensions of who we are and what we value. Whether it’s the glow of a candle or the warmth of someone laughing at your very dumb joke, essentials keep us grounded in our own skin. My list won’t look like yours, and that’s the point.

So, what’s on your can’t-live-without list? Trust me, it’s worth keeping track of. Because in a world so full of distractions, our essentials tether us to what matters most. And that, my friends, is as essential as it gets.