It starts in the simplest of moments. A cousin’s wedding, back in Beaumont, where the music moves your soul as much as the sweat on your brow, and you’re passing collard greens to an uncle who calls you “city boy” now, even though the concrete of Houston is just 90 miles away. It’s the kind of family scene where everything feels timeless—until an aunt asks, “So, anybody special?”

And there it is. That slight hitch in the record. You smile, weighing how much to share.

Being stuck between worlds isn’t always profound or poetic. Sometimes, it’s just a balancing act between sharing too little and giving up way too much, navigating moments where parts of you don’t seamlessly fit. For me, it’s being a gay Black man who grew up in a conservative Texas town yet spends weekends DJing judgment-free zones at brunch tables. It’s the push and pull between who you were raised to be and everything you’ve grown into.

But living between worlds isn’t just my story—it’s all of ours in one way or another. Whether it’s juggling cultures, communities, or identities, the dualities in our lives can be both a learning curve and a love letter to ourselves. Let’s explore how to steer through them, one occasionally awkward, often beautiful moment at a time.

The Split-Soul Shuffle

Navigating dualities feels a little like being double-booked for a date night: one side of you is drawn to the comfort of familiarity, while the other craves the excitement of exploring something (or someone) new. If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re probably doing what I call the Split-Soul Shuffle.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel that dance every time I went home. In my family, sharing your love life over dinner meant providing receipts—wedding Pinterest boards and all. But there aren’t too many templates for queerness among the pot roast crew. That first family gathering after I came out? Whew. I spent half the evening dodging pointed questions like a politician and the other half reassuring my grandma that my boyfriend at the time didn’t turn me off cornbread forever (he was Paleo; I wasn’t).

The Split-Soul Shuffle isn’t limited to family dynamics. Maybe you’ve wrestled with feelings like:
- Feeling you’re “not Black enough” around some circles but too “extra” in others.
- Straddling two cultural identities, like celebrating Lunar New Year with dumplings and then hosting a Super Bowl party the next day.
- Translating your professional self (the one who says “circle back” with a straight face) into something more relaxed when meeting potential dates.

Navigating these moments isn’t about completely fitting into one box or another. It’s about embracing your everything bagel of experiences and bringing it to the table, cream cheese, capers, and all.

Finding (and Owning) Your Duality Superpowers

Being between worlds doesn’t have to be a disadvantage—it can be your greatest strength. The key is figuring out how to harness what makes you unique and applying it as a tool for connection.

Here’s how:

  1. Lead with What You Love, Not What They Expect
    I used to think my childhood growing up in Beaumont was a thing to minimize, not celebrate. Nobody in Houston seemed interested in my stories of Friday night football or learning to two-step at someone’s 16th birthday party. But then I started leaning into it. One night at a bar, I mentioned growing up with zydeco music at family cookouts, and someone practically leaped at me with their playlist of Creole bangers. Common ground found.

    Pro tip: When sharing who you are, start with what genuinely lights you up. The enthusiasm is contagious, and it shows people the authentic you.

  2. Learn the Art of Code-Switching Without Losing Yourself
    Whether you’re moving between cultural identities or even friend groups, code-switching isn't inherently bad—it’s a skill. Think of it like wearing an outfit that fits the occasion. When I speak to my Southern Baptist relatives, I might cool it on the Beyoncé theology (keyword: might). But I never squash the core of who I am. You can adjust your tone without muting your truth.

    Ask yourself: What parts of me feel sacred, and what parts are OK to flex?

  3. Riffs, Not Resolutions
    Accept that some contradictions might never be neatly resolved—and that’s OK. Like the time I dragged my boyfriend to a family fish fry and then feared there would be zero vegan options for him (there weren’t). We survived. The dualities in your life aren’t problems to fix; they’re remixes of your identity. Own them with flair, even if you hit a few sour notes.

Dating While Double-Dipping

Dating when you’re straddling multiple worlds comes with its own learning curve. Case in point: I once dated a guy who was all art galleries and boutique wine bars. Lovely in theory, but the minute I suggested anywhere with a jukebox, I might as well have said, “Let’s go cow tipping.” On the flip side, I went home with someone who called me “uppity” for knowing what a charcuterie board was.

Here’s the tea: People who make you feel you’re too much or not enough for them? Not it. Your quirks and intersections aren’t liabilities—they’re assets that deserve spaces that honor them.

A few quick dating tips for blending your duality:
- Pre-screen for curiosity. A good date is more interested in asking "Why?" than judging "What?" If they dismiss parts of your identity, they’re probably not worth your time.
- Present the real you. Share both the wild (say, your obsession with karaoke) and the lovely (that mini soul food recipe book you’ve been curating). You’ll attract people who genuinely vibe with you.
- Embrace opposites (to a point). Having different tastes can be fun. The key is mutual respect. Just make sure their “LOL, country music is so trash” comment doesn’t come up during the second verse of “Before He Cheats.” Awkward.

Letting Your Worlds Collide, Carefully

If living between worlds teaches you anything, it’s the beauty of intersections. But letting your worlds collide—family meeting your friends, professional merging into personal—can still feel like a vulnerable tightrope walk.

Recently, I hosted a potluck where I invited friends from different corners of my life. Imagine Beyoncé stans, old church friends, and a writer colleague discussing whether gumbo is technically a soup (spoiler alert: it’s not). For a moment, I panicked at the thought of someone saying something off or snapping the invisible threads holding all the harmony together. But in the end, the mix of energies gave me life. Everyone didn’t have to fully “get” each other—they just had to respect and show up.

And honestly? That’s all we can ask for.

The Takeaway: You’re the Glue

Living between worlds often feels like you’re stretched thin, constantly mediating between the different pieces of you. But here’s the secret: You’re not fragile—you’re the glue. The unique way you weave your stories, connections, and spaces together is what makes you, you.

Lean into your contradictions. Show up unapologetically as the vibrant, multifaceted person you are. Truth is, the uncomfortable moments of duality teach us to find strength in our intersecting identities. And don’t forget: if all else fails, the universal glue is Beyoncé. Always Beyoncé.

You’ve got this, and the worlds you bridge are luckier for having you.