Curiosity is underrated. We talk endlessly about confidence, about how we need it to nail first dates, job interviews, and karaoke sets (I truly thought I could rock Alanis Morissette once—big mistake). But curiosity? That’s the secret sauce we don’t talk about enough, the force behind some of life’s best moments. It’s what nudges you to try Ethiopian food for the first time, ask the deep questions, or spark conversations that lead to surprising connections. Curious people have this unspoken magic—they notice things others don’t, dig a little deeper, and stumble into joy in the most unexpected ways.

Here’s the kicker though: When it comes to relationships, curiosity is your golden ticket. Not just in the get-to-know-you phase, but every step of the way. And trust me, I have stories.

How Wandering (and Wondering) Can Save You from Yourself

The summer after my first year of grad school in Oregon, I went camping solo near the North Umpqua River. I was clawing my way out of a relationship that had gone stale—everything had felt predictable, like eating soggy toast on repeat. So, that weekend was about rediscovering myself (and also because I wanted to avoid running into my ex at our favorite coffee spot for the 14th time). Pitching my tent next to towering Douglas firs, I felt invincible, like I’d landed somewhere in a John Denver song.

But camping alone is basically an emotional pressure cooker. Somewhere between boiling ramen on my camp stove and trying to identify constellations in the night sky, I realized how much of myself I’d been holding back in that relationship. I hadn’t been curious, not about him or myself. Somewhere along the way, I’d fallen into that trap of assuming I knew everything there was to know about us. Spoiler: I was super wrong.

That night, I promised myself to get curious again—not only about the people in my life but also about the world around me. Curiosity, I learned, is the antidote to the assumption-rut that breaks even strong relationships. It’s the mental equivalent of shaking an Etch A Sketch and starting fresh.

The Art of Asking Better Questions

Want to deepen any connection? Start with better questions. Not the dull, interview-style ones like "What do you do?" or “How’s work been?” Please, no. No one lies awake dreaming of a partner who asks them about quarterly earnings.

Instead, try this: Ask the weird, unexpected questions. A couple weeks ago, a friend told me he met his now-girlfriend because she asked him what his death-row meal would be. He went with barbecue ribs; she said mashed potatoes so buttery they should come with a health warning. Boom—instant connection.

When you get genuinely curious about someone’s rabbit holes, the conversation takes off. Here are some of my all-time favorites to throw into the mix:
- “What’s a talent you wish you had but don’t?”
- “If your life was a movie, what scene would you insist on keeping?”
- “What’s the weirdest thing you’ve Googled this week?”

You’d be shocked at how people light up when you dig into quirky territory. Wondering is contagious. Plus, it’s a lot more fun than groaning about Monday mornings.

Why Following Your Curiosity Doesn’t Always Look Like You’d Expect

Years ago, I met someone at a kayaking meetup just outside of Missoula. Picture this: me trying to look cool as I fumbled into a life vest while secretly hoping I wouldn’t capsize in front of total strangers. There was this guy named Liam—big laugh, bigger stories. When we got to talking, he wouldn’t stop gushing about this tiny off-the-grid town in Alaska where he’d spent a summer working as a fishing guide.

Now, my default response would’ve been polite nods and a vague, “Wow, sounds fun.” But I let curiosity take over. What was the weirdest thing about living there? How did he deal with the constant light in summer? Do people from the mainland think Alaskans are rugged superheroes?

Cue hours of stories about bobbing fishing boats, an encounter with a grizzly (he survived, obviously), and running through back alleys lit by northern lights. Even though things never turned romantic with Liam, that day inspired me to book my own solo trip to Alaska the following year. Did I meet someone there? Sure did. (Though it didn’t last, but that’s another article.)

Curiosity leads you to unexpected chapters. And not every one is about falling in love, but sometimes they’re the spark that changes life’s direction in ways you can’t plan for.

How Curiosity Builds Bridges Instead of Walls

One thing I’ve learned from working at my family’s resort: when you’re curious, you create connections where you didn’t expect them. I’ve spent years widening my comfort zone by talking with strangers who come to town—from urban photographers wanting to capture the lake’s dawn mist to retirees reminiscing about their first canoe trip. It’s wild how much you’ll learn when you ask someone what brought them here.

The same principle works wonders in relationships. Whether you’re with someone for two weeks or two decades, it’s easy to assume you’ve got them all figured out. But what if you haven’t? What if there’s more to know, more layers to peel back? You might ask your partner what’s lighting them up at work lately or what they’d want to do if they had a free weekend just for themselves. My dad and mom have been married for over three decades, and when I asked him their secret, he said: “We’re always curious about each other. She still surprises me.”

Say Yes More Often (Even If It Terrifies You)

Full confession: I hate improv. The idea of standing in front of people trying to be funny on cue makes me break out in hives. So when a friend from college signed me up for a beginner’s class last year (without asking first!), I was ready to back out faster than you can say “rule of three.” But out of sheer panic-fueled curiosity, I decided to stick it out.

Turns out, half of improv is built on saying “yes, and…”—accepting what’s thrown your way and building on it. One guy said he was starting a bucket hat factory; my job was to enthusiastically help him market it for bees who’d grown tired of the hive aesthetic. Ridiculous—but I laughed so hard I forgot how scared I was.

Dating works like that too. Say yes to that beach volleyball game, even if you can’t jump. Say yes to the concert lineup that’s only half your vibe. Say yes to spontaneous road trips that involve eating greasy gas station pizza on the hood of the car. Some of my favorite relationships—romantic or otherwise—started because I stopped overthinking and just quietly wondered, “What could this be?”

The Takeaway: Be an Explorer of People

Here’s the thing: dating (and life, really) shouldn’t feel like a checklist or a performance review. If you approach people like they’re puzzles to solve or tests to pass, you miss out on the magic of discovery. But if you keep a little room for questions, for surprises, for wondering what lies beneath the surface, everything, and I mean everything—gets a little more exciting.

So go ahead: ask the offbeat questions, embrace the unknowable parts of others, and explore your world like a kid who just found out there’s treasure at the end of the trail. The joy of being curious isn’t in knowing all the answers—it’s in uncovering the infinite ways we’re all just figuring it out as we go.