What’s in a Name? Depends on Who’s Asking 

The Introduction: The Name Game, It’s Personal 

We’ve all been there—a new romantic interest tilts their head mid-conversation and asks, “So… what does your name mean?” Cue the awkward pause (and a hasty Google search if you haven’t done your homework). In the realm of dating and relationships, something as simple as your name can say a lot—or at least spark some interesting conversations. Is it a door opener to deeper bonds? A clue about our personality? Or just something people mispronounce at Starbucks?

As someone whose parents put some serious thought into naming me, my name isn’t just a handful of letters—it’s a whole vibe. Ebony. Rich, dark, and smooth like the wood, or a vintage vinyl playing Nina Simone in the background. But growing up in Charleston, where Gullah culture was as much a part of my upbringing as sweetgrass baskets and shrimp and grits, I quickly understood the power in a name and how it shapes the way others see us—and the way we see ourselves.

Names Are Time Capsules… And Sometimes Icebreakers 

Names have been carrying stories long before we could send a text or swipe right. In every corner of the world, they’re markers of history, place, and lineage. In the Gullah Geechee traditions I grew up with, names weren’t just chosen; they were passed down like heirlooms. They carried the weight of ancestors, whispering bits of wisdom, strength, or even sass into the ears of a new generation.

But let me admit something: explaining all this on a first date can be… tricky. You don’t just open with, “Growing up, my grandparents taught me about the African origins of names and how mine is part of a bigger narrative about legacy!” That might fly in a museum tour but not over margaritas. So, instead, I’ve learned to play the game: when someone asks, I lean in with a confident smile and say, “Ebony. Like the magazine.”

Pop culture has a way of making names relatable. Think Beyoncé—just her name is a whole cultural phenomenon (and serves as proof that your name can totally headline a tour someday). People remember a name that pops. And in relationships, a memorable name is like a catchy lyric: it sticks.

Are New Nicknames the Love Language of Dating? 

Now, here’s where it gets fun: names evolve in relationships. Whether lovingly shortened into nicknames (don’t tell my college ex but “Ebs” still makes me smirk) or transformed into quirky pet names (someone once called me “Ebonylicious,” and no, that’s not coming back), these shifts say a lot about where you stand with someone.

Nicknames can be endearing—especially when they come naturally. They show a kind of ownership, a playful claim that’s part of building intimacy. But let’s set some ground rules, shall we? A cute nickname is earned, not assigned on Day One. You can’t skip the honeymoon phase of calling me my full name just because you want to get all cute and cavalier with an abbreviation. It’s the emotional equivalent of trying to meet someone’s parents after the second date.

The Mispronunciation Chronicles: Laugh Instead of Cry 

True story: I once had someone pronounce my name “Ebino.” I wish I were joking. Another time, someone casually called me “Ivory,” which felt both bold and profoundly off the mark. If you’ve ever gotten a coffee order for “Katie” when you’re clearly not a Katie, you feel my pain. Mispronunciations, while annoying, have become a secret litmus test for how invested someone really is in getting it right.

Here’s my rule of thumb: if they ask how to say your name properly and make an effort (even if they stumble and butcher it with a spectacular flair), that’s a green flag. But if they wave it off and say, “Do you mind if I just call you something else?” Major red flag. A name is a small thing to respect, and how someone handles it early on can foreshadow their attitude about giving effort to the relationship as a whole.

Plus, correcting someone isn’t just about accuracy—it’s about standing in the fullness of who you are. Whether your name is sleek and simple or bold and multi-syllabic, it deserves its spotlight. Own it like Rihanna owning a red carpet. Yes, even if it comes with some cringe moments.

You’re More than Your Name—but It’s the Opening Line 

Our names introduce us before we can even speak. They carry weight, quirks, and (if you’re lucky like me) a story or two worth sharing. But here’s the thing: while our names might shape how people perceive us, they aren’t the whole story. That’s ours to write. Your humor, passions, and that really weird fact you once memorized about Celine Dion—those are the things that round out your identity. Your name? That’s just the cover page, not the whole book.

So, whether you’re an Ebony like me (hey, fam!), a Taylor, or a StarraLynne (yes, I’ve met one), know this: your name has power, but your presence is what makes it unforgettable.

Practical Takeaways on Using Names with Care in Relationships 

If you’re wondering how to better appreciate the names in your relationships—or even how to approach someone new without resorting to “Um, hey you”—here are a few strategies: 

  1. Ask and Acknowledge: If you’re unsure about someone’s name, ask directly and respectfully. A little effort goes a long way. 
  2. Avoid Lazy Abbreviations: Don’t rush into shortening someone’s name unless they’ve invited you to. It’s not just a name—it’s a boundary. Honor it. 
  3. Use It Often: Saying someone’s name in conversation shows genuine interest. Plus, it’s scientifically proven to boost connection. 
  4. Find the Backstory: If they’re open to sharing, dig deeper into the meaning or origin of their name—it could reveal something amazing about who they are. 
  5. Respect Corrective Cues: If they tell you how to pronounce it, adjust accordingly. No jokes, no gaslighting—just listen and pivot. 

The Takeaway: Own Your Name, But Let It Evolve 

Here’s the secret sauce to the name game: it shouldn’t confine you but rather connect you. Whether they get your name right on the first try or fumble but pick themselves back up with a genuine smile, the effort someone makes to appreciate this seemingly small detail speaks volumes. And if they stick around long enough to earn a cute nickname for you? Even better.

So, let’s give names the credit they’re due. Whether a conversation starter, an ongoing evolution, or a badge of our roots, they deserve their place in the relationship journey. And remember—your name is way more than something to correct on a coffee cup (although that’s important, too). Whether whispered, shouted (hey, we’re all adults here), or written down, it’s a love story all on its own. 

And now, don’t mind me—I’m off to practice saying difficult names with the enthusiasm they deserve.