Curiosity killed the cat, or so the old saying goes—but let me tell you, it also brought a lot of life to my relationships. Growing up in a bakery in Hialeah meant my days were fueled by pastelitos, strong Cuban coffee, and constant conversation. Customers would spill the dramas of their lives while waiting for fresh bread, and my parents always took the time to ask one simple question: “¿Y cómo va eso?” (“And how’s that going?”).

Their curiosity wasn’t nosiness—it was connection, and it taught me that asking questions, leaning into unfamiliar stories, and embracing the unexpected can lead to the sweetest surprises. Whether you’re exploring a new relationship or strengthening an old one, curiosity is your secret ingredient. Here’s how it’s shaped my world (and how it can reshape yours, too).

1. Curiosity Isn’t Cute, It’s Essential

Let’s get something straight: being curious isn’t about batting your eyelashes and asking, “So, what do you do for fun?” It’s about wanting to genuinely understand what makes someone tick. It’s about leaning in when they geek out about their favorite obscure podcast or that time they backpacked through Peru.

Studies have shown that curiosity fuels intimacy. (Don't worry, I won’t hit you with a chart—you can keep scrolling.) When you express interest in someone’s thoughts or experiences, you’re essentially saying, “I see you, and I want to see more.” Asking the right questions builds trust. Answering them deepens it.

For example, on a first date in college, I once asked, “If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?” Simple. Fun. Great insight into their soul’s priorities. (Their answer: tacos, which I respected deeply.) That question sparked a two-hour deep dive into family traditions, childhood pranks, and why they preferred flour over corn tortillas. By dessert, it wasn’t just small talk; it was a connection I remembered long after.

2. Channel Your Inner Novela Villain

Cuban families—and our beloved telenovelas—taught me that curiosity should be dramatic. Think of the conniving yet glamorous matriarch on La Reina del Sur, raising a perfectly sculpted brow and leaning forward with suspense: “¿Y qué pasó después?” (“And what happened next?”). That’s the energy you want to bring into your questions.

You don’t need to turn every conversation into high drama, but the spirit of “Tell me everything!” is transformative. Ask open-ended questions that take someone in unexpected directions:
- “What’s the wildest story your family tells at holidays?”
- “If you had a year to do anything, no strings attached, what would you try?”
- “What’s a weird fact everyone should know about you?”

The key here is to recommend, don’t interrogate. Asking doesn’t mean grilling someone like it’s the last five minutes of Law & Order: SVU. It’s about playful curiosity, opening a door, and not being afraid to see where it leads.

3. Embrace Awkward Surprises

Curiosity comes with risk—plain and simple. The more questions you ask, the likelier you are to end up somewhere slightly awkward, hilarious, or downright bizarre. But that’s not a bad thing. In fact, those moments are where the magic happens.

Take the time I was on a second date at—of all places—a paint-and-sip workshop in a South Florida strip mall. (I let my Instagram algorithm talk me into that one.) Midway through painting a bowl of sad-looking oranges, I casually asked, “If you painted something entirely abstract, what would it represent?”

Their response? “Steamed vegetables. The concept, not the actual food.”

Honestly? At first, I had no idea what to do with that answer. But I didn’t retreat—I stayed curious. It led to a hysterical conversation about bad childhood dinners, the weird generational obsession with Brussels sprouts, and surprisingly, some heartfelt stories about resilience during hard times. That’s the thing: When you’re open to surprises, you might end up learning something wonderfully unexpected—or just laughing over how bad your watercolor painting turned out.

4. Curiosity Works Both Ways

Here’s a subtle truth about curiosity that never gets enough fanfare: It’s a two-way street. Most people love when someone shows genuine interest in their lives—it makes you feel seen and valued. But don’t forget to give the same in return. When your date asks you a question, be curious in your response. Instead of offering a “safe” answer, lean into what excites you or makes your story uniquely yours.

When someone once asked me what my favorite childhood memory was, I could’ve just mentioned family dinners. Instead, I went all in, describing 10-year-old me standing on a milk crate behind the bakery counter, proudly rolling my first batch of croquetas for our church’s charity picnic. Sure, the story didn’t end there (spoiler: I burned the first batch), but I lit up talking about a memory so rooted in my family, culture, and love for food. Sharing authentically invites others to be genuinely curious about you—and that’s where connection thrives.

5. Staying Curious in Long-Term Relationships

It’s easy to think that once you’ve been with someone long enough, there’s nothing left to uncover. Think again. Have you ever casually uncovered that your partner is weirdly good at trivia or secretly harbors dreams of running a food truck? No matter how much time you’ve spent with someone, curiosity is the fuel for continued growth.

When my abuelos celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary, I asked abuela, “What surprised you most about abuelo after all these years?” Without skipping a beat, she said, “For a man who complains about dancing, the minute I cancel the salsa plans, he throws on Celia Cruz. Explain that!”

That simple question sparked a night of hilarious—and occasionally sappy—stories I had never heard before. Even after decades together, my grandparents still found joy in learning about each other's quirks. That’s the beauty of curiosity: it never expires.

Cultivating Curiosity in Your Relationships

So how can you spark curiosity today? Start with these tips:
- Practice “Why” Thinking: When you hear an opinion or story, ask yourself, “Why do they feel that way?” and then ask them.
- Lean Into “What If” Questions: Hypotheticals keep conversations playful and open-ended.
- Ask One More Question: When someone shares a little about their weekend, follow up: “Wait, what happened after that?”
- Be Brave: Even if your questions veer into awkward territory, trust that vulnerability builds connection.

Most importantly, stay curious about yourself. The more you explore what lights you up—whether it’s your dreams, pet peeves, or weirdly specific food preferences—the better equipped you’ll be to draw curiosity out of others.

Final Thoughts

Like a good croqueta, curiosity has a golden crust—playful questions, unexpected tangents—but its core is warm and fulfilling. Embracing curiosity isn’t always easy; sometimes, it requires stretching past comfort zones or admitting you don’t have all the answers. But life isn’t about having perfect conversations. It’s about discovering something new, even if it’s just why someone prefers steamed vegetables to any other metaphor.

So the next time you’re on a date, having coffee with your partner, or just chatting with a stranger at the bakery, don’t hold back. Ask questions, stay curious, and let those “unexpected places” redefine what connection means.

Who knows? You might just end up with a story good enough to share over pastelitos.