How Being Seen Changed Everything

I was 23 years old when I realized I had a bad habit of fading into the background. You know that girl at a party, lingering by the charcuterie board as if she’s considering a very serious future with the brie? That was me. I wasn’t shy exactly—more like quiet in a way that went unnoticed. Not mysterious. Not enigmatic. Just... conveniently ignorable.

Hollywood, where I grew up, isn’t kind to wallflowers. Everyone you meet has a presence—a personality designed to cut through the noise. Meanwhile, I was stuck in what felt like eternal character-actor mode, the best friend in my own story instead of the lead. I had a dream of being a writer, but saying it out loud felt as improbable as telling someone I wanted to be a magician.

Then, I met her. The person who saw me.

The Mentor I Didn’t Know I Needed

We should all be so lucky to have an Erika in our lives. I met Erika (not her real name—she’d scold me for using it) during an internship at a major film studio one summer. She was the first woman I’d ever seen wear a leather jacket to a boardroom, and something about her screamed “main character.” She was sharp, busy, and intimidatingly direct. Naturally, I kept my head down and tried not to bother her.

But she noticed me anyway. I think it started when she caught me scribbling notes in the margins of a script I was reading. She lurked behind me—like a total ninja—and then snatched it out of my hands, flipping through my comments. I wanted to vaporize on the spot. My notes weren’t profound. Just questions like, Would this dad really say “huzzah”?

“Actually,” Erika said, with a smirk that could’ve powered the city, “you have an eye for pacing. Ever thought about writing?”

And that one sentence—casually tossed my way in the middle of a dusty office—shifted something in me. I stammered something about maybe someday writing screenplays, but Erika just waved me off. “Not someday. Right now,” she said, as if it were that simple.

Here’s the thing: Erika wasn’t necessarily warm or overly nurturing. She was blunt, busy, and the human equivalent of a double shot of espresso. But she had vision—and for the first time, she saw something in me I couldn’t.

The Power of Being Seen

Let’s pause here and zoom out. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about connection—whether in dating, friendship, or working relationships—it’s that being seen is transformative. I mean really seen. Not the polite, cocktail-party version of you, but the messy, unsure you.

When someone catches a glimpse of your potential and doesn’t just admire it but calls it out—that’s potent stuff. It’s like someone handing you a mirror you didn’t know existed. Suddenly, you’re reminded of the you that can be, not just the you that is.

This isn’t reserved for heroes in a movie montage. The right mentor, friend, or even casual stranger can create seismic shifts with just a well-timed compliment or push in the right direction. The catch? You have to be open enough to hear it—and brave enough to try.

What Erika Taught Me About Potential

Over the next few months, Erika became my unofficial mentor. She would hand me projects that were, frankly, above my pay grade—scripts with gaping plot holes or scenes that needed rewriting. “You’ll screw it up, but that’s the point,” she’d say, already halfway out the door. Encouraging, right?

Her critiques were always direct but never cruel. “This dialogue feels like something out of a Lifetime movie,” she once told me, before dramatically collapsing onto a couch for emphasis. It was harsh, but fair—and I learned to love that about her. Honestly, I preferred it to the “You’re doing fine!” platitudes I’d grown immune to.

Under her tutelage, I started to feel... well, capable. For the first time, I wasn’t just waiting for my life to start; I was actually building it. And each time Erika pushed me—even when I flailed—I caught a glimpse of what she must have seen in me from the start.

Seeing the Potential in Others

So here’s the part where I flip the lesson back to you. If being seen can be this life-changing, imagine the power you have to do the same for others.

  • For friends and partners: Don’t stop at complimenting the surface stuff. Sure, it’s nice to be told you have great taste in flannel or that your playlist is fire, but people crave deeper validation. Instead of saying, “You’re funny,” try, “Your humor always makes hard days feel lighter.”

  • For co-workers or mentees: Be the person who advocates for someone even if they don’t quite see their own value yet. Maybe it’s passing along an opportunity or simply saying, “You’d be great at this.” Your words matter more than you think.

  • For strangers: Yes, even that barista you see every day has a story brewing (pun intended, sorry). A small moment of acknowledgment—“You always have such great energy”—can plant seeds you won’t ever witness bloom, but trust me, they’re blooming.

Every bold leap, every success, starts because someone dared to believe in someone else. Why not be that someone?

My Dating Epiphany (And Why It Matters Here)

Okay, so let’s tie this unexpected life lesson into the wacky world of dating. Because honestly? It tracks. We all want to be seen for who we are, not just the curated versions we show on first dates or Bumble profiles.

The best relationships—or at least the most promising ones—happen when someone takes the time to see you. Not your job title, or goofy collection of Funko Pops, or your “Really into hiking” bio line (we know it’s a lie). I’m talking about the you who burns cookies but eats them anyway. The you who secretly cries during insurance commercials. The you who shows up, flaws and all.

And the secret to finding someone who will see you like that? Practice doing the same. If I had a dime for the number of times I wrote someone off too quickly for being “not my type”... well, let’s just say I wouldn’t be adding almond milk to my coffee and pretending it’s to save money.

Take a chance on someone’s potential, the way Erika did for me. Sometimes, they’ll exceed your wildest expectations.

The Takeaway

Erika once told me I’d thank her when I was a big shot (spoiler: I haven’t quite hit “big shot” status yet, but Erika, if you’re reading this—thank you). If there’s one thing I carry from that summer, it’s this: Believe in people. Believe in yourself. And maybe—just maybe—be the kind of person who passes out metaphorical mirrors to folks who can’t yet see how bright they shine.

Go ahead. See people. Help them see themselves. And be prepared for a lifetime of mutually rewarding, soul-shaking connections.

Whether it’s in Hollywood or anywhere else, nothing feels better than being seen.