From the time I snuck a piece of my grandma’s homemade flan before dinner (a crime punishable by a week of scolding in Spanish) to the moment I stood in front of my college creative writing class, breath shaky, as I read aloud a story about love and loss, I’ve grappled with a truth many of us shy away from: learning to love yourself is hard. Like, trying-to-assemble-IKEA-furniture-without-the-instructions hard. But the rewards? They’re worth every confused, uncertain moment.

It wasn’t until I stumbled through failed relationships, moved away from home, and battled that gnawing little voice in my head whispering, “You’re just not enough,” that I fully began to understand the work it takes to face yourself—not like the polished version you show to the world, but the messy, imperfect, sometimes chaotic you. Spoiler alert: it’s an ongoing process. But as I sit here, cafecito in hand, the Miami humidity fogging up my glasses, my journey of self-acceptance still continues. Here’s what I’ve picked up along the way.

Stop Waiting for the “Right” Moment

I used to think I’d love myself “once I got it together.” You know, when I had the dream job, the six-pack abs, and could casually toss out references to Latin American poets without sounding like someone trying too hard at a dinner party. But waiting for that perfect moment to love yourself is like waiting for Pitbull to stop yelling “Dale!”—it’s just not going to happen.

It hit me one night in Chicago during my fellowship. I was scrolling through Instagram, feeding my imposter syndrome as I compared my actual life (freezing, broke, missing my mami’s arroz con pollo) to polished influencer snapshots of Parisian vacations and minimalist apartments. I was waiting for some magical signal that screamed, “Now you’re enough!” But here’s the plot twist: there isn’t one. The only way to start loving yourself is to stop waiting and start now, imperfections and all.

Shift Your Inner Narrator

Imagine the version of you that’s on an awkward first date. You knock over your drink, laugh nervously, and accidentally misquote a song lyric. Now, picture your best friend relaying that story—knowing them, they’d make it sound endearing, funny even. That’s the kind of inner narrator you need.

For most of my life, my inner narrator sounded like the combination of a strict tía and a high school gym teacher: blunt, critical, and absolutely no chill. “Why didn’t you finish that novel yet?” “No one’s gonna take you seriously if you don’t lose those quarantine pounds.” Sound familiar? It wasn’t until I realized how destructive this narrative was that I actively decided to change it.

Start small—next time you mess up, imagine how you’d talk to your best friend in the same situation. (Spoiler: your tone will probably be kinder.) Turn “I’m so stupid for sticking with that awful relationship” into “I learned a lot from that experience.” Change “I’ll never get it right” into “Practice makes progress.” Little shifts can lead to big transformations.

Reconnect With Your Younger Self

If you’ve ever seen an old home video of yourself as a kid—mismatched clothes, big dreams, full of confidence—you likely smiled. Why? Because that kid hadn’t yet learned to be overly critical of themselves. For me, that kid was the chubby 10-year-old in Miami who wore light-up sneakers way past their prime and was certain he’d grow up to marry J.Lo. (Let me dream!)

The thing about reconnecting with your younger self isn’t just about nostalgia; it’s about remembering the version of you that was pure potential, untainted by comparison or the weight of adult expectations. Try this: find an old photo of yourself as a kid and ask, “What would they think of me now?” Odds are, they’d be proud of how far you’ve come, even if you don’t see it yet.

This exercise reminded me to approach myself with patience and compassion. After all, we’re all just older versions of those wide-eyed kids, trying to figure it out one step at a time.

Set Boundaries, Even With That One Nosey Cousin

Every Cuban family—or really, every family—comes with that one nosy relative guaranteed to ask the world’s most invasive questions at every gathering: “When are you getting married?” “¿Y los niños para cuándo?” (When are the kids coming?) It’s like clockwork. For years, I’d smile tightly, make some joke, and stew in silent rage. But learning to love myself meant learning to put boundaries in place, even with family.

I started practicing saying “no” to things that didn’t align with my values and politely dodging questions that chipped away at my self-esteem. The funny thing about boundaries is they’re not just about keeping others in check; they’re about proving to yourself that your time, energy, and feelings are worth protecting.

Own Your Story

For the longest time, I hated having to explain that my career path was unconventional or that my family had made sacrifices to get to where we are. I wanted a seamless narrative, like the kind you see in rom-coms, where everything neatly unfolds in two hours. What I got was a patchwork of false starts, hard lessons, and surprising turns—that, as it turns out, makes for a much better story.

Owning your story doesn’t mean you flaunt all your secrets on a first date (rookie move); it means being unapologetic about where you’ve been and how it’s shaped who you are. I’m no longer embarrassed to tell people about the days when my abuela taught me to stir café con leche just right, or how my first published short story was inspired by a neighbor who played Celia Cruz records so loudly you could hear them three blocks away. Your story is uniquely yours. Wear it proudly.

Take Yourself Out (Literally)

If you’ve ever rolled your eyes at the concept of “dating yourself,” let me assure you: I have too. But after one particularly tough week of deadlines and minor heartbreaks, I grabbed my own hand (metaphorically) and took myself to a salsa night in downtown Chicago. For the first time, I wasn’t worrying about how I looked to others or whether I “fit in.” I danced terribly, sweated more than I’d like to admit, and left feeling unstoppable.

Whether it’s a solo date to your favorite café or splurging on a concert ticket just for you, these small acts reinforce the idea that you deserve joy—no validation required.

Embrace the Journey

Loving yourself isn’t something you check off a to-do list. It’s more like a lifelong playlist, constantly evolving, with some hits and plenty of skips. There are still days when I catch my reflection and think, “Really? That’s what we’re working with?” But then there are days when I remember how much I’ve grown—from the Miami kid raised on boleros and big dreams to the writer slowly, stubbornly learning to embrace himself.

Your journey will look different from mine. Yours might include therapy, journaling, forgiving past mistakes, or learning to salsa dance. Whatever it looks like, take it step by step. You’re not broken; you’re becoming.

Because at the end of the day, self-love isn’t about reaching some idyllic destination. It’s about getting comfortable in your own skin, imperfections and all, and saying, “This is who I am. And that’s enough.”