I used to think “finding your people” was something that just happened. Like stumbling upon the world’s coziest pair of socks in a thrift store bin—serendipitous, snug, and perfectly made for you. But life has a funny way of testing you, and as it turns out, building a community involves a little more than hope and coincidence. It takes intention, vulnerability, and a pinch of trial and error. Spoiler alert: there are a lot of proverbial socks out there that don’t fit.

If you’re feeling stuck when it comes to finding your crew, believe me, I’ve been there. Let’s unpack the journey to finding your people—complete with wins, wrong turns, and a few blisters along the way.


“Who Even Am I?”: The Role of Self-Discovery in Finding Community

Before I could find people who got me, I had to figure out who I even was. And let me tell you, that’s a lot harder than it sounds when you’re a people-pleaser who thinks your favorite hobby is “whatever everyone else is doing.”

For years, I floated between interests like someone selecting appetizers at a party: a sprinkle of mountain biking here, a nibble of trivia night there. But those vague interactions always felt like wearing an itchy sweater—sure, it looked fine, but I just wanted to rip it off the moment I got home. Why? Because the connections I made didn’t match who I really was. And if I’m honest, I didn’t know how to explain myself to people because I hadn’t taken the time to figure it out.

It wasn’t until I spent a spring solo-hiking the less-glamorous trails of Tahoe—think muddy paths and questionable campfire coffee—that I had this liberating realization: I’m allowed to like what I like, and I don’t need external validation to make it valid. For me, that meant leaning into my love of nature, storytelling, and campfire camaraderie. It also meant dropping the pressure to join a group just because it was convenient or cool.

Lesson one? Your journey to finding your people starts with getting to know yourself. It's the roadmap you’ll hand to others along the way.


The Myth of the Instant Soulmate

Raise your hand if you’ve ever fallen victim to the fantasy that your perfect friend group will just "click" in some magical, sitcom-like way. (As much as we’d all like to live a real-life version of Friends, coffee shop acoustics aren’t that forgiving, and I’m not clever enough to come up with one-liners on command.)

Here’s the truth: No one comes fully assembled with a “Best Friend Forever & Ever” membership badge pinned to their chest. Real community, like good chili, takes time to simmer and meld. I’ve made the mistake of assuming that if I didn’t feel an instant connection with someone, it was a “not meant to be” situation. But that’s not how relationships work—they rarely unfold under soft lighting with the perfect soundtrack.

For instance, one of my closest friendships started when a neighbor who dropped in to borrow snow chains flat-out told me they hated hiking. My first reaction? Horror. How could I possibly bond with someone who didn’t appreciate the natural beauty of a high-altitude trail? But in a twist of fate, they invited me to a game night the next week, and their self-deprecating sense of humor and casual sarcasm had me hooked. It turns out, you don’t need identical passions to connect—you just need shared respect and a willingness to embrace the differences.

So if your attempts at friendship initially feel lukewarm, leave the kettle on a bit longer. Connection often hides in unexpected places.


Finding Your People IRL (Yes, You Have to Leave the House)

If you’re anything like me, "out of your comfort zone" translates to choosing a new trail to hike or trying a plant-based burger. The idea of intentionally walking into a room of strangers to meet people? That feels about as natural to me as a grizzly bear doing a TikTok dance. But the hard truth is, community doesn’t form if you’re hiding behind your cabin walls or your metaphorical Netflix queue. You’re going to have to open yourself up (yes, to actual humans).

Start small. Here’s what worked for me:

1. Pay Attention to Recurring Themes

What activities, hobbies, or places keep popping up in conversations or recommendations? I’d heard whispers about a monthly outdoor film screening in Tahoe for years before I finally mustered the courage to go. Guess what? It was full of people whose eyes lit up at the same adventure documentaries that got me jazzed. Instant camaraderie.

2. Find Niche Events That Speak to YOU

Skip the generic mixers—head toward spaces where like-minded people are likely to gather. For me, that meant signing up for a weekend wilderness survival workshop. Turns out, nothing bonds people quite like learning how to build a shelter out of pine branches while swatting mosquitos the size of small birds.

3. Take the First Step (Even if You’re Awkward About It)

I’ve started conversations with strangers using questions like, “Hey, what’s that weird snack you’re eating?” and “Did I just see you wipe out on the sledding hill earlier?” Do I feel silly half the time? Absolutely. But more often than not, people want to connect and are relieved when someone else takes the lead. Besides, if someone’s judging your icebreaker, they’re probably not your people anyway.


When Things Don’t Click

Not every attempt to find your community will end in a montage-worthy win. That’s perfectly fine—it’s all part of the process. I once joined what was described as a “chill book club,” only to realize it was code for “hypercompetitive debate team in disguise.” As the group passionately argued about an author’s comma placement, I quietly slid my charcuterie plate to the edge of the table and bolted. No harm, no foul—they weren’t my vibe.

Here’s the kicker, though: every failed attempt at connection teaches you something about yourself. I learned that while I do love cheese boards, I crave conversational depth over intellectual sparring. Nothing wasted.


When You Know, You Know

Finding my people didn’t happen all at once. It was a slow build, moments of trial-and-error layered over years of putting myself out there. But now? Well, I know I’ve found my tribe when we huddle around a campfire and someone starts riffing on Bigfoot theories, or when we share an exhausted laugh after scrambling to save our kayaks from an unexpected windstorm.

Your people will feel like home—messy, imperfect, and utterly welcoming. They’ll have your back when life throws you its worst and celebrate with you when life hands you its best. It’s not a destination but an evolving tapestry that becomes richer over time.


Final Thoughts

If you’re still searching for your people, remember this: you’re not in this alone. The journey to finding community can feel a little like exploring one of Tahoe’s back trails—it’s winding, sometimes unmarked, and occasionally involves poison oak. But with each step, you sharpen your instincts, learn who you are, and inch closer to the people who make life brighter.

Trust the process. You’ll find your snug socks, your campfire confidants, your go-to adventurers. And when you do, it’ll be worth every awkward introduction and wrong turn. Keep going. Your people are out there.