Curiosity might have killed the cat, but it sure has done wonders for my love life. And no, I don’t mean in some exotic, candlelit-adventurous kind of way (although hey, never say never). I’m talking about how leaning into curiosity and letting your wonder guide the way can shift relationships and even change how you see yourself.

If you're skeptical, I get it. Curiosity sounds like the kind of thing your second-grade teacher tried to encourage when you touched a weird mushroom or asked why the ocean "never gets tired." But as adults… curiosity gets left on the shelf. We trade it in for routine, certainty, and the occasional spiral of overthinking. Yet, when we bring a little curiosity back into the mix—especially in our relationships—magic happens. It nudges us toward vulnerability, fresh perspectives, and discoveries we didn’t see coming.

So, let’s crack open the possibilities of being curious—and why embracing that mindset can flip the script in both your love life and your personal growth (without any accidental poisoning from weird mushrooms).

Why Curiosity is Your Relationship Superpower

Think about this: the last time you really connected with someone, was it because they gave you a perfectly polished answer about their five-year plan? Or because they showed a spark of something real—whether messy, funny, or surprising? Relationships thrive on getting to know the other person in layers, not just ticking off boxes of compatibility.

Being curious means asking questions not because you're nosy or trying to interrogate someone, but because you genuinely want to understand them. It's about trading, “What do you do for work?” for, “What’s something about your day-to-day that really lights you up?” or “What made you laugh so hard last week you cried?”

When I think back to my college days at UC Davis, it wasn’t my rush toward academics that helped me build relationships—it was curiosity. Specifically, the kind that made those late-night conversations stretch into hours over cheap diner coffee. Once, a classmate casually mentioned their “obsession” with beekeeping during an intro assignment. That one random detail turned into a series of spontaneous outings to community gardens, where we fed each other honeycomb straight off the hive and laughed over smoke-covered messes. Spoiler: we didn't end up dating, but that curiosity unraveled a world I never would’ve explored otherwise.

The Curiosity Compass

You can use curiosity as a compass in your relationships—mapping your way through the unfamiliar territory of someone else's world. Here’s how:

  1. Ask Better Questions
    Sure, it’s easy to go with the "safe" icebreakers, but curiosity asks us to be bold and dig deeper. Move beyond clichés like “What’s your favorite movie?” Instead, try:

    • “What’s the most random, good thing that’s happened to you recently?”
    • “If you had a time machine, what’s a day you’d go back to just to relive for fun?”

    Not only do these spark better answers, but they give you insight into how the person thinks—not to mention show them you care about what makes them unique.

  2. Be Curious About Their Weird
    Everyone has quirks, but those “quirks” are often the most human, hilarious, and endearing parts of who we are. Once, a date told me they periodically schedule “alone dates” to dress up and eat pancakes in character as their favorite childhood cartoon. Guess who now carries an embarrassing stash of "dress-up pancakes" photos after giving it a try myself? (Yup, this guy. Thanks, Doug from Reno.) Point is, curiosity lets us appreciate the oddities—and even invites us to share some of our own.

  3. Don’t Fear the Rabbit Hole
    The beauty of curiosity is that it’s rarely linear. One question might lead to an unexpected answer, which might spark a whole new topic. One time, I casually asked someone about their tattoos during a hiking date, and three hours later, we were swapping family stories at the top of a Sierra peak, relating in ways we'd never guessed. That’s the power of letting the conversation roam freely.

Curiosity Isn’t Just Reserved for Relationships

While curiosity can absolutely make your relationships more meaningful, it shouldn't stop there. It’s a tool to deepen your self-awareness, make everyday life more joyful, and invite a little wonder into the mundane.

I’ll let you in on a Lake Tahoe-grown secret: the best moments often start when you're not sure where they’re heading—and you're okay with leaning into that mystery. Being the son of lodge owners meant I was constantly meeting new people, whether it was the retired jazz musician teaching me how to whistle like their sax, or the art teacher building snow sculptures outside just for fun. None of those lessons were planned. They were born out of everyday curiosity colliding with opportunity.

That same openness carried into my adult life. When I started my job with the U.S. Forest Service, it wasn’t just research projects I got curious about. It was the people I worked with and the unassuming little details they introduced me to: traditional uses for plants, unfamiliar trail routes, even random (and sometimes questionable) campfire recipes. It made me realize how much life is out there waiting for you when you're willing to ask and explore instead of assuming you already know the answers.

Leaning Into Everyday Curiosity

Curiosity doesn’t always mean booking last-minute plane tickets or making big declarations. Sometimes, it’s getting small and specific:

  1. Try One New Thing a Week
    Whether it’s saying yes to a cooking class your friend suggested or simply taking a different walking route, change can spark inspiration—and might even shake up your usual patterns in relationships.

  2. Listen Longer Than You Speak
    Sounds simple, but it’s deceptively powerful. Instead of reflexively rushing to relate by sharing your own story, let someone’s words sit for a second. Sometimes, the second follow-up question is where the gold lies.

  3. Be Curious About Yourself
    Relationships—whether platonic, romantic, or otherwise—are shaped by how well you understand your own desires, fears, and willingness to grow. As cheesy as it sounds, flipping that same curiosity inward is transformative.

When You Follow Curiosity, It’ll Take You Places

Being curious isn’t about putting on a fake detective hat and trying to solve someone like a crossword puzzle. (Although bonus points if you actually own a detective hat—pull it out; curiosity is playful!) It’s about leaving room for surprise—surprise within yourself, within others, and within the situations life throws your way.

In relationships, curiosity can save you from boredom, break you out of predictability, and build a deeper connection based on real understanding. And in your day-to-day life? It can turn the ordinary into its own kind of adventure.

So, if you’re feeling stuck or uninspired, take this as your sign: Try getting curious. Ask that stranger at the bus stop what kind of book they’re reading. Let your next date's answer lead the conversation instead of your mental script. Heck, even Google something random and see where it takes you.

Because when you open yourself to the unknown, you open the door to connection—and a life that feels just a little bit brighter.