Have you ever noticed how the best moments in life often result from following the tiniest thread of curiosity? One day you're googling "how to make jollof rice" (because your aunt doesn’t trust you to get it right for Christmas dinner), and the next, you’re in a heated debate in the YouTube comment section with someone claiming Senegalese jollof reigns supreme. This is the joy of curiosity—it leads you down paths you never thought you'd walk, sometimes armed only with a wooden spoon and fragile confidence.
Let’s talk about curiosity: that spark that lives somewhere between “What if?” and “Why not?” It’s the thing that makes you strike up a conversation with the stranger at the bus stop, subscribe to a documentary series on mushroom foraging, or, in my case, buy a plane ticket to London after reading a Zadie Smith novel. Spoiler alert: none of these adventures turned into the chaos you see on reality TV, but they changed me in ways I didn’t expect. Here’s why embracing curiosity, both in life and in love, is one of the best decisions you’ll ever make.
Act One: The Flirtation of Curiosity
Curiosity, my friends, is the ultimate flirtatious energy. It’s playful, magnetic, and doesn’t require a five-year plan to kick off. Think of it like the first five minutes of a good first date—you’re excited, maybe a little nervous, but thrilled at the possibility of discovery.
When I first moved to New York from Lagos as a kid, I wasn’t curious—I was terrified. A place where people ate their rice with something called ketchup? I didn’t understand. But here’s the thing: curiosity turned survival into connection. It started with the smallest “what if?” when I offered my Nigerian lunch—jollof rice and dodo—to a kid in school whose PB&J sandwich looked suspiciously depressing. We got to talking, trading lunch items, and six years later, he’s still one of my closest friends. A small act of curiosity—sharing meals—became the foundation for a lifetime of friendship.
It’s the same in dating. Curiosity is what draws you across the metaphorical room, what pushes you to ask, “What’s the story behind your tattoo?” (and hope their answer isn’t “college spring break regret”). It’s not just icebreakers—it’s the foundation of connection.
Act Two: Risking the Why Not
Because I’m that person who can’t resist a good pop culture reference, allow me to present the rom-com hero we didn’t know we needed: Ted Lasso. Ted’s superpower isn’t that he knows everything—it’s that he leads with curiosity. He listens, asks questions, and operates with genuine interest in the people around him. And honestly, I think we could all use a little Ted Lasso energy in our lives.
I’ve seen curiosity unlock transformative moments time and again—not just in friendships or fleeting conversations but in the deeper, scarier moments of connection. I once dated someone I met at an Afrobeats-themed bookstore event (shoutout to the niche corners of Brooklyn). What started as “What book are you buying?” turned into an impromptu three-hour coffee conversation about music, migration, and the glory of Fela Kuti’s sax solos. Here’s the thing: nothing about that situation planned itself. It was messy, surprising, and completely unprompted. But those three hours left me buzzing, all because I dared to follow one “why not?”
Curiosity does come with risk. Maybe the person at that event thinks you’re weird for asking about their book stacks (in which case, dodge that bullet). But the alternative? A door slammed shut on what could’ve been something extraordinary. The pathway to the best connections—be it dating, friendship, or even career—is rarely pre-paved, and curiosity is the adventurous GPS that recalibrates your route in real time.
Act Three: Fueling Relationships with Curiosity
Here’s something no one tells you about long-term relationships: The spark doesn’t die because love fades; it often fizzles because curiosity takes a backseat. The same “How was your day?” routine gets old when there’s no fiery follow-up like “If you could replace your boss with any Marvel villain, who would it be and why?”
When my parents immigrated to the U.S., their marriage grew alongside the challenges they faced: new jobs, new kids (me and my siblings were professional chaos agents), new struggles, new joys. My dad, despite being the busiest man I know, always found ways to rekindle curiosity in their relationship. One Valentine’s Day, after more than twenty years of marriage, he asked my mom, “If we weren’t in Brooklyn, where would you want to be right now?” And just like that, I watched them toss out their usual dinner plans to spend the night plotting imaginary vacations they’d take one day. Curiosity isn’t restricted to the early “getting to know you” phase; it’s the lifeblood of connection.
Actionable Curiosity: How to Make It Work for You
Not sure how to dial up your curiosity in life or love? Start here:
1. Ask Better Questions
Yes, “How are you?” is polite, but it’s also painfully generic. Instead, ask open-ended questions that nudge deeper conversations. Try “What’s been the most surprising part of your week?” or even “What’s a random fact about yourself that people are surprised to learn?” Be playful. Be bold.
2. Ditch the Script
Curiosity thrives on improvisation. Not every situation needs a set plan. Let moments breathe, and don’t be afraid to pivot when something interesting arises. (God bless my MFA mentor who turned a casual workshop rant about jazz into a life lesson on adaptability.)
3. Stay Open to Rejection
Not every curious venture works out. Maybe the person you’re investing time in turns out to be more dry toast than warm croissant. That’s okay. Curiosity is about the journey, not the guarantee of success. Dust yourself off and stay curious for the next chapter.
4. Try New Contexts
Curiosity grows when you break out of routine. Take that salsa class, attend a poetry reading, or join that book club even if the genre feels out of your wheelhouse. These spaces create opportunities for serendipitous moments. Trust me—I went to that Afrobeats bookstore event out of boredom, and my life felt richer for it.
The Final Takeaway
Curiosity is one of the rare forces in life that doesn’t obey the rules—it refuses to be contained by age, schedule, or circumstance. In love, it’s the key to sustaining that initial spark. In life, it’s what makes growth feel less like a checklist and more like a beautiful, messy adventure.
So, go out and let curiosity lead you. Feed it, nurture it, follow it down completely random rabbit holes. Who knows? It might not only bring you closer to others but also to yourself—the most important connection of all.
