What Scares Me the Most (and Why I Do It Anyway)

There’s a moment right before you step into something scary that feels like standing in front of an open door on one of those Arizona summer afternoons. You know the type—searing heat swirling outside, air conditioning breezing behind you with an almost judgmental whisper: “Are you sure about this?” That’s what fear feels like to me: a sharp, blistering moment when the safe option tugs at your sleeve, begging you to turn back.

For me, that open-door moment shows up when I’m faced with vulnerability—especially emotional vulnerability. Whether it’s being honest about my feelings to someone I care about, admitting I need help, or taking the leap into something new without a perfect plan (a cardinal sin for us marketers!), I constantly wrestle with the fear of failure, rejection, or overexposure. But here’s the thing: I walk through that metaphorical door anyway. And honestly? It’s terrifying, exhilarating, and sometimes downright awkward.

Let me take you through the journey of why facing fears—especially when it comes to relationships—is worth it, even when your palms are sweaty and your brain is screaming, let’s not and say we did.

Why Vulnerability Feels Like the Emotional Equivalent of Hiking Camelback in August

There’s a reason we fear emotional vulnerability: it’s messy. Growing up in the tidy suburbs of Scottsdale, I was raised to value control, composure, and strategic choices. Vulnerability? It never got the memo. Vulnerability doesn’t show up in a pressed polo shirt or with a five-year plan. Instead, it bursts into the room with crumpled hair and your deepest insecurities hanging out like a poorly tucked shirttail.

Take relationships, for instance. Asking someone out or sharing how you feel isn’t just about the prospect of rejection—it’s about that looming, mortifying what if…? What if they don’t see you the way you see them? What if they laugh, ghost you, or, worst of all, give you that pitying, “Oh, that’s sweet” face? (You know the one.) Vulnerability feels like walking into a desert storm armed with only your cologne spritzer.

But you can’t build trust, love, or even genuine friendships without risk. Vulnerability is the price of admission to the connections we all crave. As someone who’s learned this the hard way, I’ve found that avoiding the messiness of vulnerability often leaves me lonelier than just diving in, heartstrings and all.

The Good News: Fear Isn’t the Enemy—Avoidance Is

Let me be clear: fear gets a bad rap. Fear, in its weirdly protective way, is trying to keep you safe. It’s the smoke alarm of the soul. Sure, it sometimes goes off when you burn toast, but occasionally, it’s saving you from real danger. For me, fear often kicks in before presenting something deeply personal—be it a tricky relationship conversation or writing a memoir chapter that gets uncomfortably honest.

But here’s where fear trips us up: it’s terrible at distinguishing a real threat (a mountain lion on your Sedona trail) from a challenge you’re capable of tackling (a vulnerable conversation). Avoiding fear is what keeps us stuck, not the fear itself. Every time I’ve let avoidance take the reins, I’ve wound up missing something important. Every meaningful growth spurt I’ve had in relationships, career, or self-worth kicked off because I looked fear straight in its metaphorical sweaty brow and muttered, “Bring it.”

How I’ve Learned to Face My Fears (Without Hyperventilating)

Confronting fear doesn’t mean becoming fearless (sorry, self-help books). It means learning to navigate it so you can move forward. Here’s what’s worked for me, and maybe it’ll resonate for you too.

  1. Name the Fear
    Half the battle is figuring out what’s really scaring you. Is it rejection? Judgment? Looking incompetent? Writing it down or saying it out loud often takes the wind out of fear’s sails. For example, I once panicked about professing my feelings to someone I’d been dating because my high school days of getting friend-zoned hard still echoed in my brain. Once I said, “I’m just afraid she won’t feel the same,” it was easier to see the situation for what it was—something I could handle, no matter the outcome.

  2. Start Small, Even Silly
    Vulnerability doesn’t have to start with a grand declaration. It can be as simple as telling a friend you need support or admitting you picked this year’s Valentine’s Day restaurant entirely based on Instagram aesthetic. Micro-doses of vulnerability help build the muscle so you’re ready for the bigger stuff when it matters.

  3. Laugh at Yourself
    Humor is one of the best tools fear has no defense against. Did I once accidentally overshare an awkward middle school crush story on a first date? Sure. Did the date politely change the subject? Uh-huh. Do I cringe thinking about it? Of course. But at some point, you have to laugh, let it go, and keep moving.

  4. Know Your 'Why'
    In marketing, every campaign needs a clear purpose. Vulnerability works the same way. What’s on the other side of this fear for you? A deeper connection with someone? A sense of personal growth you’ll be proud of? When I remind myself of that mountain view waiting on the other side, I’m more likely to trek upward, no matter how badly I’m sweating.

The Desert Blooms After the Risk

Here’s the honest truth about facing your fears: you won’t always walk away unscathed. Sometimes, you’ll stumble. You’ll say the wrong thing, misstep, or momentarily curse your life choices. Vulnerability, like hiking in the desert, involves the occasional cactus needle.

But here’s the flip side—you’ll also walk away with breathtaking vistas, richer experiences, and the kind of growth that feels impossible from the comfort of your metaphorical couch. Looking back, my greatest relationships, biggest career leaps, and most rewarding life decisions were all things that scared me to the core. And as someone who’s heckled fear pretty often, I can tell you this: it’s always worth it.

The next time fear whispers, “Maybe keep this one safe,” think about what you might miss if you do. Whether it’s asking for that first date, saying “I love you,” or just being honest about who you are, don’t let fear call the shots. As my dad used to say when we teed up for our weekly golf rounds, “You can’t sink a hole-in-one if you don’t first hit the ball.” (Trust me, I’ve tried not swinging—no accolades came.)

Final Thoughts: Why Owning Your Fear Is Sexy

Fear is human—it’s like that weird pecan pie from your extended family Thanksgiving: nobody loves it, but it’s always there. You don’t need to erase fear to live a full, joyful life. You just need to show up anyway.

If you take one thing from this article, let it be this: the best things in life—love, growth, authentic connection—are often found just past the point where you want to turn back. So step through that metaphorical door into the blazing heat, smile into the eye of the storm, and trust me on this: you’ll thank yourself when you see the view.