What I Stand For

When I was seven, my mother took me tide-pooling around La Jolla Shores at sunrise, armed with a bucket, a magnifying glass, and the irrepressible curiosity only a child can muster before Wi-Fi and school projects come into the picture. Crabs scuttled sideways like they were dodging tough questions, starfish clung to rocks like they had no exit strategy, and tiny translucent fish whipped around the pool as if late for a Taylor Swift meetup. Watching life unfold in that little microcosm—a world so alive yet so fragile—something clicked for me: every small thing matters. And not just in ecosystems.

This same realization about valuing what’s authentic and tender has guided every part of my life—from my relationships to my writing. As adults, we don’t exactly take magnifying glasses to people’s souls (mostly because it’d be weird on first dates), but we do have the chance—heck, the responsibility—to look deeper at everything we do, the people we connect with, and the choices we make.

So what do I stand for? I’d say it’s a cocktail of authenticity, vulnerability, and a commitment to real connection—with a splash of humor and a fruit garnish, naturally.

1. Show Up With Your Whole Self

No one has time for the “everything’s perfect” highlight reel anymore. We need more messy, less filtered-amaro-lit-perfection, both in relationships and our own personal lives. For a long time, I thought showing my whole self—including my collection of clunky surf wipeouts and my minor obsession with matching my stationery to my mood—was risky. I mean, who wants to see your weird, unpolished side? Turns out, a lot of people.

When I was 22, I had a summer crush so good I thought Nicholas Sparks was secretly penning the script. Until that crush said, on a beach date no less, within earshot of a seagull chorus: “You’re amazing, but honestly, you care too much about random stuff.” It stung. Random stuff? Hello? I cared about whether trash from beach bonfires might end up in the ocean. I wondered why he never called his sister. I wrote memos in my mind about how beach towels aren’t interchangeable with blankets (fight me). These weren’t random—they were me.

The moral? The right kind of connections appreciate you for the so-called “random stuff.” Bring your whole self, quirks and all. If someone doesn’t get it, it’s not you that’s the problem—it’s their inability to see outside of their own narrative.

  • Actionable Tip: When meeting new people or deepening relationships, don’t hide the personal quirks that make you, well, you. Whether it’s your love for cataloging mushroom species or your weirdly specific 1970s rom-com trivia, the right people will not only tolerate it, they’ll thrive on it.

2. Let People (and Yourself) Be Soft Without the Armor

Something about modern life—maybe Instagram, maybe superhero movies, maybe the fact that every third coffee shop calls their cups “grande” unironically—convinces us we need to project strength at all times. But here’s the thing: the toughest relationships, the ones that feel truly unshakeable, are built on softness, not toughness.

When my parents fought (very occasionally—thank you, coastal zen vibes), my dad would soothe arguments by bringing my mom a seashell from their favorite spot near Bird Rock. No clever apology speeches, no grand gestures, just a small, weather-smoothed token that whispered, “I care.” It worked because it was real, stripped of pride or ego.

Yet in dating? We’re so afraid of being seen as vulnerable. We hold onto the need to reply without too many extra emojis, or to perfect the “read, don’t reply immediately” texting tactic like it’s the damn Hunger Games. But relationships thrive when we let the armor slip. Whether it’s admitting how bad your day was instead of downplaying it or confessing you don’t really understand how NFTs work (seriously, who does?), dropping the façade gives permission for sincerity.

  • Actionable Tip: Practice being honest about how you feel, even when it’s tempting to play it cool. If you’re excited after a date, say so! If you’re upset, share it respectfully. It’s better to be clear and vulnerable than leave someone trying to decipher your cryptic half-smile for weeks.

3. Keep Curiosity Alive—Everything is Worth Exploring

Here’s an unpopular opinion: it’s less about finding “the one” and more about figuring out what captivates you. In the tide pools of life—whether it’s romantically or otherwise—you have a chance to explore connections for what they are, even if they’re small or fleeting. Ever noticed how some hermit crabs switch shells when their old home no longer fits? Not everything (or everyone) in your life is permanent. And that’s okay.

I once met a guy in Costa Rica while writing a piece on sustainable travel. He was a teacher-turned-river rafting guide, and while it quickly became clear that long-distance wasn’t in our cards (he hated texting, I considered it a love language), he left an impression. He taught me how to find the right-sized kayak paddle (it’s a math formula, apparently), and more importantly, how to soak in a moment for what it gives you, without needing it to last forever. That memory, short-lived but genuine, still drifts back when I’m trying to declutter my thoughts or figure out if someone in my life adds value.

  • Actionable Tip: Not every relationship—romantic, platonic, or professional—needs to have a five-year plan attached. Be open to exploring what the connection offers now, instead of fast-forwarding to the big “what-if” questions. Whether you’re on a first date or musing with a friend over cocktails, embrace the present moment fully.

4. Laugh More—Especially At Yourself

Can we take a minute to agree that dating—and love in general—is pretty hilarious in its absurdity? Attempting to split an edamame appetizer on a first date without looking ungraceful is embarrassingly relatable. So is pretend-nodding when someone talks about “their morning triathlon” when you, too, are already sweating from walking to the cafe.

Some of my best connections—friends, summer flings, even my relationships that never made it past date three—blossomed when I loosened up. Humor, especially a self-aware kind, is the glue that patches over awkward silences, first-date nerves, and the brutal realizations that your crush can’t parallel park to save their life.

Once on a surf outing with a guy in Hawai’i, I managed to lose both my balance and my bikini top in one tragic wave. It wasn’t just an oops moment—it was a “grab a sweater, this’ll haunt me forever” moment. The sheer humility of getting back up amidst peals of laughter (some from him, most from me) is probably why we ended up together for months afterward.

  • Actionable Tip: Laugh it off. When something awkward happens—tripping, spilling your coffee, or accidentally calling someone by your dog’s name—own it. Forget “play it cool”; play it real. Awkward is endearing, trust me.

5. The Big One: Roots and Wings

Much of my worldview is tethered to the ocean. Growing up near the surf taught me this: Let everything around you root you in who you truly are—values, boundaries, and beliefs—but let relationships inspire you to grow wings. Some people will seem like anchor points, grounded and steady, and others will feel like a gust of wind pushing you into open air. The person you’re becoming and the person deserving of connection should never feel caught between competing forces. A healthy relationship—and a fulfilling life—finds balance.

Final Thoughts

Whether it’s creating a life brimming with love or embracing self-discovery, remember: you are like one of those perfect tide pools, overflowing with life, complexity, and beauty. And if someone can’t be bothered to kneel down, take a proper look, and cherish that world? They’re not your people.

So, put down the defenses, laugh at every awkward stumble, and always, always choose moments and people that feel real. The rest will follow naturally—like waves meeting the shore, again and again.