What I Stand For
If you grew up on Nantucket like I did, you learn to respect the tides. They’re predictable yet untamable, setting their own schedule and shaping the world without apology. It’s not a bad metaphor for life—or for love, which has its own way of sweeping you off your feet and occasionally knocking you flat on your backside. Over the years, through stormy seas, clear horizons, and a fair amount of maritime metaphors (sorry, occupational hazard), I’ve come to understand the core principles that guide me, both in relationships and in writing about them. And much like a weathered ship’s log, I’ll share these with you—not to dictate your course, but to help you chart your own.
1. Drop Anchor in Authenticity
Let’s start with the non-negotiable: honesty. As a kid, working at my family’s inn taught me early on to embrace the quirks that made people—their mannerisms, their accents, their travel quirks. One guest might insist on six sugars in their coffee, another would collect seashells like treasure. It wasn’t about perfection; it was about presence. And figuring this out applies not just to hosting vacationers but to relationships, too.
Being authentic isn’t a buzzword; it’s the lifeline that keeps us tethered. Sure, the internet loves a good curated vibe (seriously, how many Nantucket sunscreens and cable-knit sweaters do influencers think I own?), but real relationships are built on substance. People can sense when you’re faking it—as obvious as a fish out of water, flapping around trying to seem interesting. Whether you’re looking for love or simply yourself, the key is to stop pretending.
Practical Tip:
Start by asking yourself simple yet revealing questions. If your perfect Saturday involves binging documentaries, wearing yesterday’s sweatpants, and eating an obscene amount of takeout, don’t feel the need to Photoshop that into a fictional version featuring rooftop yoga and artisan kombucha. Lead with your truth. You might not attract everyone, but you’ll attract the right ones.
2. Love Requires Local Knowledge
Before launching your rowboat into open waters, you need to know the lay of the land—or sea, in this case. Growing up on Nantucket was like living in a giant neighborhood watch program: everyone knew almost everything. (Think “Gilmore Girls,” but with more chowder.) You quickly learned the art of listening, observing, and adapting before you acted. “Don’t dive straight into the harbor,” my dad once told me, “without checking if the tide’s out.”
The same goes for relationships. Every connection is uncharted territory. Some people need time to open up; others will tell you their life story in line for coffee. Trying to force someone into a pre-determined narrative—your colleague’s perfectly-timed engagement story, say—is like expecting a dinghy to steer like a schooner. Lean in, learn them, and let the rhythm of the relationship unfold organically.
Practical Tip:
On your next date, skip the usual “What do you do for work?” rigmarole (translation: interrogation). Instead, ask something unexpected, playful, or revealing, like “What’s a food you could eat every day and never get sick of?” It’s disarming in the best way and invites a response that shows personality.
3. Storms Are Inevitable, So Pack for Them
As a boy, I once got caught in a sudden summer storm while exploring one of Nantucket’s hidden beaches. My childhood instinct? Panic. My dad’s advice? “Get low, wait it out, and don’t lose your head. Storms pass—they always do.”
Relationships have their own tempests: the arguments, the tough calls, the moments that test whether you’ve got the sea legs for this endeavor. The thing is, conflict isn’t failure—it’s a feature of the journey. The couples who really last aren’t the ones who never fight; they’re the ones who know how they fight and who’ve learned how to fight fair.
Practical Tip:
The next time an argument brews, avoid the shipwreck of blame (nothing sinks faster). Focus on using “I” statements instead of “you” accusations. Example? Swap “You never listen to me!” for “I feel unheard when you spend more time on your phone than talking to me.”
4. Laughter Is the Best Star Chart
Here’s an overlooked truth: humor is intimacy’s unsung hero. Growing up in a small inn, humor was our family’s currency. My dad once greeted a sour-faced guest with, “Welcome! You can leave your worries at the door, unless they’ve got a reservation too.” Ten minutes later? That once-grumpy guy was laughing over a second cup of coffee.
In relationships, laughter builds trust, connection, and absolute absurdity. It’s the glue that binds you—and, let’s be honest, it’s the easiest way to diffuse tension. (Nothing levels the playing field faster than laughing about how much kale you’re pretending to like in your salad.)
Practical Tip:
Next time things get awkward or heavy, try injecting humor with a shared inside joke or a silly observation. Even something as small as a goofy TikTok you saved just for them shows how much you see—and understand—their unique quirks.
5. Know When to Abandon Ship
Not every connection is worth the voyage, and that’s okay. One of the hardest lessons I learned living by the sea is that not every journey is meant to go the distance. Some vessels are too worn-down to survive the waves, and others are simply headed in a direction you just can’t—or shouldn’t—follow.
Whether it’s a budding fling or a long-term relationship past its expiration date, you’ll occasionally find yourself facing heartbreak. There’s no easy way to let go, but staying aboard a sinking ship often feels worse than saying goodbye. There’s courage in admitting when something isn’t working and trusting that the horizon holds something better.
Practical Tip:
Set boundaries, and don’t settle for half-measures. If someone isn’t meeting you halfway, love yourself enough to step away. When the time comes to part ways, be direct but kind. No one deserves to be ghosted, adrift on uncertainty.
6. Celebrate the Small Moments
In Nantucket, the sunsets don’t scream for attention—they creep up on you. One minute you’re walking the beach, and the next, hazy purples and fiery oranges are slathered across the sky like a watercolor painting. It’s breathtaking in its subtlety, and it reminds me that beauty often hides in the smaller things: leaky rowboats, lazy mornings, the particular way someone’s nose crinkles when they smile.
In love, we sometimes get so focused on the big milestones—anniversaries, moves, engagements—that we forget the joy in sharing a single chocolate bar on a Tuesday or finding your rhythm side-stepping each other while cooking. Those are the real treasures, the moments you’ll string together into a life story far richer than a highlight reel.
Practical Tip:
Each night before bed, think back on one small moment that made you smile that day. Share it with your partner if you can. Recalling the little joys does wonders for self-awareness and connection—even if that joy was just a good meme.
Navigating Relationships: I’ll Chart the Journey, You Sail the Ship
Ultimately, what I stand for is growth. The version of me that left for Harvard years ago didn’t yet know how to read the tides—not in love or life. Coming home to my roots, to that patient island rhythm, taught me that connections aren’t formed in a rush but rather in the steady, deliberate choices to show up, stay kind, and remain curious.
My promise (here on behalf of This Publication): I’m not here to define your voyage or tell you which ports to visit next. I’m here to keep your compass pointed toward authenticity, resilience, and laughter. Because love, like the sea itself, isn’t something we conquer. It’s something we learn to live with—messy and wild and full of meaning.
So go on, cast off. The horizon’s waiting. You’ve got this.
