Mirror, Mirror: A Cautionary Tale About Avoiding Reflective Surfaces
Self-love is a strange, slippery thing. If you’re anything like me, learning to love yourself didn’t miraculously occur after reading one motivational quote by Brené Brown. It wasn’t the product of a face mask-and-wine night, either (though I’m not knocking a good sheet mask). No, for a long time, self-love felt like trying to hug a cactus—painful and very impractical. But somewhere along the way, I discovered that embracing myself, flaws and all, was less about perfection and more about curiosity. Spoiler: it took years, a lot of overthinking, and, surprisingly, a trip to Arches National Park.
Let’s talk about how I got there—and how you can, too.
The Problem with Chasing Perfection
Growing up in a community with sky-high expectations (both literally and metaphorically—yes, I’m still a sucker for Wasatch Mountain analogies), I spent years measuring my self-worth against how close I could get to the ideal version of myself. And let me tell you, “ideal Caleb” was exhausting. He’d wake up every morning with an effortless hairstyle that belonged in a James Franco indie film, never missed a day at the gym, and said inspirationally clever things on cue.
Spoiler again: “ideal Caleb” could not exist alongside “actual Caleb.” The real me had cowlicks that defied physics, skipped a workout here and there in favor of watching “Parks and Recreation” reruns, and, in moments of high stress, used humor to deflect having any real feelings. In short? I was a human being, not someone’s curated Instagram feed. And yet, for years, I let the idea of perfection dictate my standards for success and social acceptance. (Side note: Have you ever tried to achieve six-pack abs while stress-eating Oreos? The betrayal is real.)
Turns out, perfection is an unattainable mirage. Once you realize that, self-love starts to feel less daunting.
The Breakthrough Moment(s)
Full disclosure: Nobody wakes up one day magically filled with self-love. For me, it wasn’t a single “lightbulb moment.” It was a series of reflections—some small, some earth-shaking—that chipped away at my self-doubt brick by brick.
Take Arches National Park, for example. Somewhere along the Devil’s Garden Trail, after huffing and puffing my way up a sandstone incline, I sat under one of those impossibly delicate formations of red rock. Nature has a way of flexing, doesn’t it? I stared at those arches—towering clusters of rock that had been battered by wind, rain, and time itself. To my surprise, instead of looking weathered, they looked... majestic. I wondered: why couldn’t I see myself that way too? Why was I chasing “perfect,” when scars and flaws are the things that make us feel real?
Insert epiphany: loving yourself isn’t about removing imperfections. It’s about learning to honor what has shaped you. (If you’d been nearby, you’d have heard me whisper to myself: “Okay, Caleb. That’s deep.”)
The “Self-Love Starter Pack”
Not everyone can take off into the desert to have a spiritual awakening, so let me break this down into actionable steps—things that helped me move the needle toward self-acceptance.
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Rewrite the Script
Take a moment to identify the internal critic in your mind. Mine had a voice like a bitter drama teacher, always saying things like, “This is a disaster.” The next time you catch yours talking, pause and check its credentials. Would you let someone else talk about your best friend that way? No? Then why let your inner monologue trash talk you? Start replacing judgments with curiosity; for instance, instead of “Ugh, you’re so awkward,” try “Why do I feel this way—what’s really going on right now?” -
Make Time for Joy
Picture this: a giant homemade cookie that’s still gooey in the middle. That’s joy. It’s messy, imperfect, but utterly satisfying. Whatever gives you that cookie-like bliss—singing off-key in the shower, working on a jigsaw puzzle, watching nature documentaries narrated by David Attenborough—do more of it. Joy breeds confidence, and confidence has a funny way of quieting self-doubt. -
Surround Yourself with the Real Ones
I used to think self-love was something you had to earn on your own, like a Girl Scout badge. But here’s the catch: the people closest to you play a massive role in shaping how you see yourself. My best friend once told me: “You’re Caleb Freaking Peterson. You’re sunshine in a person.” It was overly dramatic, yes, but the sentiment stuck. Surround yourself with the people who see the golden parts of you—and take their words seriously. -
Celebrate the Small Wins
Did you make your bed today? Fantastic. Did you finally tackle that awkward phone call you were avoiding? Cue the applause. Self-love grows through small, consistent victories. Nobody’s expecting you to scale Mount Everest on the first try. Let yourself feel proud of the everyday moments of progress. -
Stop Looking for Outdated Validation
At one point, I spent an embarrassing amount of energy trying to win approval from ghostly phantoms of the past: middle school frenemies, that one ex who claimed I was “too emotional,” and even the idea of what 20-year-old Caleb thought he’d have accomplished by now. But there’s something freeing about realizing those opinions don’t matter anymore. It’s like de-friending that one guy on Facebook who only posts passive-aggressive political memes. Let go—for your own peace of mind.
Self-Love in Practice: The Real Work
Even with all this, nothing I’ve shared here works overnight. I still have days when my self-esteem takes a nosedive or I find myself muttering under my breath in frustration. (Exhibit A: when the only thing in my fridge is ketchup and half a lemon. Exhibit B: that time I somehow got ghosted—by someone I wasn’t even dating.)
The trick is recognizing that self-love doesn’t mean you’ll never feel insecure again. It just means you’ll approach those feelings differently—with patience, humor, and a dash of resilience. Think of self-love as being the cool middle school principal in your emotional life. The one who says, “Hey, you’re doing fine,” and occasionally hands out free pizza.
Moving from “To-Do” to “To Be”
What’s helped me the most—beyond the philosophical trail-hikes and pep talks—is shifting from a mindset of "fixing" myself to simply learning to coexist with myself. Think about it: you are the one person you’ll wake up with every single day for the rest of your life. So, if you’re going to share that much space together, why not get comfortable?
Here’s your big takeaway: self-love doesn’t always look like an epic triumph. More often, it’s a quiet moment in the morning when you catch your reflection in the bathroom mirror and feel something softer than criticism. Something that whispers, "Hey, you’re okay.” Like any good relationship, it takes time and effort, but it’s worth every single awkward, imperfect step.
And if all else fails, there’s always the emergency cookie solution. Trust me on that one.
