Growing up in the heart of northeast D.C., I was no stranger to hand-me-downs and humble beginnings. My parents, fresh from Kingston, Jamaica, ran on grit and determination. My dad's calloused hands built houses for people who had no idea who he was, while my mom spent countless nights soothing people’s pains as a nurse before coming home to cook rice and peas for us. Suffice it to say, they had little time to wax poetic about “manifesting” my life’s dreams. Their lessons were simple: work hard, stay rooted, and never forget where you come from.
Fast forward a few decades, and here I am—a reflection of those roots, navigating connections, and trying to help people enhance their love lives. I’m telling you this not to rattle off some Hallmark-movie morality but because I know what it feels like to start at zero, whether you’re building a career, a new relationship, or even just yourself. The transformation from ordinary beginnings to an extraordinary outcome may not be easy, but it’s absolutely possible. Let’s talk about how.
When All You've Got is the Family Sofa
Picture this: sophomore year at Georgetown, and I’m at an off-campus party. Someone (likely named Chad because, of course) asks me where I’m from. When I mention D.C., he’s quick to say, "Oh, like Dupont Circle?" Nah, Chad. Not Dupont. Think Trinidad Avenue—with corner stores, steel drum cookouts, and where the “hustle” is a lifestyle, not just an Instagram hashtag.
Starting somewhere unassuming, whether it’s a humble neighborhood or a rocky Patch Adams of early dating experiences, can feel like a disadvantage. In love and life, we tend to undervalue the scrappy beginnings that shape us. If you grew up in a world of mismatched furniture and no-sleep grind, guess what? You’ve already got the skills most people need in relationships: resilience, adaptability, and the ability to make something out of nothing.
The point is this: No matter where you begin, your foundation is your secret weapon. Keep it authentic to you, and then let’s move forward.
Level Up: When Ordinary Becomes the Blueprint
Look, glow-ups don’t just happen—you work for them. You curate, you experiment, and you refine. Whether it’s transforming your self-image or rethinking your approach to relationships, the process is the same: small, intentional shifts. Let me give you three practical principles that helped me turn the family-sofa energy of my roots into the swag of someone who now gets paid to write about relationships:
1. Own Your Ordinary (And Add a Twist)
If there’s one thing I learned dodging Capitol Hill interns in Starbucks lines, it’s that nobody connects with “perfect.” They connect with you. So, stop hiding your quirks. Whether you’ve had zero serious relationships or more “it’s complicated” situations than Facebook’s relationship status options, own your story. If it works, it works. If it’s awkward, great—own that too!
You like discussing foreign policy but still cry during reruns of The Office? That’s your lane. Shine in it. As someone who grew up balancing my parents’ reggae playlists with Georgetown porch debates about D.C. zoning laws, I know what it’s like to live between two worlds. Guess what? The in-betweenness made me interesting—and you’ve got your own complexity too. Build on it.
2. Put in “Ordinary” Reps
Transformation is about consistent effort. No one wakes up with extraordinary skills in listening, empathy, or mutual appreciation in relationships. My dad used to say, “Every project starts with calluses.” He wasn’t wrong. For me, winning a scholarship for college began with hours of proofreading essays for older kids in my neighborhood. By the time I sat down to write my own, I’d practiced on everyone else’s.
With relationships, effort is similarly transferable. Take small, seemingly “ordinary” moments—like remembering someone’s favorite coffee order or showing interest in their creative project. Layer those acts of effort consistently, and watch your small gestures blossom into deeper connections.
3. Learn How to Pivot
Every “no” or failed connection is just another redirection. Freshly graduated, I bombed job applications left and right. One rejection stung so much I sat sulking outside a T.J.Maxx for two hours, drafting angry emails I’d never send. Guess what? Each failure taught me how to refine my pitch. And eventually, one “yes” made all the difference.
Losing in love can teach you something similar. Someone ghosted you? Reflect on it—maybe they weren’t the storybook fit you thought. Awkward first date straight out of a bad rom-com? Use it as a stepping stone for humor and insight. Pain is part of life; make it part of your playbook, not your residence.
Why You’ve Already Got What It Takes
When I think about extraordinary people in my life—and relationships—they’ve rarely been polished perfection. Instead, they’ve shown up radiating effort, commitment, and curiosity. The construction worker who came home and read poetry to his kids (my dad). The nurse who taught us resilience in crisis (my mom). And in the realm of love, there’s nothing more extraordinary than showing up as your imperfect self and giving someone else the chance to do the same.
Being extraordinary isn’t about trying to be something you’re not. It’s about recognizing the beauty in who you already are. Take lessons from the roots you’ve grown from, use every triumph or failure as a stepping stone, and bring all those layers into your relationships.
From Ordinary Beginnings to Extraordinary Outcomes—Your Story Awaits
No one’s asking you to turn into a superhero overnight. If you’re starting from the family sofa or your own personal version of it, know this: You’ve already got the raw material for greatness. Leveling up in love—or life—starts with recognizing that extraordinary outcomes are built on ordinary moments.
So, let that quirky detail about you shine, stack those ordinary reps, and pivot with purpose when life throws curveballs. Before you know it, you’re not just writing your story—you’re building a foundation for someone else to walk beside you in it. And if today feels far from destiny-shaping, don’t sweat it. Every epic transformation starts somewhere. Yours? It’s just getting started.
