Some of the best stories start in the most unassuming places. For me, it was the backseat of my parents' old Subaru, crammed between canvas grocery bags and a reusable water bottle that leaked if you looked at it wrong. Somewhere along a winding trail in the Rockies, I learned that life is less about grandeur and more about the details—the steady rhythm of a hiking boot, the way sunlight dances on pine needles, the unspoken camaraderie of sharing trail mix. I didn’t know it then, but those lessons were the foundation for everything—relationships included.

You see, from those humble beginnings of potlucks and hand-me-down fleece jackets to where I stand now as a writer navigating the intricacies of modern relationships, the journey has been, dare I say, extraordinary. But not in the Netflix-original-movie kind of way. My "extraordinary" is subtler, like finding the perfect avocado at the farmer's market or realizing your favorite indie band is playing a tiny venue near you. And relationships? They thrive in the same low-key magic.

If you’re here wondering how to elevate your connections, let’s walk this trail together. I’m not promising shortcuts or magic cures, but I’ve got a few tried-and-true secrets for making the ordinary extraordinary—one step at a time.

TREKKING THROUGH THE EARLY TRAILS

Let’s call the early stages of getting to know someone the “trailhead.” It’s that moment you stand at a map kiosk, brimming with anticipation but also mildly terrified an elk might wander into your path. This is where curiosity is your North Star.

Be an Explorer, Not a Tour Guide.
Too often, we default to pre-planned scripts in conversation. “What do you do for work? What’s your favorite color?” It’s polite, sure, but also about as electric as a solar-powered flashlight on its last spark. Instead, embrace curiosity: “What’s something small that made your day better recently?” or “If your life were narrated like a National Geographic documentary, what moment would you want included?”

By asking meaningful and slightly unexpected questions, you create space for connection that feels spontaneous and real. These questions don’t just skim the surface; they dig into the rare moments that make life rich. After all, it’s not about reaching the summit just yet—it’s about being present for the journey.

SAVORING THE MIDWAY VIEWS

Picture this: you’re halfway up the trail, and there’s a breathtaking view. These are the moments when relationships get deliciously real—where you can see how far you’ve come but know there’s still a lot left to discover.

This middle stretch? It’s where people naturally start to relax and share their deeper selves. Here's where you can be proactive:

Celebrate Their “Quirks,” Not Just Their Persona.
When I was first dating my now-partner, the thing that stood out wasn’t the curated cool of their Spotify playlists or the perfectly composed Instagram snapshots. It was the way they sang to our plants when repotting them—a mix of folk ballads and nonsense syllables. That was when I realized I wasn’t just dating a person; I was engaging with a whole ecosystem of quirks, preferences, and oddly specific rituals.

Encourage this authenticity in your relationships, too. Share your quirks—yes, even the unflattering ones. (Like how I’ll painstakingly rearrange hiking snacks into perfect order "just in case" of bears.) Vulnerability isn’t a weakness; it’s an invitation. You don’t need to rehearse charm when you’re actively celebrating the raw, messy wonder that makes someone uniquely them.

TACKLING THE TOUGH ASCENTS

We’d be lying if we said every part of connection is breezy or Instagram-perfect. Some stretches are unglamorous—rocky trails, uneven footing, the kind of uphill grind that leaves you questioning every life decision that led you here.

But here’s the thing: these challenges are where growth happens. Relationships aren’t built on sunsets and good vibes alone; they’re molded in the moments when you’re winded, weary, and—let’s be honest—a little irritable.

Conflict? Think Campfire, Not Wildfire.
Growing up in Boulder, the rule of campfires was sacred: never leave it unattended, and don’t let it rage out of control. The same goes for disagreements in relationships. A little tension is normal; what matters is how you handle it.

  • Pause before reacting. Breathe. Stretch out the metaphorical hammock in your mind before things spark.
  • Use "I" statements. Forget "You always do X." Instead, try: "I feel [emotion] when [situation]." See the difference? You share responsibility instead of pointing fingers.
  • Be a problem-solving duo. Approach challenges as teammates. For me, it took years (and one infamously bad camping trip where we forgot utensils) to learn that it’s not “me vs. you”; it’s “us vs. the problem.” Whether that's miscommunication or a literal raccoon stealing dinner, teamwork wins every time.

When you navigate conflict with care, you not only smooth the trail in front of you—you build trust capable of weathering future storms.

RETURNING AS TRANSFORMED EXPLORERS

Here’s what they don’t always tell you about extraordinary relationships: they don’t live in the grand gestures or Instagram-worthy milestones. They unfold in the ordinary moments—the Tuesday night dinners when your partner saves you from burning toast, the way their laugh echoes during game night, how their text saying “good luck today” shows up exactly when you need it.

Foster Micro-Moments of Connection.
Too often, we wait for anniversaries or candlelit dinners to show our care. But what if we flipped the script and made every day extraordinary? A few ways to start:

  • Mini adventures. Take a break from “Netflix and chill.” Explore a farmer’s market together, tackle a new recipe, or make up a goofy challenge like tasting every offbeat kombucha flavor you can find.
  • Appreciation, unprompted. Don’t wait for Valentine’s Day to give compliments. A well-timed “You inspire me” on a random Wednesday morning can carry more weight than a cliché bouquet ever will.
  • Shared mindfulness. Boulder taught me the value of slowing down. Share quiet moments—whether that’s watching the stars, leaving your phones behind, or literally lying in the grass together. The world resumes spinning soon enough.

READY TO HIKE YOUR OWN TRAIL?

At the end of the day, relationships—like the best hikes—aren’t about perfection. They’re about finding joy in the little things: the way rain smells on dirt-trails-turned-mud, the warmth of someone’s hand when the wind picks up, the imperfect but unforgettable view you get when you’re too exhausted to move another inch.

From my own trail-tested heart, here’s the truth: every connection starts as ordinary. It’s the act of showing up, of choosing curiosity, kindness, and playfulness, that turns it into something extraordinary. And trust me, you’ve got this. Whether you’re just stepping onto the trailhead or deep in the middle of an ascent you didn’t think you’d make, take it one step at a time. With a little intention (and maybe some trail mix), this journey is yours to savor.