I once went undercover as a male model. Not for a legitimate career in high fashion (you’ll know why after a single glance at my deeply un-chiseled jawline), but to infiltrate the world of high-pressure romance workshops hidden in Utah County basements. At its peak absurdity, this adventure saw me fake confidence in a tank top that screamed “unemployed ski instructor,” holding yoga poses with names like "Heart-Opening Warrior,” and exchanging cringeworthy eye contact with a guy named Todd who mansplained chakras. The lengths I’ll go for a story? Questionable. But the lessons? Oh, they’re gold. Let’s dive in.

The Set-Up: Building the Backstory

It started innocently enough—just your average Tuesday morning scroll through an inbox filled with too many chain emails about 20%-off hiking boots and one simple invitation. A relationship coach-slash-wannabe philosopher in Provo was hosting an "exclusive, immersive workshop" on unlocking your "vibrational alignment to find higher-level love." Curious and admittedly bored, I RSVP’d under a fake name—Bryce Holloway, because of course Bryce sounds like the kind of guy who intuitively knows his vibrational alignment.

Fast forward one week, and I’m slapping on a pair of outdated Vans (authentically scruffy), layering cologne like I’ve got something to prove, and mouthing self-affirmations because I didn’t want to blow my cover. One thing was clear: I couldn’t walk into this without committing. These folks could sniff out self-doubt like a bloodhound on a bacon trail.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, yes—this counts as my "weirdest thing done for a story." But before you judge, remember that investigative journalists have gone into war zones. I, too, have faced danger. Believe me, there’s a thin line between flirting and full-blown emotional combat once you’ve unlocked a stranger’s “divine yearning through mindful touch exercises.”

The First Hurdle: Escaping the “Bro Bubble”

The workshop began with the male attendees corralled into a circle and awkwardly nodding at each other. Now, my LDS upbringing prepared me for a lot: potluck dinners, early-morning seminary, and even the psychological Olympics that are multilevel marketing pitches. But the vibes in this room? They were uncharted territory. It felt like a mashup of speed dating and a spiritual TED Talk.

Our leader, a clean-shaven man dressed like he was auditioning for a Lululemon ad, introduced himself as River (I cannot make this up) and invited us to “soften into your masculine energy.” What followed was 35 minutes of intentionally slowing my breathing while avoiding eye contact with Todd, who made it clear he’d achieved chakra Nirvana last Tuesday and wanted me to catch up on his timeline. One guy to my left kept asking the instructor if women could actually sense our "alpha vibrations.” My silence must have made me mysterious because people started nodding at my non-answers with respect.

Pro Tip: If you’re ever stuck in a situation where the societal pressure to speak is unbearable, just raise an eyebrow somewhere between skeptical and amused. People will project genius-level wisdom onto you.

Finding Love Through Jazz Squats (?)

If the men’s circle wasn’t enough, the activities transitioned to the main event: partnering with the women. I’ll give River credit for this—he made entering a room of strangers in bare feet feel like spiritual speed dating. Each woman introduced herself using a power word like “Radiant” or “Magnetic,” and I found myself paired with “Courageous Danielle.” She told me she was here to learn how to breathe through heartbreak and ran a surprisingly successful Etsy shop selling crocheted lizards.

The goal of our paired exercise? Mutual vulnerability. The actual itinerary? Twenty minutes of … coordinated jazz squats. Side note: if you’re ever squatting in unison with someone while holding intentional eye contact and humming low frequencies, you’ll either discover the raw intimacy humans are capable of—or entirely forget why you agreed to this in the first place. For me, it was the latter. At one point, Danielle whispered, “Doesn’t this feel like alignment?” And while my thighs burned, I said, “Totally,” because sometimes lying is a kindness.

Breaking Character

After a particularly harrowing game called “Mirror the Flame," where I mimicked another woman’s interpretive dance (it involved a lot of arm flapping), something unexpected happened. The absurdity of the day gave way to a realization. These weren’t just people desperate for love or validation. They were trying—so earnestly it made my chest ache—to connect. To be seen. To matter.

It reminded me of conversations I’d had as a teenager on long hikes with my dad, just after I’d told my family I wasn’t sure how active I wanted to be in the LDS Church anymore. Those talks were messy, vulnerable attempts to find common ground. And as much as I laugh about my misadventures now, that day taught me there’s something humbling about putting yourself out there. About risking rejection, embracing the awkward, and trying despite it all.

Did it lead to flannel-wearing, craft beer-sipping Caleb embracing alignment energy long-term? Honestly, no. But I left with an unexpected respect for people seeking connection, no matter how unconventional the route.

Lessons Learned (Without Squats, Promise)

Here’s what chasing that story really left me with—and, hopefully, something you can use on your journey toward love or self-discovery:

  • Stay Open to Weirdness: Sometimes, saying yes to experiences outside your comfort zone (like guided jazz squats) helps you understand others—and yourself—in surprising ways.

  • Don’t Fake it Forever: Pretending to be someone else for the sake of “fitting in” rarely works long-term (and honestly, I don’t recommend undercover modeling workshops). Authenticity beats alignment buzzwords any day.

  • Connection Is Messy: Whether it’s eye-gazing with a stranger named Todd or talking honestly with family, real bonds are built in moments where nothing is perfect—and that’s the beauty of it.

The Takeaway

Would I return to the workshop? No. Was it the weirdest thing I’ve ever done for a story? By a mile. But here’s the twist: even while I mocked the tank tops and side-eyes, part of me admired the bravery it takes to show up, open up, and hope something clicks. Whether it’s in love, community, or jazz-squat dynamics, connection demands risk. And maybe risking the ridiculous is part of what makes it worthwhile.

So here’s to the squats we didn’t want to do and the connections we keep chasing despite the occasional Todd in the room. You’ve got this.