Curiosity: The Underrated Superpower in Love and Life
They say curiosity killed the cat, but let’s talk about what it did for us humans: it sparked innovation, ignited romance, and built communities. Curiosity is the quiet engine that drives so many of life’s unexpected moments. It's the "what if" that led us to reinvent ourselves, explore new connections, and accidentally order the spiciest dish on the menu because we couldn’t resist asking the waiter for "something adventurous." It’s also the reason I once signed up for a pottery class, thinking I'd create masterpieces, only to walk away with a lopsided coffee mug and a surprisingly great story.
When it comes to relationships, curiosity often gets overlooked. We talk a lot about honesty, communication, and trust, but man, curiosity is the real MVP. It's that spark that makes the early stages of a relationship fun—when you’re eagerly discovering how they take their coffee (black, with a dusting of cinnamon) or their underwhelming high school sports career (benchwarmer, but with spirit). But curiosity doesn’t just thrive in new relationships; it’s a lifelong companion that keeps things fresh, from your first flirt to your golden anniversary.
Here’s the thing about curiosity: it opens doors. Sometimes those doors lead to unforgettable escapades; other times, they lead to mildly embarrassing stories you’ll tell at dinner parties. (Trust me, I have more of the latter than the former.) Either way, if you’re looking to deepen your connections—or just experience more joy in the unexpected—curiosity might just be your secret weapon.
When Curiosity Takes You Off-Road
I grew up in Scottsdale, where everything felt safe and predictable. The roads were smooth, the sunsets dazzling, and the community guard at the front gate knew us by name. But routine has a way of dusting over your edges. When life felt too polished, I’d head into the desert. My parents and I would hike craggy trails where the cactus blooms could knock the breath out of you with their unexpected beauty. And while I’d often start the trek irritated—who voluntarily walks uphill in 110-degree heat?!—I’d always come back lighter. That's the thing about curiosity: it makes hard work worthwhile.
Relationships are no different. Curiosity is what nudges you to step off the beaten path. Maybe it’s asking deeper questions on that third date instead of defaulting to your Netflix favorites, or saying yes to something you’ve never tried before—like tango lessons. (I ended up being terrible at the tango, but the laughter my then-girlfriend and I shared still stands as one of my favorite memories.)
Curiosity breathes life into the mundane. It’s not just about first kisses or whirlwind getaways; it’s about asking the everyday questions that help you see your partner in new, vivid ways—because few things are as magnetic as learning what lights up someone’s soul.
Five Ways to Bring Curiosity into Your Relationships
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Ask Them Something They’ve Never Been Asked Before:
Forget “what do you do for work?” Instead, ask, “If you could wake up tomorrow and master any skill instantly, what would it be?” It’s a small shift that can lead to revelations about dreams or quirks you didn’t expect. (Pro tip: their answer may inspire your next at-home date night idea—hello, impromptu guitar lessons!) -
Explore Something New Together:
There’s nothing like bonding over shared discomfort… I mean, adventure. Be curious together. Take a class, try paddleboarding, or explore a weird, too-small-to-be-on-the-map ghost town. Even if your “adventure” ends with one of you soaking wet and the other looking up tutorials on how to fix flat tires, the shared experience builds connection. -
Dive into Their World:
Show genuine interest in what your partner loves, even if it seems (at first glance) completely outside your wheelhouse. My last girlfriend was up to her ears in fantasy novels—genres I’d always avoided. But one night, I borrowed one off her overflowing bookshelf, and wouldn’t you know it, I ended up completely hooked. That book? It gave us a hundred more things to talk about and a shared love I wouldn't have discovered otherwise. -
Rediscover Each Other Over Time:
Here’s a spicy little secret: people evolve. The partner you’ve been with for years might not be as predictable as you think. Even after a decade together, they might still throw you a curveball craving for something new. Start asking the questions you assume you already know the answers to—favorite foods, bucket list destinations, secret pet peeves—and prepare to be surprised. -
Be Playful About “What If”:
Sometimes curiosity is giving yourself permission to dream together. What if we moved to a completely new city? What if we started a band, even though neither of us has musical talent? What if we opened a food truck specializing in Southwestern tapas? Not all ideas will be winners (let’s be real: tapas in 120-degree weather is a stretch), but playful curiosity can open your relationship to a sense of possibility, even if the leaps stay hypothetical.
The Curiosity Detour
Let’s backtrack to that pottery class I mentioned. It wasn’t just any pottery studio; this one came recommended by a friend who sold it to me as “the next best first-date activity.” Curious and currently very single, I signed up. I was the only solo person in the room, surrounded by couples rollercoastering between flirtation and frustration as they navigated their slimy heaps of clay. My lopsided mug earned a few chuckles from strangers, but here’s the thing: down the line, that mug became the gateway to something else.
When I met someone a few months later—someone who proudly shared that her life goal was to handcraft a full set of matching dinnerware—I knew immediately how to woo her. I dusted off that ridiculous mug and brought it out with a sheepish grin. We bonded over clay-covered anecdotes, laughed at my lack of symmetry (both in crafting and life), and ended the night with plans for a joint ceramics workshop. That uneven cup became a conversation starter—proof that every detour sparked by curiosity can lead to surprising destinations.
Keep Asking Questions
Curiosity isn’t a skill—it’s an attitude. A choice to lean into wonder, to keep learning the depths of the people you love, and to say “yes” to moments that might seem slightly out of your comfort zone. There’s magic in not always needing to know the end of the story before you begin it.
Whether you’re exploring a potential new relationship, reigniting a long-term one, or just trying to figure yourself out, let curiosity be your compass. It’s the quiet nudge that keeps life from getting too familiar and relationships from running stale.
As for that pottery mug? I still have it. Somewhere between my hiking boots and a collection of faded Scottsdale postcards, it reminds me to stay curious. You never know where asking “what if” might lead—or who you might meet along the way.
