Some things in life are non-negotiable. For me, it’s a mix of practical essentials, sentimental treasures, and those weirdly specific comforts that keep the wheels turning. I’ve moved across the country a few times, from the hollers of West Virginia to the chaos of Los Angeles to a sleepy coastal town in Maine. Let me tell you: every time you pack your life into boxes, you learn real fast what truly matters. Spoiler alert: it’s not the IKEA lamp you swore you couldn’t live without. Here’s my list of must-haves—and maybe yours too.
1. A Sturdy Pair of Boots
Growing up in rural West Virginia, a good pair of boots wasn’t optional. They weren’t just shoes—they were a survival tool, social currency, and statement piece all rolled into leather and steel toes. I still remember my dad telling me, “You can tell a lot about a person by their boots. Scuffed? They’ve lived. Clean? They’re bluffing.”
Today, my boots aren’t just about trudging through muddy fields or snowy streets; they’re about grounding me. They’re built for long walks, bad dates, and everything in between. Whether it’s a spring hike on Maine’s rocky coastline or heading out to a local brewery, my boots remind me that wherever you stand, you’ve got to stand sturdy.
Relationship Lesson: A good foundation—like a solid pair of boots—makes all the difference. Whether it’s love or life, invest in something that lasts.
2. Cheddar Grits (With Hot Sauce, Always)
If you were raised in a kitchen where Sunday mornings meant cast iron skillets and country music, congrats—you already know grits are non-negotiable. But not just any grits: I’m talking rich, cheesy, melt-in-your-mouth magic drizzled with the kind of hot sauce that wakes up your spirit and maybe sets your nostrils on fire.
In my bachelor days out in Los Angeles, grits became a bit of a party trick. Friends who were more familiar with avocado toast and oat milk lattes would look at me with genuine concern when I served a cast-iron full of cheesy, spicy goodness. Two bites later, they were converted.
Grits remind me that comfort doesn’t come from complicated things. Sometimes it's a pot of basic ingredients made with love, served up with stories and laughter.
Relationship Lesson: Don’t overthink it. The simplest things—spicy grits, a good laugh, or a meaningful “tell me about your day”—often stick the longest.
3. A Notebook and Pen
I’ll admit it: I'm one of those people who still romanticizes the analog world. There’s something grounding about putting pen to paper. In West Virginia, I used to carry a cheap notebook to jot down poems, observations, and the occasional awkward attempt at turning feelings into rhymes. By the time I hit the fast pace of Los Angeles, my journal transitioned to survival mode: lists of job applications, quick scribbles of plot ideas between deadlines, and the occasional “Am I blowing this date? Yes or no.”
These days, living in Maine, my notebooks are less about keeping up and more about slowing down. They’re filled with the atomic details of the everyday—how the sunlight slices through my window in the morning, or a funny quip I overheard at the local coffee shop. It’s a reminder to pause and pay attention.
Relationship Lesson: Write the important things down—whether it’s love notes, shared goals, or simply how they make you feel. Memories fade. Stories last.
4. A Spotify Playlist For Every Mood
Picture this: you’re on a first date, sitting across from someone who may or may not pronounce “Appalachia” correctly. The servers have forgotten your water twice, you’re running out of small talk, then—boom—they drop some random trivia about loving old Johnny Cash tunes. Suddenly, you’re swapping playlist ideas, vibing over Van Morrison, and laughing about that weirdly underrated Paula Cole song.
Music isn’t just background noise—it’s context, emotional shorthand, and, in some cases, an escape. I have playlists for everything: “Driving Into the Sunset,” “Rainy Afternoon Writing,” and an old one called “Breakup Blues and Bourbon” there for the harder days. Creating playlists is a bit like curating a museum of feelings—you pick songs that show who you are without having to spell it out.
Relationship Lesson: Music has a magic way of bringing people together—or pulling you through a rough patch. Share your playlist. You might be surprised at what you discover.
5. My Grandma’s Quilt
When you grow up in Appalachia, quilts are less “cute country décor” and more priceless treasures. My grandma spent months stitching together scraps—old bandanas, flour sacks, and even pieces of her favorite old dress—into a patchwork masterpiece that could outlast anything from heartbreak to subzero winters.
The stitches aren’t perfect, and if you look closely, some edges fray just a little. But that quilt is a keeper. It's followed me coast-to-coast, draped over futons in dingy LA apartments and now a creaky wooden bedframe in Maine. Wrapping myself in that quilt feels like having a piece of home stitched close to the heart.
Relationship Lesson: The best things, like the best people, won’t ever be perfect—but they’ll keep you warm when it counts.
6. Coffee—The Kind That Hits Like Truth Serum
I’ll say it: coffee is the original dating coach. Whether you’re grabbing lattes on a first date or brewing a pot before a long morning chat, coffee has a way of breaking down walls. My obsession began when I was nineteen and working at a local paper in West Virginia—those long nights writing about miner strikes and mountain life demanded an unholy amount of caffeine.
A cup of strong, honest coffee is less a luxury and more a ritual. It’s also a reminder to slow down and savor—whether it’s the first sip or the kind of deep conversation that always seems to flow better over a mug.
Relationship Lesson: Morning coffee and meaningful conversations—both are better when they’re shared.
7. My Dog, Junebug
Confession: I wasn’t always a dog person. As a kid, my family mostly had barn cats and skittish chickens. But a few years ago, this scrappy little mutt with a wagging tail and a crooked smile wandered into my life. Junebug has a knack for knowing when I’m off my game—her superpower is flopping directly onto my lap and refusing to let me leave the couch until I’ve laughed at least once.
She’s also an unintentional dating litmus test. Nothing tells you more about a person than how they respond to a dog grinning up at them with mismatched paws and a wagging tail made of pure energy.
Relationship Lesson: Loyalty and unconditional love—they’re not just for dogs. (But let’s be honest: dogs set the bar ridiculously high.)
8. A Map of the Stars
Some people frame diplomas or fancy art. I’ve got a star map pinned over my desk, a gift from someone who once told me, “Every time you feel small, remember—this is where you belong.” It’s from a clear mountain night back when I lived in West Virginia, gazing up at constellations like they held every answer I didn’t know yet.
I took it with me to LA, where the smog usually drowned the stars out but somehow made me crave them more. Now, in Maine, I’ve got the real thing—crisp skies, bright constellations, and more questions than answers. That map reminds me that love, like stargazing, isn’t about finding every answer right away—it’s about showing up, looking up, and remembering that connection (with the universe or someone else) takes time.
Relationship Lesson: We’re all made of stardust. Don’t rush the connection—sometimes magic takes its time.
Closing Thoughts
There you have it—the non-negotiables that get me through the day, the months, and sometimes the messier parts of life. Some are practical, some sentimental, and a few are just unapologetically me. Maybe my list looks nothing like yours—or maybe we have a few things in common (like good coffee or bad dog jokes). Either way, here’s the takeaway: surrounding yourself with the right essentials—whether it’s stuff, people, or those little rituals that make you feel at home—can make even the hardest days feel just a little bit lighter.
Remember, your essentials don’t have to make sense to anyone but you. Keep them close. Build your life the way you’d build a playlist—intentionally, beautifully, unapologetically.
