Ever feel like you’re one wrong move away from being called out as a total fraud? Like your confidence is stringing you along, but with the wrong kind of fishing line—the kind that snaps at the first tug? We’ve all been there. Whether it’s a new job, a relationship, or even just learning how to parallel park in front of a judgmental audience, self-doubt creeps in like bad weather on an already cold day.

Trust me, I get it. I used to feel like the human equivalent of those inflatable tube men flopping around at used car dealerships—noticeable but definitely out of control—especially when it came to relationships. But the good news is, impostor syndrome doesn’t have to script the rest of your life (or your love life). Let’s break this down, one awkward moment at a time.

Facing the Self-Doubt Wilderness

Here’s the funny thing: impostor syndrome shows up just when we’re about to do something new or grow into something bigger. It’s like the overbearing trail guide at the start of a hike, yelling, “Are you sure you know where this path leads?” Don’t let it stop you. Truth is, self-doubt is often a pretty good marker that you’re stepping outside your comfort zone, which matters more than getting everything right.

When I was a park ranger giving tours through Grand Teton National Park, there were days I felt like I had no business answering people’s questions. Ecology grad or not, standing in front of a crowd of fleece-clad tourists grilling me about grizzly bears made me want to shrink into the sagebrush. Every time someone asked me, “Do moose attack people?” or “How do you know where elk migrate?” I thought, What if they figure out I don’t have all the answers? Spoiler alert: I had most of the answers, and on the rare occasions I didn’t, saying, “I’ll look that up for you” was enough to keep me on their good side.

The same logic applies to relationships, romantic or otherwise. People don’t expect you to be a walking encyclopedia of emotional expertise. They expect honesty, effort, and enough self-awareness to admit you’re still figuring some stuff out.

Permission to Get It Wrong (and Learn Anyway)

When it comes to dating or relationships, we often think we’re supposed to have our “stuff” together before joining the game. Nobody teaches you how to flirt without sounding like an unhinged rom-com extra or how to communicate feelings when you were raised to think “I’m fine” covers everything. But you know what? It’s okay to mess up.

Remember the first time you went on an actual date, not the middle-school kind that involved your mom dropping you off at an ice cream shop? Mine was a coffee date that transitioned into a hike. And by “hike,” I mean I thought I’d impress her by pointing out wildlife tracks in the mud—until I confidently misidentified a pair of coyote paw prints as mountain lion. Halfway through explaining how “big cats stalk their prey from the ridgeline,” I realized she wasn’t buying it. She called me out (with a laugh), and you know what? We ended up having a great time because I owned the blunder and made it part of the story.

Dating and life are like that hike (minus the paw print fail): it’s not about being flawless. It’s about showing up, trying your best, and being willing to laugh when the mountain lion turns out to be a coyote.

Practical Compass Points for Confidence

It’s easy to say, “Be confident!” but confidence doesn’t just show up in a FedEx box on your doorstep. It’s a muscle you build from a hundred small, intentional choices. Here’s how to fake it till you make it—without feeling fake.

  • Reframe the Narrative: Instead of thinking, “I don’t belong here,” try, “I’m here because I’ve got something to offer—whether it’s a new perspective, a different approach, or just my weird sense of humor.” Switch it up, and impostor syndrome starts to lose its grip.
  • Celebrate Small Wins: Maybe you nailed a tough conversation or managed to ask someone out even though your brain screamed, Abort mission! Tiny victories matter. They remind you, “Hey, I can do hard things.”
  • Ask for Feedback (but not from Doubt): Self-doubt is a terrible boss. It micromanages, overreacts, and overshares. Instead of letting it run the show, ask people you trust for honest feedback. Most of the time, you’re doing far better than you think.

Also, let’s sideline the myth that everyone else has it all together. Your seemingly perfect coworker or that Instagram couple with the matching plaid shirts? They’re doubting themselves, too. Trust me, even moose wonder if their antlers are lopsided sometimes.

Turning Impostor Syndrome Into Expertise

Here’s the part where I tell you how it all turns around. Do I still battle impostor syndrome? Sure do. It pops up when I’m writing stories, navigating relationships, or trying to assemble IKEA furniture without the instructions spontaneously combusting. But here’s the thing: the same voice that says, You can’t do this can become the one that says, You’re figuring it out.

Back when I was jotting notes as a rookie ranger, I never imagined those scribblings would become essays or even novels. It took years, lots of crumpled drafts, and a handful of “Who do you think you are?” moments to finally own my voice. And it wasn’t about waking up one day magically feeling like an expert—it was about deciding to keep showing up, imperfect and all.

In relationships, that looks like learning from your stumbles: the clumsy apologies, the overthought texts, the times you said too much or too little. You grow into the role, not because you’re flawless, but because you’re persistent. Every awkward conversation and hard-earned moment of connection becomes part of your expertise.

Embrace the Journey (Antlers Included)

Impostor syndrome might always hover in the background, but it doesn’t have to control the story. Your journey—whether it’s into a new relationship, a job, or just a deeper understanding of yourself—isn’t about being perfect. It’s about discovery, effort, and the courage to keep going even when you feel wildly underqualified.

And let’s be real: every expert started as an impostor in some capacity. Every ranger, every writer, every partner. The trick isn’t to wait until you feel like you’ve “made it” to start acting like you belong. The trick is to keep going until you look back and realize, somewhere along the way, you did.

So, the next time you doubt yourself and feel like you’re out of your depth, remember: all the great journeys start with someone thinking, Am I totally lost? Take a deep breath, shake off the self-doubt, and keep walking. You’re stronger, smarter, and more capable than you give yourself credit for—and that includes spotting the occasional misidentified paw print.

Now get out there, expert-in-progress. We’ve got mountains to climb.