How to Find Your People: The Journey to Your Supportive Tribe

The Great Cactus of Loneliness

Growing up in the spacious sprawl of Scottsdale, surrounded by wide-open skies and saguaro cacti that looked like they were shrugging at the world, I often felt... stuck. Sure, I had the perks of a tight-knit (and admittedly golf-obsessed) family and the gleaming paths of a gated community, but something was missing.

You know that scene in Eat, Pray, Love where Julia Roberts sits on the Italian floor sobbing about not feeling "whole"? Replace the pasta with some prickly pear margaritas, and you’ve got me at 25—overworked in startup marketing, quietly overwhelmed, and asking myself the question no networking event or LinkedIn post could fix: Where are MY people?

The truth is, finding your people—your tribe—can feel like navigating a barren desert in flip-flops. But don’t worry; the journey doesn’t have to be that painful. It’s about self-discovery, courage, and maybe a few awkward missteps along the way.

Let me tell you how I found mine.

The Mirage of "Should"

To be clear, I didn’t start this journey because I thought I needed one particular kind of group. My life seemed full enough: coworkers to grab drinks with, friends for casual fantasy football banter, and family who could talk endlessly about managing a short game on the golf course (hint: it’s all in the wrist).

But I realized something was off. I found myself going to the same speakeasy meetups and neighborhood barbecues and leaving feeling drained, like I was stuck in a group where I couldn’t fully be me. I call this the Mirage of "Should." You know the one:

  • You should just be grateful for the friends you already have.
  • You should just suck it up and say yes to that happy hour.
  • You should click with these coworkers because you spend so much time with them anyway.

It’s like trying to drink water from a cactus—it looks refreshing (an Instagram post-worthy group photo!), but it’s not what you need to survive.

Here’s the truth: You don’t find your people by clinging to “shoulds.” You find them by showing up as your most honest self—even if that means stepping outside of your well-landscaped comfort zone.

Sand Traps, Social Clubs, and Saying Yes Anyway

The first thing I tried to find my people? Joining a neighborhood pickleball league. Yes, pickleball. Picture this: dozens of middle-aged couples in sweatbands smacking neon balls at each other. To say this wasn’t my vibe would be putting it mildly, but it was a step.

Good news: Saying yes to new activities forces you out of autopilot. Bad news: Sometimes, you find yourself almost losing an eye to a rogue pickleball.

From there, I tried less obvious routes:
- A desert photography workshop (spoiler: everyone bonded over their cameras, and I had awkwardly borrowed mine from my dad).
- Weekly trail hikes (great for connecting with nature, less so with people who preferred to hike alone).
- A volunteer event cleaning up local parks (rewarding—but chatting around trash bags doesn’t exactly spark lifelong friendships).

The thing is, none of these were failures. They taught me something about myself—and about what I was looking for in a community. I learned it wasn’t just shared interests that mattered, but values.

Find Your Rhythm, Not Their Routine

So here’s where it clicked: Being part of a community isn’t about forcing yourself into someone else’s routine or fitting into their image of who you should be. It’s about finding a rhythm that feels like your own. Once I stopped searching for the “perfect” tribe and leaned into the things I was already passionate about, the right people showed up.

For me, that looked like:
1. Hosting Instead of Hoping: I stopped waiting to be invited places and started curating my own vibe. A sunset BBQ at Papago Park? Done. A backyard country music jam night with friends who didn’t roll their eyes at Morgan Wallen? Let’s go. Turns out, when you create the kind of events you’d want to attend, people who “get you” gravitate toward you.
2. Showing My Soft Side: If you’d met me a few years ago, you’d know I was all about the polished brand-image: suits, status updates, and LinkedIn wisdom. But the more I let people see my messy, desert-loving, want-to-talk-about-dreams self, the more we actually connected. Vulnerability (cue Brené Brown voice) is the secret spice to true belonging.
3. Chasing Curiosity: When a buddy asked if I wanted to join him at a spoken-word poetry night, my first reaction was a hard no. Poetry? Me? But giving it a shot introduced me to some of the most refreshingly creative souls I’d ever met. Sometimes, stepping into unexpected worlds opens doors to people you didn’t even realize you needed.

The Power of Imperfect People

Another hard truth? Your tribe won’t always come gift-wrapped as a flawless, perfectly-synced squad. When I think about "my people" now, they’re a mix of mismatched quirks and chaos. There’s Darren, whose idea of friendship milestones is teaching me how to make one perfect campfire s’more (hold the peanut butter). Ashley, who calls me out—lovingly—when I talk too much about work. And Maria, who doesn’t even like the desert but shows up anyway because she “gets the vibe.”

At its heart, finding your people means letting go of the perfect version of connection you’ve imagined—and embracing the messy, unexpected reality of it. Relationships, like the desert, are a little unpredictable. But that unpredictability is where the magic happens.

Practical Tips for Finding Your People

If you’re still wondering where the heck to start, let’s keep it simple:

  • Be Specific about What You Love: Whether it’s board games, stargazing, or finally finishing season four of Yellowstone, there’s a group of people who love it, too. Put yourself in spaces where those passions come alive.
  • Quality Over Quantity: You don’t need 50 acquaintances. Find a few good people who inspire you, challenge you, or simply remind you it’s okay to laugh when life gets a little ridiculous.
  • Accept Invitations (Even the Weird Ones): Salsa class? Improv workshop? Ice fishing? Sometimes the things that sound craziest help you find the connections you never expected.
  • Host Something Low-Key: You don’t need to plan Coachella. A casual “Taco Tuesday” or movie night can be a low-pressure way to meet potential tribe members.
  • Know When to Walk Away: If a social group feels more draining than delightful, it’s okay to move on. Life’s short—don’t spend it with people who don’t make you feel like yourself.

Conclusion: Under the Same Stars

Finding your people isn’t a straight shot—it’s more like one of those winding desert dirt roads my dad loved to take the family Jeep down. Sometimes, it’s bumpy. Sometimes, you feel like you’re going in circles. But eventually, you look up, see the stars, and realize it’s been worth every step.

Because here’s the thing: The right people don’t just make your life better—they make you better. They remind you of who you are when the rest of the world feels like quicksand. They’ll sit around the fire with you, talking about everything and nothing at the same time.

So start where you are, let yourself wander, and trust the journey. Your tribe is out there—and trust me, they’ll be worth the search.