Unpacking My Obsessions

We all have that one thing—an idiosyncratic quirk or obscure passion—that defines us a little more than we’d like to admit. Mine happens to be whales. (Yes, whales.) Not just the awe-inspiring titans of the ocean themselves, but the entire, sprawling lore of the whaling era. It’s a fixation carved out of salty air and moonlit tides, rooted in Nantucket's history and tethered, somehow, to my very soul. Admittedly, it's not the sexiest dinner-party anecdote, but, as you’ll soon see, it’s shaped the way I navigate love, life, and most surprisingly, myself. Stay with me—I promise, this whale tale has a point.

A Whale Obsession: Origins and Oddities

Let’s set the scene: young Oliver, ten years old, gangly and sunburned from summers spent tramping through Nantucket’s dunes, uncovering treasures that were, in hindsight, little more than rusty nails and suspiciously fishy-smelling rope. Full of boyish curiosity (and perhaps too many readings of Moby-Dick), I became enamored with the seafaring drama of Nantucket’s past. There was something deeply romantic—terrifying, too—about men setting sail on treacherous waters in search of these leviathans. It was all danger, duty, and daring. Whales became a kind of metaphor for impossible pursuits, and I guess I’ve been chasing them ever since.

Fast forward to adulthood, and this whale obsession hasn’t exactly faded. My bookshelves are lined with tomes on maritime history and scrimshaw carvings. My writing inevitably returns, almost magnetically, to those windswept 19th-century shores. They call me Ishmael, I joke sometimes, though my friends remain unconvinced it’s funny.

In dating, though? Let’s just say my steadfast passions have been…a mixed bag. Because for every person charmed by hearing about “this one time I almost cried at a museum’s harpoon exhibit,” there’s another who stares as if I just spouted a blowhole on the spot. But bear with me: this obsession, nuanced and eccentric as it is, has taught me some invaluable lessons about connection.

Lessons in Love from the Great Whales

What does a fascination with 60-ton marine giants have to do with relationships? More than you’d think. Whales, as it turns out, are an endlessly instructive metaphor for love—majestic yet messy, vast yet maddeningly elusive. Relationships, too, have their murky lows and exhilarating breaches above the surface. Here’s what my cetacean obsession has taught me about love:

1. Patience is Everything

Ask anyone—courting whales is not a quick endeavor. Whalers often spent years chasing their quarry across expanses of ocean in unpredictable conditions. (Hopefully, modern romance doesn’t require quite as much blood, sweat, and blubber.)

Relationships, too, demand patience. Whether it’s taking the time to understand your partner’s quirks, weathering miscommunications, or navigating dry spells, love is rarely a straight line. Like a pod of narwhals, it weaves, doubles back, and takes its sweet time. Learn to embrace the process.

2. Pay Attention to the Silence

Did you know whales communicate through song? But just as often, they simply listen, tuning into frequencies you or I could barely comprehend. Relationships are no different. There’s immense power in learning not just to talk, but to truly hear—whether that’s your partner’s worries, desires, or subtle cues that something’s off.

Think of that whale-like listening as active empathy. It’s not about waiting for your turn to speak—it’s about diving below the surface noise to meet someone where they are. Hopefully without needing a six-foot jawbone for context.

3. Know When to Surface

Picture this: a whale deep-diving into shadowy waters for hours on end, only to breach in one magnificent, glistening leap. There’s an emotional equivalent to this, too—relationships need moments of soaring, joyful connection to balance the depths.

It’s easy for couples to get bogged down in responsibility or routine. But love needs its “breach moments”: a spontaneous date night, surprising them with their favorite dessert, or even a simple inside joke that snaps you both out of everyday doldrums. These little joys remind you why you’re together in the first place.

The Endless Allure of Passion

I used to worry that my niche interests would alienate people. Who wants to hear about 19th-century commerce over cocktails? But I’ve realized something vital: there’s something irresistible about someone who lights up when discussing their passion—be it whales, vintage guitars, or artisan pickles. It’s not the topic itself that enchants; it’s the enthusiasm, and how that enthusiasm reflects your capacity to love fiercely and deeply.

This is true for relationships as well. Passion and curiosity (whether for whales or your partner’s favorite band) are what keep the tides of romance rolling. A life shared is one where you not only learn to embrace your partner’s quirks, but actively geek out with them. If someone can’t appreciate your nerdy little obsessions? They’re probably not your lobster, er, humpback.

How Passions Shape Connection

Here’s the irony of romantic partnerships: we often think our weirdest quirks are liabilities, things to downplay or shove to the back of the proverbial closet. But those quirks? They make you you. Imagine hiding the part of yourself that makes your eyes glimmer when you speak—it’s like asking a whale to stop singing. (It won’t. I’ve consulted marine biologists.)

In fact, my whale obsession has turned out to be a surprisingly effective litmus test on the dating scene. When I bring it up—usually accompanied by just the right amount of self-aware humor—it sparks some kind of instant revelation. Responses generally fall into three camps:

  1. “Whales are cool, I guess?” (Neutral but polite. They’ll feign interest for about 15 minutes before steering the conversation to sports or astrology.)
  2. “Oh my gosh, tell me everything.” (A signal that this person either enjoys specificity or just really likes hearing about harpoons at dinner.)
  3. Blank stare, followed by a brave attempt to pivot toward Netflix recommendations. (They were kind to try, but we probably won’t be seeing each other again.)

And that’s okay, because finding someone who truly appreciates the eccentric corners of your soul takes time. Embrace the process. Some will glaze over when you gush about 19th-century maritime treaties, but others? Others will want more. They’ll ask clever questions or compare Nantucket lore to obscure Fleetwood Mac lyrics. And those are the keepers.

The Final Breach

So here’s my takeaway: Let your quirks out to play. Haul your oddities, fascinations, and obsessions into the light. The moments in life and love that truly matter? They’re the ones where someone meets you exactly where you are: whale song, eccentricity, and all.

Because really, connection isn’t about hiding your depths to seem breezy and acceptable. It’s about finding someone who’s just as fascinated by the treasures lurking there—and who can delight in diving in with you.

Does this mean your date will always care about whales? Probably not. But will they recognize the spark behind your passion and connect with the essence of who you are? If they’re worth their salt, they will.

Love, like the ocean, is vast and unknowable. It’s not about taming the tides or meticulously charting each storm. It’s about accepting the messiness and wonder of it all—and allowing your personal obsessions to be the stars you navigate by.