The Things I Can’t Live Without

I’ll admit, I’ve been called “particular.” Not in a make-you-wait-30-minutes-while-I-edit-a-restaurant-menu kind of way, but in an I-know-what-I-love-and-I’m-sticking-with-it kind of way. Over the years, I’ve come to value the little luxuries and everyday essentials that make life richer, even when navigating the world of relationships and romance. Whether it’s a must-have cup of strong coffee or a tried-and-true vintage fragrance, I believe it’s the small rituals that ground us, remind us who we are, and make the journey—in love and life—that much sweeter.

This isn’t so much a definitive list as it is a peek inside the diary of my day-to-day existence. Think of it as a confessional of the talismans I clutch when the dating whirlwind gets stormy—or when I just need a moment to breathe.

1. A Well-Worn Copy of “The Heart is a Lonely Hunter”

No exaggeration—this novel has been my north star in both turbulent times and quiet nights. Carson McCullers’ haunting prose captures the ache of loneliness and the beauty of human connection, and honestly? Dating can sometimes feel like you’re caught between the two, right? When I’m deep in the “Does he really like me or just my Spotify playlist?” spiral, I open this book and let McCullers remind me that life is a tapestry of yearning, misconnection, and occasional, brief, yet breathtaking clarity. Bonus points if you read it by candlelight with a Virginia Woolf mug in hand—it’s a one-way ticket to introspection city.

2. Fresh Flowers on the Nightstand

I know, I know: It’s a bit Instagram-cliché to wax poetic about peonies at sunset, but trust me, flowers do wonders for your soul. For me, it’s hydrangeas that send my heart aflutter. Their billowy blooms and Southern charm are like the plant equivalent of a warm hug and soft “bless your heart.” I started treating myself to fresh flowers every Friday after a breakup many moons ago, and what began as a self-care ritual has become a non-negotiable part of my week. Pro tip: Put a vase on your nightstand. Waking up to fresh blooms is like getting a surprise love letter from nature (and hey, no ghosting involved).

3. My Grandmother’s Pearl Earrings

Southern women have this way of ascribing almost mythical qualities to heirlooms—and listen, I’m no exception. One of my most prized possessions is a pair of classic, understated pearl earrings that once belonged to my grandmother. She always said pearls symbolized wisdom garnered through pain and pressure, which—let’s be real—feels like a fitting metaphor for modern dating. These earrings have quietly seen me through blind dates, anniversary dinners, and crying in the car post-breakup. They remind me of resilience, grace, and how good lighting can make practically anyone feel like Grace Kelly.

4. An Endless Supply of Earl Grey Tea

Some people swear by vodka sodas when a date goes south; I swear by tea. I’ve got an Earl Grey habit that borders on devotion—it’s floral, caffeinated, and endlessly soothing. Whether I’m replaying text message exchanges in my mind or rehashing relationship drama with a friend, the ritual of steeping a cup serves as a moment to center myself. There’s just something romantic about a hot cup of tea on my front porch, Spanish moss swaying in the Savannah breeze. It’s very Virginia Woolf meets Reese Witherspoon in an indie movie.

5. A Signature Fragrance

They say scent is the strongest tie to memory, and boy, do I believe it. For years, my go-to fragrance has been one part jasmine, one part white musk, and a pinch of amber—classy enough to wear for a historic home tour, yet seductive enough for a second date. Honestly, a signature scent feels like a silent superpower, a tiny whisper of who you are without having to utter a word. Plus, let’s be honest: Nothing shifts my mood quite like a spritz of perfume before leaving the house. It’s a little like armor—but make it chic and floral.

6. A Killer Playlist

Here’s the thing about dating: Whether you’re in the early butterflies stage or mid-fender-bender of miscommunication, a killer playlist always saves the day. Mine includes everything from Ella Fitzgerald to Fleetwood Mac, with the occasional Beyoncé anthem when I need to remember I am perfectly fine on my own, thank you very much. Music sets the tone for how I feel about almost everything. Did he cancel again? Cue “Landslide.” Big date tonight? Hit shuffle on the sultry jazz. If self-made soundtracks aren’t on your list of essentials, I implore you to remedy that immediately.

7. My Favorite Historic Walking Route

Nothing clears a cluttered mind like a stroll through Savannah’s historic district. The cobblestone streets, the whispers of past centuries, the towering oaks draped in Spanish moss—there’s something deeply grounding about walking where generations have tread before you. When I’m feeling untethered, especially in matters of the heart, this is my therapy: lace-up sneakers, a light scarf, and a quiet amble down Jones Street, arguably the most beautiful street in America. It reminds me that while romance ebbs and flows, history endures. And let’s not forget: A little bit of sunshine does wonders for the complexion (nature’s highlighter!).

8. A Journal I’ll Never Let Anyone Else Read

Dating involves a fair amount of untangling—of intentions, emotions, and bad kissing techniques, if we’re being honest. And while venting to friends has its merits, sometimes you need to take a page from your own book. My journal is where I work through everything, from the “Was that flirty or just friendly?” overanalysis to the occasional existential crisis about being single at eight weddings this year. My advice? Get a beautiful leather-bound notebook, a great pen, and spill your guts. It’s free therapy—though you may cringe rereading entries later (spoiler: I usually do).

9. A Great Bold Lipstick

I have a theory: The right lipstick can change your entire aura. Mine is a brick-red hue called “Savannah Sunset,” which feels at least 80% responsible for my first kiss with a history professor I once met at an art gallery (a story for another time). A bold lip is a statement of intent—a declaration of “Here I am,” whether you’re braving a first date or simply showing up for yourself. When in doubt, swipe it on and let the confidence follow. I’ve yet to meet a bad mood that couldn’t be alleviated at least slightly by a perfect red lip.

10. My Mom’s Love Advice

Here’s the thing about my mom: She’s not just a classical pianist—she’s a veritable sage of relationships. Her wisdom is never preachy, just succinct tidbits like, “The right person will bring you ease, not stress,” and, “The best way to figure them out is how they make you feel.” It’s simple but wildly effective advice. When I find myself spiraling into over-analysis (a tragic family trait, I fear), I hear her voice in my head, reminding me to trust my intuition and not dismiss the red flags I sometimes want to romanticize into carnival pennants. And she’s right—every time.

The Takeaway: Know Your Essentials, Know Yourself

There’s something to be said for the things we choose to surround ourselves with—they’re a mirror of what we value, what we cherish, who we are. These essentials aren’t just items on a list—they’re companions along the journey. They ground me, guide me, and, truthfully, remind me to slow down and enjoy the little pleasures, especially when dating gets overwhelming.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: Life gets messy. Relationships get messy. But with the right grounding elements (and the occasional empowering red lip), that messiness becomes meaningful. Own your essentials, and don’t be afraid to lean into what makes your heart feel full. In the end, that’s where true connection begins—with yourself.