Lessons I Wish I Knew Earlier
The “Aha” Moments That Took Way Too Long
If I had a dollar for every time I’ve whispered to myself, "Why didn’t I figure this out sooner?", I’d probably have enough to fund a month-long trip to Bali. Life, love, and relationships are wild. Sometimes they feel like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle—except you’re missing the corner pieces, and the picture on the box keeps changing. But every messy chapter shapes us, doesn’t it?
Here’s the thing about wisdom: it’s the slowest Amazon Prime delivery ever, but wow, does it hit differently when it finally arrives. Here are the truths I wish I’d been handed sooner—perhaps engraved on a latte mug or whispered to me by some ethereal West Coast oracle (hey, I’m from Vancouver; this is conceivable).
1. Love Isn’t a Rom-Com, and That’s a Good Thing
Growing up, I had a bad habit of treating my love life like it was directed by Nora Ephron. I genuinely believed any misstep in a relationship could be fixed by a grand romantic gesture—a rain-soaked confession, or some dramatic airport chase scene (cliché AF, I know). Spoiler alert: real life doesn’t come with a soft indie soundtrack or perfectly timed lighting.
The truth? Healthy relationships aren’t about cinematic moments. They’re built on small, unfancy things—the unprompted text to say, "Thinking of you", or the easy comfort of eating takeout in mismatched pajamas while re-watching Ted Lasso. It’s those things—the non-Instagram-worthy moments—that create something real.
Actionable Tip: Forget “ideal.” Get curious about what really makes you feel at ease and appreciated in a relationship, even if it doesn’t look like the dreamy montage you’d imagined.
2. You Can’t DIY Fix People
Somewhere in my early 20s, I walked right into the trap of thinking my relationships could double as home renovation projects. “Oh, this person has unresolved issues? That’s fine—I’ll just roll up my sleeves and remodel their emotional state!” Cue every therapist on Earth dramatically face-palming.
People aren’t fixer-uppers. They’re not projects, and thinking you can “fix” someone is a subtle way of telling yourself you deserve less than you actually do. If someone isn’t ready for the kind of relationship you want, no amount of pep talks, lavender candles, or creative compromises will do the trick. Leave the emotional grout work to them.
Actionable Tip: Pay attention to how someone treats themselves—and others—on their “off days.” That’s likely who they are when the honeymoon phase ends.
3. Boundaries Are Hot
The first time someone told me about “boundaries,” I thought it sounded like the least sexy concept imaginable. Boundaries seemed rigid, clinical, and made-up, like a term from HR workshops. What no one told me? Boundaries are actually where healthy love begins.
Looking back, I realize how often I avoided creating boundaries—whether it was saying no to late-night texts from people who could not commit, or stretching myself thin to make a partner feel comfortable while my own needs remained untouched. Newsflash: boundaries aren’t walls; they’re doors that protect the highest-vibe, best version of yourself. And that version of you deserves to thrive.
Actionable Tip: Write down three non-negotiables in a relationship—things you won’t compromise on, like mutual respect or kindness. Let those be your guide for what you say "yes" or "no" to.
4. Being Alone Can Be a Power Move
For a long time, being single felt like a cosmic punishment. I treated the word “alone” like it was stuck with a blinking red Warning: Sad Girl Ahead sign. But let me tell you something: being single—and being okay with it—is the best kind of glow-up.
When you’re not romantically tethered, you’re free to pour energy into yourself. Nurture friendships. Learn that hobby you keep pinning on Pinterest. Discover what you love without anyone else’s input. I spent a summer in Tofino when I was single, mostly because I wanted to learn to surf, and oh, the number of epiphanies I had while getting hit square in the face by Pacific waves. Sometimes falling in love with yourself has a better long-term payoff than any fleeting romance.
Actionable Tip: Write a list of things you want to do to “level up” this year—solo. Remind yourself that being single isn’t a pause button; it’s a permission slip to grow.
5. Gut Feelings Are Basically Superpowers
Raise your hand if you’ve ever ignored that tiny voice in your head saying, “This isn’t quite right,” only to regret it later. (Spoiler: My hand is raised so high I could touch the sun.)
Your instincts? They’re not just random spidey senses. They’re the accumulated wisdom of your lived experiences, quietly trying to steer you toward what aligns with your energy. As someone who’s wandered into a couple of “grey area” situations and walked out singed, trust me: your gut knows way more about what’s good for you than your need for instant gratification ever will.
Actionable Tip: When evaluating a new relationship, check in with your gut: Does this person bring calm or chaos? If it’s more chaos…thank you, next.
6. Know Your “Why”
There’s an old running rule: if you don’t know why you’re signing up for the 15K, you’re going to struggle on mile 10. The same is true for relationships. Knowing your “why” doesn’t mean journaling a 12-page manifesto; it’s as simple as asking yourself: What do I want, really?
Are you seeking partnership, passion, personal growth, or maybe just some good company? Too often, I dated without checking in with myself—I followed the sparks without asking where the fire was actually taking me. Spoiler: I ended up in places where marshmallows were definitely not getting roasted.
Actionable Tip: Before diving into something new, ask yourself: Does this align with the kind of life I want to build? If not, rethink your direction.
The Final Thought
There’s no single manual for love and dating—although wouldn’t that be convenient? The truth is, relationships are less about “getting it right” and more about growing along the way. Your romantic path might look entirely different from mine, and that’s the beauty of it: we’re all figuring it out as we go.
So if you’re in the thick of it—whether navigating a breakup, diving into a new connection, or finding peace in solo time—remember that you’re not alone in the lesson-learning stage. Keep showing up, keep experimenting, and keep trusting yourself to find what feels right. And hey, cut yourself some slack: figuring life out is half the adventure anyway.
