It was a Tuesday afternoon—ordinary, unremarkable—and I was scrolling through six consecutive “thank u, next” texts from my sister when Yasmin, my older friend, threw the question at me like a perfectly sharpened dart: “Do you even know what you want?”

Cue internal monologue: Do I? Is this a trick question? And how is Yasmin so good at making me rethink my entire life with a single sentence?

At that point in my life, I was an enthusiastic people-pleaser. My romantic relationships felt… recycled, like I was stuck in this existential dating Groundhog Day. Yasmin? Well, she was the complete opposite. A walking TED Talk. The kind of person who could rifle through a thrift store in 15 minutes and walk out looking like she just left Paris Fashion Week. Her blend of brutal honesty and breezy humor made people sit up straighter, question their choices, and laugh while doing it. She changed my perspective on relationships—and myself—forever.

Here’s how:

Lesson #1: Stop Ordering “Off the Menu” in Relationships

Yasmin once told me relationships are like restaurants, serving exactly what you’re willing to order—or settle for. She meant it jokingly, using some of my past flings as punchlines. (Apparently, an ex named Derek and a salad bar had more in common than I wanted to admit: bland and underwhelming unless someone else jazzed them up.)

“Why do you keep picking people with no seasoning, babe?” she teased.

Ouch. But also… I couldn’t argue.

Yasmin’s point was this: relationships shouldn’t feel like ordering from a secret menu where everything is a compromise. I kept dating people who couldn’t meet my needs, all the while trying to fix or “customize” them. Meanwhile, Yasmin lived by a mantra as crisp as her eyeliner—“Be clear, or be confused.”

She urged me to think about what I actually wanted before I even put myself out there. Not in a shallow, checklist way (wants abs and must own a dog), but based on values and compatibility. She also reminded me, “You’re not too much. Maybe they just want less.” Harsh? A little. But empowering? Definitely.

Lesson #2: The Greatest Love Story Is the One You Have with Yourself

Raise your hand if you’ve ever adjusted your personality to be more likable while dating. (Oh, look—my hand is up.) I used to treat my quirks like contraband, hiding them away until I felt “safe” to show them. Unsurprisingly, this led to a lot of mismatched dynamics and one too many awkward brunches with people who didn’t even laugh at my jokes.

Yasmin changed all of that—mostly because she knew exactly who she was and radiated confidence like the sun. She always said, “Flaws? Honey, they’re features.”

One Friday night over takeout, she asked me, “Do you even like yourself right now?”

“Umm,” I hedged, gesturing vaguely with a dumpling.

“You’re like a museum,” Yasmin said. “Except none of the exhibits are you. Stop curating yourself for other people.”

And that was the mic drop moment. I realized how much of myself I was leaving behind for the sake of being “palatable.” So, I started showing up as more of me—the real, chaotic, emotional, glitter-loving me. The scary part? Not everyone stuck around. The rewarding part? The right people did.

Lesson #3: The “Spark” Is Overrated (and Sometimes a Red Flag)

You know that magical, butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling? The one that rom-coms and Taylor Swift songs have convinced us is true love? Yasmin called it out for what it really is: “Just your brain totally glitching because of unresolved childhood trauma. Chill out.”

...Brutal. But accurate.

Yasmin had dated a fair share of walking Tinder clichés who were all spark, zero substance. Eventually, she realized that spark often came from an anxiety-inducing push-pull dynamic, not actual compatibility.

“Love isn’t a fireworks display,” she told me one summer evening while she painted her nails in the color ‘Dragonfruit.’ “It's more like Penelope Cruz in a wool sweater. Warm, steady, perfectly imperfect.”

Yasmin taught me that it’s okay to value comfort and consistency over drama and adrenaline. In fact, those “boring-but-stable” relationships are often the happiest ones. She made me revisit connections that were calm instead of chaotic and recognize that butterflies don’t always mean something good; sometimes, they’re just indigestion.

Lesson #4: The No BS Rule (A.K.A. Have Standards Without Apology)

Have you ever had that friend who convinces you to text back someone you shouldn’t? Yasmin was the opposite of that friend. She was like an overprotective Italian grandmother who’d straight-up confiscate my phone if it meant saving me from bad decisions.

“Why are you letting this guy treat you like a free trial subscription?” she asked once, during what was supposed to be a fun coffee shop catch-up.

Her rule for dating was simple: no BS. She reminded me that I was allowed to have boundaries—big ones, small ones, deal-breaker ones. No explanation needed.

Yasmin coined one of my all-time favorite dating lines when I hesitated to call someone out on bad behavior. “You’re not here to be a doormat or a DIY project. Say it like it is, or they’ll think you’re okay with the crumbs.”

Since then, I’ve added ‘no BS’ to my internal dating checklist. Spoiler alert: this rule doesn’t just make relationships better; it makes life better. I’ve lost count of the number of times her words have played in my head during tough conversations.

Lesson #5: Friendship Is the Ultimate Training Ground

Here’s the plot twist: everything Yasmin taught me about love came from her friendship. There were no hidden agendas, no overanalyzed subtext, and zero romantic expectations.

She cheered me on but called me out when I needed a reality check. She didn’t make me feel small for wanting love or big for dreaming too boldly. She reminded me that relationships, whether platonic or romantic, thrive on honesty, humor, and mutual respect.

And Yasmin showed me, in real time, what it’s like to be someone who knows themselves so fully, they don’t compromise their identity for the sake of anyone else. That’s the energy we should all carry into our partnerships.

Takeaway: Be Your Own Yasmin

Yasmin likely doesn’t even realize how much she’s impacted my life. But if she’s taught me one thing, it’s this: the best relationships—including friendships—are rooted in showing up authentically. No filters. No fine print.

So, ask yourself: Do you know what you want? Are you ordering love off the menu—or creating something wholeheartedly, unapologetically you?

Because ultimately, this isn’t just about finding a partner. It’s about finding yourself—and realizing that putting yourself first isn’t selfish. It’s an act of love, and it’s the foundation for every connection that truly matters.