I’m going to be real with y’all. Growing up on the South Side of Chicago taught me two core truths about life and love: First, you can’t build something real if you’re not standing on solid ground. And second, if someone offers you BBQ ribs before a serious conversation, take the ribs. That’s not just a food philosophy—it’s a metaphor for how I approach relationships, writing, and everything in between. I don’t claim to know it all (who does?), but I do claim to know what matters to me.

Here’s what I stand for—and why these beliefs shape how I see love and connection, from new beginnings to deep-rooted commitment.

1. Love Without Authenticity Is Like Singing With No Soul

If “Keeping It Real” were a college major, authenticity would be the capstone project. I learned this early on, sitting in church pews as gospel choirs belted out harmony so raw and honest it gave me chills. Later, I felt that same spark studying Gwendolyn Brooks’ poetry, where every line felt like a love letter to truth. In life and in love, I stand for showing up as your real self—messy edges and all.

Here’s the thing: People can sense when you’re playing a character. Whether you’re flirting over coffee or navigating hard conversations with your partner, authenticity is the secret sauce. Pretending to be someone you’re not? That’s the emotional equivalent of showing up to a Chicago winter with mesh sneakers—nobody’s buying it, and you’re just setting yourself up to freeze.

Practical Tip: Drop the mask. Instead of dressing up your text like “haha yeah that’s cool ig,” say what you mean. “That sounds amazing! Tell me more about it.” Being genuine isn’t weakness; it shows you’re confident enough to own who you are.

2. Respect The Other Person’s Rhythm

Growing up in Chicago—the city that birthed both house music and Kanye’s inevitable rants—you learn to respect rhythm. Not just in beats, but in relationships. Everyone’s pace is different, and you’ve got to listen if you want to stay in sync.

I’ve made the mistake before of rushing things, whether it was trying to move past rejection too fast or overcomplicating potential connections before they were ready to grow. (Pro tip: Sending a long-winded text about “where this is going” too early is like putting ketchup on a Chicago hot dog—it’s the fastest way to ruin an otherwise great thing.)

Practical Tip: Find the tempo in every relationship. That could mean taking a beat to ask, “How do you feel about this?” or slowing down when you notice someone pulling back. Don’t force connection—build it, one lyric at a time.

3. Vulnerability Isn’t Weakness; It’s a Superpower

This one took me years to embrace. In the neighborhood I grew up in, vulnerability could feel like a liability—an open door just begging disappointment to walk in. But teaching creative writing to young people in the city turned that idea on its head. I watched teenagers pour heartbreak, hopes, and humor into their stories, proving that the cracks in our armor are where light sneaks through. Vulnerability doesn’t diminish us—it shows we’re alive.

When it comes to love and connection, I stand for taking emotional risks. Yeah, you might fall flat on your face (who hasn’t?), but opening up creates a bridge for someone else to do the same. It’s not about steering the conversation toward a sob story on the first date—it’s about being real enough to say, “Here’s who I am. I hope you want to meet me there.”

Practical Tip: Start small. Instead of saying, “I’m fine,” try, “Honestly? Today has been a little overwhelming.” Letting someone in shows you value trust over perfection.

4. Humor Is the Great Equalizer

Y’all, dating and relationships are awkward. That’s just the truth. You’re out here deciding if a stranger’s quirky habit is adorable or mildly concerning (anyone else ever dated someone who avoided cheese like it was radioactive?). You’re stuck navigating the blurry lines of “good morning” texts or learning your partner deep-sighs when they’re annoyed. It’s a lot.

What I’ve learned is this: If you can laugh about it, you can get through it. A shared laugh is like a safety net that catches connection when everything else feels uncertain. Whether it’s cracking jokes to ease tension on a date or watching an old sitcom together after a fight, playfulness keeps things light during life’s heavier moments.

Practical Tip: When things get awkward, don’t fight the cringe—lean into it. Instead of stressing about the weird silence, crack a joke about how bad you are with silences. “So, this is that part of the conversation where I desperately think of something clever to say…”

5. Culture Shapes Connection

This one’s personal for me. As a Black man whose roots run deep in Chicago, I know culture isn’t just background noise—it’s the foundation of how we experience the world (and everyone in it). Growing up surrounded by jazz, Sunday soul food spreads, and poetry in motion taught me that connection isn’t one-size-fits-all. Relationships flourish when you honor differences and celebrate what makes someone (and yourself) unique.

This belief also works wonders to zap assumptions out of the equation. For example, if you’re dating someone from a different background, don’t just assume you “get them” because you’ve binged three documentaries on their culture. Be curious. Ask thoughtful questions. Let them share their story instead of trying to connect the dots for them.

Practical Tip: Pay attention to how someone expresses their identity. What kind of music do they love? What stories do they tell? What food feels like home to them? Learning to honor someone’s culture makes connection deeper—and way more meaningful.

My Final Take: Love Starts With What You Stand For

At its core, love isn’t about perfect timing, finding “The One,” or collecting Instagrammable date nights (although, hey, those can be fun). It’s about showing up with a sense of what you value and being willing to learn the same from someone else. Whether you’re flirting over morning lattes or navigating years of shared history, always stand for your truth, your rhythm, and your mutual humanity.

Because here’s the wild thing: The more you honor what you stand for, the more you attract people who want to stand beside you.