What do a chance street encounter, an obscure bookstore aisle, and an unplanned dinner at a dive bar in Berlin have in common? They’re all moments where my curiosity got the better of me and, dare I say, led to something extraordinary. Curiosity, often underestimated in a world obsessed with efficiency and certainty, is not just a force for discovery—it's the key to finding depth in your relationships, self-awareness, and life experiences.

Let me take you on a quick journey to show you how embracing curiosity can lead to unexpected—and often transformational—outcomes.

The Domino Effect of Asking "What If?"

I was in my early twenties, freshly deposited in Berlin for a summer cultural exchange, and, to be honest, feeling more lost than cosmopolitan. One muggy afternoon, I overheard someone at a café gushing in rapid German about Berghain (the legendary nightclub that, for the uninitiated, is equal parts music temple, social experiment, and escape room with no instructions).

Now, clubs have never been my scene—books and wine were more my tempo at the time, but something about the sheer mystery of the place seized me. Without a second thought, I asked the stranger for details, much to the mortification of my introverted self. That conversation led to a 10-hour odyssey into Berlin’s underground techno culture, where I danced among people I'd never imagined meeting: a neuroscientist who moonlighted as a DJ, a group of poets who wrote verses on their phones between beats, and—true to form—the surreal magic of it all left me with a draft of one of my best short stories.

What struck me later wasn’t the novelty of the experience itself; it was that a small decision to ask “What if I gave this a shot?” completely shifted the course of my week, gave me new material as a writer, and changed the way I thought about spontaneity in connection. Curiosity, in that moment, wasn’t just a tool for exploration; it became a superpower.

Dating, Decoded: How Curiosity Can Be Your Greatest Wingman

Let’s talk about how this translates to relationships. Curiosity can be the difference between a one-dimensional “How’s work?” date and a conversation that feels like peeling back the layers of a fresh croissant—flaky, textured, and deeply satisfying. (Who doesn’t love metaphors involving baked goods?)

For instance, early in my own dating life, I had this weird obsession with asking people about their earliest memory of feeling embarrassed. Sure, it might sound odd—why not stick to safer topics like music preferences or favorite Netflix shows?—but those answers were always where the magic was. One person described the sheer horror of dropping their lunch tray in an elementary school cafeteria during pizza day, and how they turned the ordeal into a stand-up comedy routine later in life. Another shared a story about ripping their pants on a hike and having to MacGyver a temporary fix using duct tape and a scarf.

That question didn’t just break the ice; it torched it with humor and vulnerability. More than anything, it taught me this: when you approach someone with genuine curiosity, rather than the pressure to impress or be impressed, you invite honesty and depth.

How can you bring this energy to your own conversations? Try these: - “What’s something you randomly got obsessed with for no logical reason?”
You might unearth a passion for decoy duck carving or an encyclopedic knowledge of ‘90s movie soundtracks. - “What’s your irrational but deeply held pet peeve?”
This one’s a goldmine for lighthearted sparring and bonding—just wait until you meet the person who cannot tolerate loud chewing in any universe. - “What’s the weirdest compliment you’ve ever received?”
Trust me, you’ll laugh. (Mine: someone once told me I “look like I read a lot of Tolstoy,” and I’ll never know if it was meant as shade or praise.)

Curious Moments Are Memorable Moments

Sometimes, curiosity isn’t just about what you gain but what you leave behind. A couple of years ago, I was in a Brooklyn bookstore—one of those charming ones where the shelves are slightly overstuffed, and the air smells faintly of coffee and paperbacks. I was on my way to a well-worn section of Baldwin novels when a book cover caught my eye: brightly colored, its title hand-painted in what looked like 10 different languages. Against better judgment (because I was already carrying two tote bags stuffed with books), I stopped.

The book? A collection of essays about love in cities—Tokyo, São Paulo, Istanbul, Lagos—that I didn’t realize would reshape the way I wrote about connection. Smack dab in the middle was an essay about modern dating in Mumbai that likened local romance to weaving intricate patterns: messy, colorful, and never perfect. I was floored. What if I hadn’t stopped to check that weirdly splashy, overlooked cover? What if I’d gone straight to Baldwin as planned?

It sounds small—because it is—but moments like these are proof that even in seemingly tiny instances of curiosity, there’s potential for something profound. Maybe it’s a conversation. Maybe it’s an idea. Maybe it’s a serendipitous change in perspective. Curiosity pulls you off autopilot and lets you live more vibrantly.

Curiosity in Practice: Small Ways to Spark Big Transformations

Now, I’m not saying you have to book the next flight to a techno mecca or stake out exotic bookstores to shake things up. Curiosity works its magic in small, everyday ways. Here are a few to try:

  1. Reclaim the art of asking questions.
    Think about the last date or dinner party you went to—how deep did you dig? Dare to ask someone questions they’re probably not hearing daily. You’d be surprised by how many people are delighted (relieved, even) to go off-script when invited to share something they care about or haven’t considered in years.

  2. Be comfortable with detours.
    Even if you’re someone who lives by your Google Calendar (hi, guilty as charged), leave room for randomness. Say yes to an event or conversation that isn’t typically “you.” Worst case, you’ll have a story to tell; best case, it’ll refresh your way of seeing the world.

  3. Let curiosity be your compass.
    Think about an emotion, a conflict, or even a joy you don’t fully understand, and explore it. Ask yourself things like, “Why did I react so strongly to that work meeting?” or “Why does this particular compliment mean so much to me?” Curiosity about yourself is often the most overlooked form of self-care—and honestly, the most impactful.

  4. Pair curiosity with patience.
    This one’s crucial: curiosity doesn’t guarantee instant gratification. It’s not always about finding the answer right now but about building a mindset that appreciates the asking. Let it unfold.

Your Next “What If” Moment Awaits

If there’s one takeaway here, it’s this: curiosity isn’t just a personality trait—it’s a practice. A choice. The world has no shortage of opportunities to say “Nah, I’m good, thanks” and keep scrolling, but when you decide to follow that random spark of wonder, you signal to yourself (and others) that you’re wide open to whatever life—or love, or the universe—throws your way.

So ask the question. Wander into the aisle. Dance at the place you were sure wasn’t for you. (Or, fine, just do a little half-bop if full dancing isn’t your vibe.) Leave room for those unexpected discoveries, because they’re often where the best stories—and connections—begin.

The joy of being curious isn’t just in what you find; it’s the process of looking that transforms you. Go ahead—get curious. The rest will follow.