Have you ever noticed how the best things in life start with a question? Not the kind you rapid-fire at yourself in a panic, like “Did I leave the stove on?” or “Why did I text them back so fast?” No, I mean the gentle, curious kind. The kind that nudges you down a path you didn’t know you needed to walk. “I wonder what happens if I…” fills the air with possibility. And if curiosity killed the cat, well, maybe the cat was just on to something bigger than napping.

For me, curiosity has been both a compass and a lifeline. It led me from the tidepools outside my childhood home in Maine to writing essays about Atlantic seals and tourists who don’t realize sunscreen is a thing. But oddly enough, curiosity has also surprised me the most in love, relationships, and figuring out life with other humans. When you stop approaching the world (or your partner) with "meh" and start saying, “Tell me more,” you’re opening the door to way more adventure than Netflix’s algorithm can promise. Let’s explore why tapping into curiosity can change everything—and how you can start doing it today.

1. Curiosity Makes the Mundane Magical

You know those couples who swear to each other, “Never go to bed angry”? That’s sweet and all, but my partner and I have a slightly different motto: “Always go to bed wondering.” Let me explain before you visualize us losing sleep over existential debates.

Here’s the deal: when you look at another human—whether you’ve been married for 20 years or felt sparks on a second date—you have the chance to see them as a universe. No one is ever “just” a project manager from Portland or “just” someone who likes IPA beers. Everyone has layers, quirks, and stories they haven’t told yet. The secret? You have to ask.

When my partner casually mentioned his great-grandfather had crossed the Atlantic to New England on a ship made entirely of wood (this sounds fake, but okay), I got curious. What was that like? Did he take anything with him? Did he ever second-guess himself halfway across? Those questions opened up a two-hour conversation that eventually involved online sleuthing for his ship’s blueprints. Do we now share an inside joke about naming our future dog after the vessel? We sure do.

Think about it: When’s the last time you asked your person—or a person—a truly curious question? Not “How was your day?” but “If you had 24 hours to explore anywhere in the world by yourself, where would you go?” You don’t have to treat every conversation like a TED Talk, but believe me, the mundane starts to sparkle when you treat it like treasure hunting.

2. Curiosity Keeps Dating (and Life) from Getting Stale

The same curiosity that propels you to ask about ship voyages also has a funny way of reviving your social life or relationships. Because here’s the ugly truth: humans, as a species, love routines. We bask in things like eating the same brand of peanut butter every day or clinging to the same three restaurant recommendations for every date night.

I’m not saying routines are bad (I can’t function without my coffee-and-to-do-list mornings). But without deliberate curiosity, those patterns quietly choke out spontaneity. You start operating on autopilot. Next thing you know, you’re fighting over whose turn it is to unload the dishwasher and wondering why every date feels like Groundhog Day.

Here’s where curiosity helps: Even with someone you think you’ve figured out, there’s always something left to explore. Test this theory by swapping roles for something small—you choose their next audiobook or ask them to pick a recipe they’ve always wanted to try. When my partner and I discovered an Alaskan crab pie recipe last winter and had no idea what we were doing, suddenly a basic Thursday night turned into a seafood-filled lab experiment. Did we smoke out the kitchen? You bet. Did we laugh until tears were rolling? Absolutely. Even disasters spark memories when you’re taking chances together.

And if you’re single? Let curiosity shape your choices. Take that pottery class you keep scrolling past. Compliment someone’s T-shirt at the farmer’s market, no matter how awkward it feels. The point is, curiosity shakes up the snow globe of your own life—and who knows what’ll fall into place?

3. Curiosity Builds Bridges, Not Walls

Let’s sidestep into slightly deeper waters for a second. Curiosity isn’t just about making things fun and fresh—it’s also your secret weapon when relationships take a turn toward choppy seas. If you’ve ever had an argument that ended with silence and the ominous words, “Do what you want,” you know what I mean.

When things get tense, it’s easy to dig in your heels, convinced you’re RIGHT (capital R, capital everything). Here’s where curiosity flips the script. What if instead of focusing on your comeback, you paused and asked yourself a question: “What isn’t being said here?” Or better yet, what if you looked at the other person and asked some variation of, “Can you help me understand why that matters so much to you?”

Imagine hitting your partner with that line—curiosity, not criticism, laced in your tone. It’s transformative. My friend Heather and her girlfriend once sparked a heated debate over (and I’m not joking) whether they should combine their Spotify accounts. After tensions peaked and the “You just don’t get it!” phase began, Heather tried a different approach: “Can you tell me what it is about the joint playlist that’s so important?” The answer? Her girlfriend felt like pooling their music was a small way to feel more like a team. They didn’t end up merging accounts (Heather values her Maine indie-folk vibes too much to risk algorithm sabotage), but her curiosity softened the conversation. It created a bridge, not a brick wall.

4. How to Get Curious (Even If It’s Not Natural for You)

If curiosity doesn’t come easily—or you’re worried about sounding more like a podcaster than a potential partner—start small. Here are a few trusted defaults to get you started:

  • Use “what if” questions. Instead of a stale, “What do you want to eat this weekend?” go with, “What’s the weirdest food you’d ever try, no hesitation?”
  • Take childlike inspiration. Kids have no filter when it comes to showing wonder at the world. Channel that energy by asking “Why?” or “How does that work?” at least once a day.
  • Embrace random knowledge. When’s the last time you asked a date—or your partner—about the weirdest thing they’ve Googled lately? You might unlock a fascinating rabbit hole.
  • Be wrong sometimes. Admit when you don’t know something and let someone else teach you. Once, in Norway, I mistakenly called puffins “penguins” in front of a local guide. Correcting me turned into an hour-long tangent about how puffins keep their feathers ocean-worthy (did you know their beaks look fluorescent in mating season?). Embarrassing? Yes. Worth it? Also yes.

Final Thoughts—Stay Curious, Love Curious

Here’s the thing about curiosity: It’s one of those qualities that makes life richer, relationships deeper, and even your kitchen experiments a little more colorful. You could coast through life on autopilot, recycling the same five date night ideas and scrolling endlessly through social media. Or you could stay curious, walk down unmarked trails, and open doors to stories you didn’t even know existed.

Love, like the ocean I grew up next to, is an endless horizon. It doesn’t care how much you think you know; it’s still hiding something magical just beneath the waves. All you have to do is ask the right questions. Start now—with yourself, with someone you love, with the cute stranger next to you sipping cold brew. See where curiosity takes you. My bet? Somewhere unforgettable.