The Doorway to Unexpected Magic: How Curiosity Transforms Connections
Curiosity doesn’t always get the spotlight it deserves in matters of love and relationships. It’s a quiet, unassuming quality—less glamorous than confidence, less talked about than honesty, but no less essential. Curiosity is the flicker of a match before it becomes a flame. It’s the difference between ordinary and extraordinary. And sometimes, it’s how life surprises you in the best way.
I’ve learned this firsthand, both in my writing career and personal life. Looking back, the most rewarding experiences—whether sparked by love, cultural misunderstandings, or sheer accidental brilliance—began with an unguarded question, a willingness to look beyond the obvious.
Here’s how embracing curiosity can open unexpected doors—and yes, I have a few stories to prove it.
Curiosity Is How the Magic Starts
About ten years ago, during an exchange semester in New York, I struck up a conversation with a stranger on the subway. He was reading a dog-eared copy of Jane Eyre. For context: I didn’t approach him because the book was interesting. No, I was initially horrified. You see, the Chinese translation of Jane Eyre I’d grown up with was so tragic, so existentially crushing, I still wince at the thought of poor, suffering Jane. I had to know why he looked so happy clutching my generation’s version of emotional doom.
“Don’t you find her… unbearably tragic?” I asked, with no prelude whatsoever.
He laughed. “She’s stubborn, not tragic. And who doesn’t love a character who refuses to settle?”
That sparked a back-and-forth about Eastern storytelling, Western ideals of independence, and—eventually—a friendship that lasted through midnight pizza runs and late essays. Although we didn’t date romantically, the encounter showed me how cultural curiosity could build unusual, deep connections. (Also, I reread Jane Eyre with fresh eyes, and dang, maybe I was being a little melodramatic?)
The takeaway? Ask a question that scratches more than the surface. You never know which seemingly casual moment could give your world a new texture—or even rewrite your personal story.
Love Is in the Details
If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in dull small talk—“What do you do?” or “Seen any good movies?”—you’re not alone. The issue isn’t the question itself; it’s the lack of oomph behind it. Curiosity is like seasoning in a noodle dish: without it, even the best cook ends up with something bland.
Curiosity allows you to see people—really see them—in a way they may not even see themselves. And when you ask the right questions, magic happens.
For example, I once asked a date what his childhood comfort food was. A little random? Sure—but he lit up like someone had just handed him a treasure map.
“Scallion pancakes," he said. "My mom folding them into perfect layers like it’s some kind of art. I miss that smell.”
That moment opened a hundred doors: stories of family meals, rolled-up sleeves, inside jokes. Instantly, I wasn’t just on a date—I was invited into the pieces of his world that mattered most. And guess what? That date stuck. We started making scallion pancakes together every Sunday. (Eventually, we made scallion-pancake-shaped mistakes too, but hey, not all great connections lead to forever.)
Curious questions—playful ones, open-ended ones—are a superpower in every kind of relationship. Start small:
- “What book changed how you see the world?”
- “If your life were a movie, what’s the one ridiculous scene you’d have to include?”
- “What’s an underrated skill you secretly have?”
People’s answers will surprise you. Better yet, they’ll surprise themselves.
The Beauty in Getting It Wrong
Curiosity also comes with risk: the risk of asking a question no one wants to answer or bumbling into an awkward misstep like some lost tourist. But here’s the surprise—it’s often in the stumbles that curiosity brings the best rewards.
When I was stuck in Shanghai working on a historical romance novel that wasn’t cooperating, I decided to join a dance class. No, not because I had rhythm (spoiler: I didn’t). I just thought, “Maybe sweating it out will make my hero and heroine behave on paper.”
There, I met a very confident but very mistaken man who claimed I could only “get the hang” of salsa if I studied music theory first. Naturally, I Googled “music theory basics” during class just to make him eat his words—and in doing so, I discovered how much joy learning something totally unrelated to writing could spark. Eventually, I realized salsa wasn’t my thing… but curiosity had quietly turned the dance class into a new chapter of self-discovery—not to mention it inspired two minor characters in my book!
The lesson? Even when curiosity feels clumsy or you realize “this is not me,” it still gifts you something worthwhile: experience, humor, or—if nothing else—a funny story for dinner parties.
Tips for Cultivating Curiosity in Your Relationships
We often think of curiosity as big, dramatic leaps of daring: traveling to an unknown country, signing up for cheese-making classes, or chasing your crush’s favorite indie band to a concert three cities over. But in reality, curiosity often shows up in everyday moments—and pays off in bigger ways than you expect.
Want to make curiosity part of your love language? Start here:
-
Be Playfully Nosy
Ask questions that deviate from the usual script. Think “What’s the weirdest dream you’ve ever had?” instead of “How was work today?” The quirkier the question, the more you’ll see someone’s unique side. -
Say Yes to the Unfamiliar
Try something outside your comfort zone with your partner—or even alone. A pottery class, rock climbing, sampling street food. At worst? You’ve got a story. At best? You’ve got a new passion. -
Embrace Silences
Curiosity isn’t just about what you ask but also what you observe. Pay attention to what makes your partner’s voice change, or the stories they keep circling back to. -
Laugh at the Missteps
Not every question lands perfectly, not every adventure pans out. That’s okay. Mistakes show you’re trying—and they’re often where lifelong memories are made.
Curiosity: The Gift that Keeps Giving
Romantic or not, curiosity is your compass toward connection. It asks: How can I know you better, beyond what you’re showing the world? How can I step deeper into your story?
It’s a muscle worth exercising, a spark worthy of attention. Relationships, after all, require this willingness to wander and wonder—to ask and be surprised by the answer.
So, stay curious. Ask too many questions. Risk the awkwardness. And every once in a while, let yourself take the long way home, just in case the subway stranger reading Jane Eyre has something unexpected to say.
Who knows? Your next question might lead you to something beautiful you never saw coming.
