What’s in a name? Everything. Or nothing. Depends on who you ask. Some say names are just sounds we answer to, like dogs perking up to the jangle of keys. Others claim names shape our destinies, stamped onto us like cosmic luggage tags. I fall somewhere in the middle—maybe names aren’t everything, but they’re definitely something. And in the wild landscape of relationships, who you are—and how your name intertwines with that—is worth exploring.

Growing up, my name felt like a curious contradiction. Willow Ko. It sounded poetic in English, but in Cantonese, “Willow” doesn’t quite roll off the tongue. For the aunties at dim sum, it became “Wheeee-low,” like I was a rollercoaster. In school, Willow competed for space with classmates named Emily, Jessica, and Sarah—names that dominated the “Most Likely to Appear on Friendship Bracelets” charts. Meanwhile, “Ko” was a surname with roots reaching back to Hong Kong, grounding me even when my first name wobbled in Vancouver's multicultural mash-up.

It wasn’t until I started dating, though, that I realized just how much my name could carry—or sometimes, trip me up.

1. The First Impression: Your Name as Your Wingman

Picture this: you’re on a first date. You’ve prepped. Your outfit straddles that confident line between polished and effortless. The conversation kicks off with something like, “So, Willow, that’s a cool name. Does it mean something?” And suddenly, the stage lights are on.

Here’s the thing—names are your opening statement. They’re often someone’s first window into you, whether on a date, at a party, or in a relationship. They can be icebreakers (cool) or pronunciation hurdles (less cool). But in any case, they’re memorable.

Personally, I’ve learned to lean into the curiosity about my name, but not in a way that feels like I’m reciting my life's Wikipedia page. When I say, “It’s from the willow tree. Y’know, flexible, adaptable. Very me during family karaoke,” it gets a laugh while telling them something about how I see myself.

Bonus tip: If your name has roots in a language or culture that sometimes confuses people, here’s your moment to educate them kindly—without making it a TED Talk. Quick and witty works. “Oh, Ko? It's short for ‘interesting person you want to know better.’” Float that during a moment of banter. It’ll land.

2. When Your Name Feels Like a Misfit

Sometimes your name—through no fault of its own—gets cast in a role you didn’t audition for.

In high school, I had a brief phase where I wanted to be called “Elle.” Just Elle, inspired by the effortless simplicity of fashion magazines. “Willow felt too... hippie,” I confessed to my best friend. Hippie, breathy, maybe one step shy of asking people to align their chakras after lunch.

But here’s the thing: pretending to be an “Elle” was exhausting. It felt like writing fanfiction about myself, where the character had better hair and made better life choices. And trust me, that kind of reinvention doesn’t pass muster on dates. If you’re struggling with your name or what it signals, that’s okay. But authenticity is key. You want someone who vibes with your real story, not the manicured, Elle-magazine headline version.

Instead of twisting your name into something unrecognizable, consider finding little ways to claim it as your own. Ever notice how celebrities add flair to their names? Like Zendaya. Or Lizzo. Or Cher, who’s just... Cher. While they’re part of pop culture’s one-name-wonders, they’ve leaned fully into the names that define them, quirks and all.

3. Love, Mispronounced

I’ve dated people who could make the simplest of things—like a coffee order—wildly complicated. But nothing tops the time someone butchered my name on a first date. “Hi, Willa!" they exclaimed, full of earnest enthusiasm. I nearly corrected him immediately. But then I thought: Let’s see where this goes.

Spoiler alert—it didn’t go far. My name isn’t Willa. Just like you wouldn’t call Beyoncé “Bertha.”

It sounds petty, but bear with me: how someone approaches your name shows how they approach you. A person genuinely curious about your name—and willing to correct themselves if they goof—signals respect. It’s not really about accuracy; it’s about the care they show to get it right. So, when someone corrects themselves with, “Wait, did I say that wrong? It’s Willow?”—a million brownie points. When they wave it off like, “Eh, close enough”—boy, bye.

4. Reclaiming Your Narrative

Names grow alongside you, changing meaning as you evolve. For a long time, mine was tethered to Vancouver’s drizzle-coated streets, the scent of rain mixed with coffee from my parents’ café. “Willow” conjured things like coastline strolls and soft ocean breezes, but also the struggle of being seen as someone more than your parents’ “helpful daughter” by the neighborhood regulars.

In Melbourne—a continent away—“Willow” felt like a total wildcard. I had an Australian coworker tell me, “Your name sounds so chill—like you spent your childhood surfing but also volunteering to save penguins.” (Very specific, but I loved the vibe.) For the first time, I got to see my name carry something new—freedom, individuality, curiosity.

What’s in a name? Your story. But you get to decide how it’s told. It’s never too late to reshape it, to spin it in fresh and unexpected ways. Write it on a post-it note and stick it to your mirror: This isn’t just my name—it’s my brand. Treat it like your Instagram bio. Concise. Original. Authentic.

5. Names in the Age of Pet Names

Then, there’s the wild jungle of nicknames and pet names in relationships. Oh, the pet names.

I once dated someone who called me “Wills.” Not “Willow,” not “Willie,” but Wills, as though I were the fun and approachable 12th cousin of Prince William. Another boyfriend tried “Willow-the-Pillow” because I liked a good power nap (that one died quickly).

Here’s the golden rule of nicknames: they should enhance your name, not outshine it. Think of them as accessories—the hoop earrings of naming. They add sparkle, but your full name remains the ensemble. If a pet name feels off, just say so. Telling someone, “Actually, I prefer you call me Willow,” isn’t cringey—it’s confident.

Related fun fact: my parents, after 20-something years of straddling cultural nuance, now call me “Willow Bean” in English. Cute, simple, a gesture of care. Full circle moments exist, even within families.

6. Love Your Name, Love Yourself

Whether you’re a Phoebe, a Javi, an Akiko, or a Willow, here's the takeaway: your name is you, in a tiny capsule. And even if it comes with quirks or cultural tangles, it matters because you matter.

No one expects you to have a dramatic thesis about your name on cue. But give your name permission to grow, evolve, and stretch its roots over time. And if along the way, it connects you to someone who loves it—and loves you—for all it is? Even better.

So next time you’re heading into a date, or simply introducing yourself in a crowded room, take a deep breath and own it. Your name is more than syllables. It’s your starting point. And let’s be honest, nothing sounds better than someone calling your name when they’re falling for you—rollercoaster pronunciation quirks and all.