“You’re the protagonist of your own life. Start acting like it.” That’s the quote scrawled in cursive on a sticky note by my desk. It’s been there for years now, frayed edges and all, a daily pep talk to myself courtesy of Cheryl Strayed’s Tiny Beautiful Things. And, yes, I’m confessing that this is the book that changed my life.

You probably recognize Cheryl Strayed from Wild, the best-selling memoir-turned-Reese-Witherspoon-movie wherein she hikes the Pacific Crest Trail to heal her grief. But Tiny Beautiful Things is different. It’s not a memoir—it’s a compilation of advice columns Strayed wrote under the name "Sugar." On the surface, it might sound dry, but trust me when I say this book packs the kind of emotional punch that makes you gasp-laugh on the bus and then, five minutes later, cry silently into your scarf. (True story: I once dropped a tear onto a café croissant while reading it, and nobody even blinked because, Vancouver.)

If you’ve ever been lost—not just geographically, but emotionally, spiritually, or romantically—this book is a map. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say it’s like a great mixtape someone made for you, filled with songs that make your heart crack open in all the best ways. Except instead of music, it’s Cheryl Strayed with her stinging wisdom and lyrical bite.

Here’s how this book grabbed me by the collar and changed the way I see love, dating, and even myself—and how it might just do the same for you.

1. Love and Heartbreak Are Universal (and Universally Messy)

When I read Tiny Beautiful Things for the first time, I was catapulted back to the wreckage of my First Big Heartbreak. Picture it: me, 21 years old, lying facedown on my Ikea bed frame in my shared Kits apartment. I was post-breakup and post-finals, living off peppermint tea and a jar of Nutella, because adulting was a work in progress back then. Someone had left Tiny Beautiful Things on the free books table at UBC’s student union, and I grabbed it on a whim right before my bus ride home. (Side note: The bargain table is the unofficial Tinder for book lovers.)

Cheryl Strayed has a way of putting into words what most of us can only scream-cry into pillows. That first night flipping through its pages, I came across her response to a letter from a heartbroken man. Her advice? “Acceptance is a small, quiet room.” I had to sit back for a second, Nutella spoon in mid-air. Strayed wasn’t telling me to “just get over it” or to drown my sorrows in rosé and a rebound fling. She was telling me that it’s okay if healing looks small and quiet for a while. It was like a lifeboat thrown my way after weeks of trying to paddle my heartbreak away with a metaphorical spork.

Takeaway for your love life? Pain is messy, but it’s also proof you’ve shown up for life. Whether it’s your first breakup or your fifth, let yourself grieve—but know you’ll eventually move out of that “small, quiet room.”

2. Boundaries Are Sexy

One of Sugar’s most famous lines is: “You don’t have a right to the cards you believe you should have been dealt. You have an obligation to play the hell out of the ones you’re holding.” Honestly, this advice should come mailed with every first draft of a dating profile, because romance is full of bad hands: ghosting, mixed signals, awkward first dates, one-sided “situationships.” Here’s the truth I hated hearing, especially during my younger, people-pleasing years: it’s up to us to set the standard for how others treat us.

When I was 25, I dated a guy who called me “babe” but also ignored my texts for days. One day he joked, “You’re so chill and low-maintenance. It’s why I like you.” Reader, this was not meant as a compliment—but at the time, I took it as one. I didn’t realize I was being praised for having the boundaries of a jellyfish.

Cheryl Strayed’s wisdom helped me recognize there’s nothing chill about ignoring the things that matter to you. Want someone to call instead of text? Ask. Need commitment? Demand it without fear of coming off “too much.” Boundaries aren’t about building walls—they’re about handing over a roadmap to what being with you looks like. And honestly? That’s hot.

3. Flaws Are Not Red Flags

Before Sugar made her wisdom Instagram-quote-worthy, I used to approach dating like it was an intense vetting process. (Does he have a five-year plan? Road trip playlists that don’t include Nickelback? A burning preference for Earl Grey over coffee?) But Tiny Beautiful Things unapologetically broke me out of the perfectionist trap. One reader wrote to Sugar, lamenting the many ways they felt inadequate—the wrong job, the wrong body, the wrong everything. Sugar’s response? “Your assumptions about the lives of others are in direct relation to your naïve pomposity.”

Oof. A truth bomb served with a side of sass.

This quote stayed with me because it taught me to chill out with the rigid checklists. No one’s a perfectly curated movie montage, least of all me. (My own Spotify playlists veer wildly from indie folk to mid-2000s emo phase tracks.) Wanting the “perfect” match kept me from appreciating the beauty in imperfection, like the way my partner now leaves Post-it notes with weird doodles in random corners of our apartment. Strayed reminded me that flaws—yours and theirs—are what make a relationship real, not some Hallmark card fantasy.

4. The Best Relationships Start with You

Let me paint a picture: Tofino, summer 2018. I was there to “find myself” (read: escape responsibilities and surf badly). At the time, I was trapped in a rinse-and-repeat dating cycle where I felt like I was waiting for someone else to fix the parts of me I couldn’t fully love. I packed Tiny Beautiful Things in my duffle, thinking it might help me answer the Big Questions in life...or at least distract me between surfing lessons.

In one of my beachside hammock sessions with the book, I came across the line: “You don’t have to be healed to be worthy of love. You’re worthy of love because you’re you.” Cue the cinematic aha moment. In that instant, I realized my self-worth wasn’t a bargain tied up in achievements or relationship statuses. The best stories aren’t about people who show up flawless—they’re about those who show up, period.

Suddenly, I wasn’t looking for someone to “fix” me. I was ready for someone who’d take me as-is, saltwater hair frizz and all.

5. Your Story Is Still Being Written

If there’s one overarching lesson Cheryl Strayed taught me, it’s this: no matter how off-track I feel, there’s always a plot twist waiting around the corner. As Strayed writes in the book, “Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there’s no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.”

I’ve written and rewritten my own story countless times since I first picked up this book: moving cities, leaving stable jobs, saying yes to dreamy but uncertain risks like this writing gig. And when it comes to love? I’ve been the heartbreaker and the heartbroken. I’ve stumbled, overthought things, run away, and come back. Through it all, I’ve learned that no chapter is ever wasted—each one adds something to the story.

So if you’re feeling stuck or lost in any part of your life—whether you’re fumbling through awkward first dates, rebuilding after a breakup, or wondering why you haven’t written your five-act love story yet—know this: the story isn’t over. Wherever you’re starting from, you have the power to move it forward. And if you need a push or even a nudge, grab a copy of Tiny Beautiful Things. I promise—between the teardrops and belly laughs—you’ll feel seen, heard, and most importantly, alive.